tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11687928252391784842024-02-07T04:14:12.169-08:00Dreams at StakeA Journey of Hope Through Severe Myalgic Encephalomyelitis Laurelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01688914443102913569noreply@blogger.comBlogger53125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1168792825239178484.post-74492634299232917192017-01-29T07:45:00.000-08:002018-07-10T13:05:36.964-07:00On Finding Purpose<span style="font-family: inherit;"> <span style="font-family: inherit;">As I lie in this bed, watching the
days slip by year after year, I yearn for any potential break in the
endless monotony. Even the simplest of activity can mean so much:
mornings when I feel well enough to either watch a movie, color, draw or
do something else creative; my short excursions to lie in other rooms
for a different view; the rare but wonderful times when I am able to
have a visitor for a few minutes or briefly sit outside and see the
bright blue sky above me. I live for those moments; for those tiny but
glorious escapes from what is otherwise inescapable.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">It's a strange thing to be so
confined, not just in terms of your surroundings, but also in terms of
your very nature; of the freedom to live and experience life as the
person you once were and still are, but can no longer fully be. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">I've always been a bit of an adventurer. </span><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">I love to travel and experience new things. </span>I am restless and, in my healthy days, I thrived on change. <span style="font-family: inherit;">Ironically</span>, I am somewhat claustrophobic and hate being in small, confined spaces<span style="font-family: inherit;">.</span>
I am a loyal friend and feel a great need to help others, to give back
and to do my best in order to make a difference in the world. I am also
an over-achiever, often determined to a fault. I once finished a
college project in one week, only to learn -- upon turning it in to my
bewildered professor -- that it was supposed to take me the entire
semester to complete. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Today, my biggest achievements are
often such simplistic things as managing to partially wash my hair, to
speak more than a few words at a time as I attempt to interact with a
loved one, or to make it across a room and down the hallway in my
wheelchair. And yet, these are not small <span style="font-family: inherit;">a</span>ccomplishments
for me. In many ways, I push harder now to do even the most meager
task of daily living than I ever did to accomplish greater feats when
healthy. However, even after all this time, the fact that such minor
undertakings can now qualify as great achievements is a reality that is
difficult to process. It stands in such stark contrast to who I once
was, and to the person I could have been had I not been felled by
illness all those many years ago.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">
</span></span>
Given
such limitations, it is understandable that I sometimes struggle with
finding a sense of purpose or meaning to this existence. Whenever I
start to doubt my ability to give back
to the world, I remind myself that even the smallest of actions, spread over time, can leave noteworthy footprints. While
I may not be able to bond or spend much quality time with loved ones, I
can still occasionally send them cards, notes and special gifts to let
them know how much they mean to me and that I am always thinking of
them. While I can no longer volunteer
at charities that are important to me, I can still donate small
amounts of my limited income to help them in their efforts to raise
funds. Even though I can't attend
marches to advocate for more
research for the very disease from which I suffer, I and the millions
like me can still unite from our beds through blogs, social media and
other means.
<br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"></span><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">I often think of patients who are sicker and even more confined than I am. There's a young man named <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vfZwqLjDR4w">Whitney Dafoe</a>
who has a very severe form of this disease. With the exception of
hospital visits, he has been unable to leave his room in over three
years. He lives in total darkness and silence, unable to speak, eat or
tolerate any kind of interaction with the people he loves. Yet, despite
being completely shut out from the outside world in every possible way,
Whitney has still made an enormous impact by merely allowing others to
tell his story. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">On my worst days, when I, too, can
do nothing but lie in darkness and stillness, I inevitably think of
Whitney and marvel at his bravery in finding the strength to endure. If
he can get through this every single day, I tell myself, then I can do
it too. And thus, without even knowing I exist, he helps me and so many
others in ways he may never fully realize.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Indeed, it is because of Whitney and his father (a world-renowned <a href="https://med.stanford.edu/profiles/ronald-davis">genetic scientist</a>) that <a href="http://www.openmedicinefoundation.org/mecfs-severely-ill-big-data-study/">the first comprehensive study</a>
ever done on severe myalgic encephalomyelitis (ME) is now being
conducted, providing much needed hope to all who suffer from the
disease. And that is pretty <span style="font-family: inherit;">extrao<span style="font-family: inherit;">rdinary</span></span>.
It is a beautiful reminder to never doubt the power of any individual's
life to change the world, no matter how limited that life may be.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">I read (or listened to) a book this
past year called The High Mountains of Portugal by Yann Martel. In one
section of the story, a man who is grieving over the loss of his wife
makes the unusual choice to buy a chimpanzee (named Odo) and take him on
a journey with him. He becomes very attached to this chimp, and their
relationship affects him deeply:</span></span><br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">"While Odo has mastered the simple
human trick of making porridge, Peter had learned the difficult animal
skill of doing nothing. He’s learned to unshackle himself from the race
of time and contemplate time itself. As far as he can tell, that’s what
Odo spends most of his time doing: being in time, like one sits by a
river, watching the water go by. It’s a lesson hard learned, just to
sit there and <i>be</i>.”</span></span></blockquote>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Indeed it is. It is a constant
struggle to not want to do more and be more, particularly when so much
of everyday life remains firmly out of reach. I must often remind
myself that, despite how contrary my accomplishments are to my desires,
they are still noteworthy. Rising above extreme adversity on a daily
basis is no small matter. Those with ME experience a kind of
all-encompassing loss that most people don't face until they are at the
very end of their li<span style="font-family: inherit;">v</span>es:
health, career, social life, independence and the basic ability to even
care for oneself. At its worse, some ME patients (as I have) lose the
ability to walk and fully speak, while others can even lose the ability
to eat. And yet, somehow, despite it all, we not only endure, but
manage to find hope and joy in what remains. And that, truly, is a
remarkable achievement. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">In the end, the value of <span style="font-family: inherit;">your</span> impact on the world <span style="font-family: inherit;">is not measured by</span>
its scope. If you've touched even one life, if you have loved even one
person, if you are kind to others and are doing the best you can with
what you have, then you are making a difference. To exist in and of
itself is to have purpose. To breathe, to be fully present in each
moment, to show love and compassion in whatever small way you can – this
is what gives our lives meaning. And this is why <span style="font-family: inherit;">I <span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">no longer doubt</span></span> </span>that my life, and every life<span style="font-family: inherit;">,</span> has infinite value.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">And so, as we all do, I learn to persevere and make the best of what is. I find my purpose in<span style="font-family: inherit;"> what little things I can do,</span> and try to see the quiet beauty that still surrounds me as I slowly learn to “sit and <i>be</i>.”</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span> </span><br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiDfUdmm1Z2QCPs37PROgWdhrPhaJsOIYNVzK8P3mv8kPMEQw3J-Z_2BMyhQXJQ4u-lwRVhl3N9p0NRPzPWTef5bxyw1vLyadengU5pRM_FqIrCRfI1paKfhmJlKi3Ds1tIohrr8rO4w3o/s1600/P1210164.JPG" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiDfUdmm1Z2QCPs37PROgWdhrPhaJsOIYNVzK8P3mv8kPMEQw3J-Z_2BMyhQXJQ4u-lwRVhl3N9p0NRPzPWTef5bxyw1vLyadengU5pRM_FqIrCRfI1paKfhmJlKi3Ds1tIohrr8rO4w3o/s400/P1210164.JPG" width="266" /></a></span></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">A bird watches the sunset on a saguaro</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<br />
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">I long to accomplish a great and
noble task, but it is my chief duty to accomplish small tasks as if they
were great and noble. – Helen Keller</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Not all of us can do great things. But we can do small things with great love. -- Mother Theresa</span></span> </span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">To know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded. – Ralph Waldo Emerson </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">How rare and beautiful it is to even exist. </span><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"> – </span> From the song "Saturn" by Sleeping at Last </span></span>Laurelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01688914443102913569noreply@blogger.com23tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1168792825239178484.post-60851401183343739372016-12-31T13:33:00.000-08:002018-03-18T11:12:36.032-07:00Thoughts on 20 Years of IllnessIt was December 31, 1996 -- 20 years ago today -- that I fell suddenly
ill with what was later diagnosed as myalgic encephalomyelitis. I've
been sick for nearly half my life now. While I used to spend this day in
sad reflection over time lost, I'm instead attempting to see it as a
day to honor all that I, along with the millions of others suffering
with this illness, have overcome. We have faced more than most people
will in a lifetime: the loss of our health, careers, social life,
independence, relationships, hobbies, ambitions, hopes, dreams and the
ability to fully participate in all our many passions or even in the
simple activities of daily living. We have withstood the doubts of
others and the stigma of an illness poorly understood and marginalized
for decades; one that has few answers and no accepted treatments to ease
our many debilitating symptoms. We have suffered with bodies that don't
function properly, and that sometimes reduce us to spending days (<a href="https://www.washingtonpost.com/national/health-science/with-his-son-terribly-ill-a-top-scientist-takes-on-chronic-fatigue-syndrome/2015/10/05/c5d6189c-4041-11e5-8d45-d815146f81fa_story.html">and for some, years) </a>in darkened rooms where we can do little but focus on
one breath as it follows another. And yet, we endure. We have learned,
despite such pain, suffering and loss, to still find joy, love and the
will to carry on. Without question, none of us would have ever chosen
this path for ourselves. But it was the path given to us, and we each
battle it with more dignity and strength than we probably ever realized
we had within us. And that is certainly something to honor and commend.
So, I choose this day, and everyday, to stand proud in all that each of
us has overcome, and to continue to defy this illness with as much
spirit, hope and grace as possible. Wishing everyone a brighter,
healthier, hopeful 2017. May it be a year filled with promising research
that finally provides clear answers, treatments and renewed hope for
each and every one of us.<br />
<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjz7bWHWIZR24DLc3u_cb2eBJXalxRPGcNoSQ7bcKPVaDS0KUaYEDjl_M0-zFuW63OymKKqO66C3Oj44xQV1Y6yX9Yc-Fpl4bZGbm55uGIzYIEFE7p7XY21l-6iO03KROvkKjV7t5_XSeY/s1600/hope9a486853e9b56a04affcff00003a2473.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="801" data-original-width="1600" height="160" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjz7bWHWIZR24DLc3u_cb2eBJXalxRPGcNoSQ7bcKPVaDS0KUaYEDjl_M0-zFuW63OymKKqO66C3Oj44xQV1Y6yX9Yc-Fpl4bZGbm55uGIzYIEFE7p7XY21l-6iO03KROvkKjV7t5_XSeY/s320/hope9a486853e9b56a04affcff00003a2473.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<i>Originally posted on Facebook <a href="https://www.facebook.com/dreamsatstake/posts/1208637802524735">here.</a></i> Laurelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01688914443102913569noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1168792825239178484.post-9536139489091284962016-09-09T07:43:00.000-07:002016-09-11T03:55:10.163-07:00New Research Brings HopeFor years, when asked what it's like to have severe <a href="http://www.dreamsatstake.com/p/what-is-mecfs.html">myalgic encephalomyelitis (ME or ME/CFS),</a> particularly during a setback or post-exertional crash, I would often tell people it feels like a near total body shutdown. At its
worst, I can barely move or turn myself in
bed, and can feel the energy it takes just to breathe. It is an experience that is hard to put into words because it
is so far beyond
the normal, everyday conception of
sickness. And without knowing the details of exactly why these symptoms
occur, it makes it all the more difficult for
others (or even for those who experience it) to fully grasp and
understand it.<br />
<br />
However, thanks to <a href="http://www.pnas.org/content/early/2016/08/24/1607571113.abstract?sid=b50871d2-b872-4ab6-8cc7-b060c16c8748" target="_blank">a new study</a> out last week by
the University of California's San Diego School of Medicine, we may
finally be closer to an answer. And while their findings don't yet explain everything, they do potentially explain a lot. Indeed, it is quite remarkable when the very
words you've used to describe what this illness feels like -- a near
total body shutdown -- is revealed by science to be what may actually be happening on a cellular level.<br />
<br />
Dr. Robert Naviaux's <a href="http://www.pnas.org/content/early/2016/08/24/1607571113.abstract?sid=b50871d2-b872-4ab6-8cc7-b060c16c8748" target="_blank">metabolomic study</a> shows that cells of ME/CFS patients appear to be in what's called a
hypometabolic (or dauer) state -- analogous to a kind of protective hibernation --
in response to an infection, toxin or other threat.<br />
<br />
Dr. Naviaux explains:<br />
<blockquote>
"Despite
the heterogeneity of CFS,* the diversity of factors that lead to this
condition, our findings show that the cellular metabolic response is the
same in patients. And interestingly, it’s chemically similar to the
dauer state you see in some organisms, which kicks in when environmental
stresses trigger a slow-down in metabolism to permit survival under
conditions that might otherwise cause cell death. <br />
<br />
In the case of
CFS, when the CDR [cell danger response] gets stuck, or is unable to
overcome a danger, a second step kicks in that involves a kind of siege
metabolism that further diverts resources away from mitochondria and
sequesters or jettisons key metabolites and cofactors to make them
unavailable to an invading pathogen, or acts to sequester toxins to
limit systemic exposure. This has the effect of further consolidating
the hypometabolic state. "</blockquote>
<br />
Eighty percent of the diagnostic metabolites measured were
decreased in ME/CFS patients, creating a type of metabolic signature that allowed for an accurate differentiation between patients and healthy controls. In fact, Naviaux's diagnostic accuracy rate, based on these results, exceeded ninety percent.<br />
<br />
Dr. Naviaux goes on to say:<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
"CFS is an objective metabolic disorder
that affects mitochondrial energy metabolism, immune function, GI
function, the microbiome, the autonomic nervous system, neuroendocrine,
and other brain functions. These 7 systems are all connected in a
network that is in constant communication. While it is true that you
cannot change one of these 7 systems without producing compensatory
changes in the others, it is the language of chemistry and metabolism
that interconnects them all."</blockquote>
<br />
While Naviaux's study will need to be replicated, other scientists are
already finding similar results. For example, earlier this summer, an ME/CFS <a href="https://meaustralia.net/2016/07/06/australian-metabolomics-study-of-young-women/" target="_blank">study out of Australia </a> found irregularities in energy metabolism as well as amino acid, nucleotide, nitrogen, hormone and oxidative stress metabolism. They state that "the overwhelming
body of evidence suggests an oxidative environment with the minimal
utilization of mitochondria for efficient energy production."<br />
<br />
More recently, <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3fx_TradX4M" target="_blank">in a webinar </a>held
by the <a href="http://solvecfs.org/">Solve ME/CFS Initiative</a>, Dr. Maureen Hanson of Cornell
University mentioned similar metabolomic findings in a study that is
currently awaiting publication.<br />
<br />
Dr. Ron
Davis of Stanford University and the <a href="http://www.openmedicinefoundation.org/">Open Medicine Foundation</a> is conducting the first comprehensive study ever done on
severe ME/CFS patients, and has also already found similar disruptions in
metobolomic pathways in his <a href="http://www.meaction.net/2016/06/04/ron-davis-errors-metabolism/" target="_blank">preliminary data,</a> which he reported on at the<a href="http://www.investinme.eu/index.shtml"> Invest in ME</a> 2016 Conference. Davis has a son, Whitney,
who is severely afflicted with this disease. Whitney is completely
bedridden and must be tube-fed. He is unable to speak or tolerate any
kind of touch or interaction. <br />
<br />
In Cort Johnson's excellent <a href="http://www.healthrising.org/blog/2016/09/01/metabolomics-naviaux-chronic-fatigue-syndrome-core-problem/" target="_blank">summary of Naviaux's study</a>, he notes Dr. Ron Davis' observation
that:<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
"In other diseases, the kind of disability seen in the most
severely ill ME/CFS patients is a prelude to death. Once people get THAT
sick they’re usually going to die; a process has been started that’s
going to result in death. But that generally doesn’t happen in ME/CFS.
People can remain functionally in what appears to be a near death state
for a long time. That could suggest a way has been found to keep the
body alive in a very low energy state."</blockquote>
<br />
Collectively, these findings could lead to a better
understanding of what may turn out to be a central mechanism involved
in this illness, and could also open the door to the first possible
diagnostic test for ME/CFS.<br />
<br />
Most
importantly, this discovery
may lead to new avenues for potential treatment in the near future.
While it's unclear yet what that treatment may be, Naviaux appears optimistic.
He states, "...metabolomics reveals a new window into the underlying
biology of CFS that makes us very hopeful that effective treatments will
be developed soon and tested in well-controlled clinical trials."<br />
<br />
In simple terms, for millions of patients with ME/CFS who have been awaiting answers for far too long, this new study brings much needed hope.<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEguUNNjPoJ0GS9WYtWdBEy3Coh2amzoRn1o1blnOGjqBjJxO5PL8XlLZVDr7YVbDWwrQXMF2A8sZPcN4Tc9J7GiMW1NGnWN80d7v2esbpkClukaVq0t1PSwfU4D0qLjQE_fXtE8Sv9jWv0/s1600/Screenshot+%252818%2529.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="205" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEguUNNjPoJ0GS9WYtWdBEy3Coh2amzoRn1o1blnOGjqBjJxO5PL8XlLZVDr7YVbDWwrQXMF2A8sZPcN4Tc9J7GiMW1NGnWN80d7v2esbpkClukaVq0t1PSwfU4D0qLjQE_fXtE8Sv9jWv0/s320/Screenshot+%252818%2529.png" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;">Photo by Getty Images</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<span style="font-size: normal;">Sources/Further reading:</span><br />
<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: normal;"><a href="http://www.meaction.net/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/Naviaux-PNAS-CFS-Metabolomics-2016.pdf">Full ME/CFS Metabolomics Study Publication</a></span></span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: normal;"><a href="http://www.meaction.net/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/Metabolomics-QA-for-CFS-v4.pdf">Q <span style="font-family: inherit;">and </span>A Session with Dr. Naviaux </a></span></span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: normal;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: normal;"><span style="font-size: normal;"><a href="http://www.meaction.net/2016/08/30/naviauxs-metabolism-paper-is-about-as-big-as-you-think/"><span style="font-size: normal;">From ME Action: Naviau<span style="font-family: inherit;">x</span>'s Metabolomic Study is About as Big as You Think</span></a></span></span></span></span></li>
<span style="font-size: normal;">
<span style="font-size: normal;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">
<span style="font-size: normll;">
</span>
<li><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: normal;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><a href="http://www.healthrising.org/blog/2016/09/01/metabolomics-naviaux-chronic-fatigue-syndrome-core-problem/"><span style="font-size: normal;">From Health Rising: <span style="font-family: inherit;">The Core Problem in C<span style="font-family: inherit;">hronic Fatigue Syndrome Identified<span style="font-family: inherit;">? </span></span>Naviaux's Metablomics Study Breaks <span style="font-family: inherit;">Fresh </span>Ground</span></span></a></span><span style="font-size: xx-small;"> </span></span></span></li>
</span></span></span></ul>
<br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;">*Patients in Naviaux's study met ME/CFS Canadian Consensus Criteria </span><span style="font-size: x-small;"> (in addition to IOM and Fukuda criteria).</span>Laurelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01688914443102913569noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1168792825239178484.post-84244571132082088102016-05-31T08:07:00.000-07:002016-06-27T17:11:35.025-07:00Spring in the DesertEarlier this spring, thanks to a new ramp in
the garage as well as a few other small accommodations, I was briefly able to sit outside in our driveway for the very first time.<br />
<br />
Previously, the only way for me to get outside was through our backyard patio, which was difficult for me to access. It often led to such a substantial set-back that I could only attempt it about once a year. I am so grateful for this new set-up which allowed me to temporarily escape the confines of my room and briefly feel the
sun on my face. While my tiny excursions were not as frequent as I'd
hoped, I savored every single minute. <br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjdLNmsuOE-yRwc-B9hb_nKy22yAEBNzukefh8duuALe9KuEQXZFhdZ5wNb4U5yAhLfXwqoOkCuOPkdkVH4dFUy3hTCUZaJ81tyHqgvWdh4BlasuqD6r7ZVLKXmyrDCQ-Lrjna2LGlnMFY/s1600/P1190533.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjdLNmsuOE-yRwc-B9hb_nKy22yAEBNzukefh8duuALe9KuEQXZFhdZ5wNb4U5yAhLfXwqoOkCuOPkdkVH4dFUy3hTCUZaJ81tyHqgvWdh4BlasuqD6r7ZVLKXmyrDCQ-Lrjna2LGlnMFY/s400/P1190533.JPG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">My view outdoors</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhdneoD10O6vAfu0ThvF6Z5ENQSVop1kDyzh6VFxigs9Q37OjAFiYSgSJQugaPkn_-JkYEVF6hvO45cBQX7xSt-jncOwCueqOr0pZ8fTBGaoqhHoZPrj6c6Bogz8mMIXoZMJFJgorcdz2k/s1600/P1190733+%25282%2529.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhdneoD10O6vAfu0ThvF6Z5ENQSVop1kDyzh6VFxigs9Q37OjAFiYSgSJQugaPkn_-JkYEVF6hvO45cBQX7xSt-jncOwCueqOr0pZ8fTBGaoqhHoZPrj6c6Bogz8mMIXoZMJFJgorcdz2k/s400/P1190733+%25282%2529.JPG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"> Gorgeous skies and mountain views</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhoWNS0kh_djWOe21astKeA5d4sRwBOtBVQtFlp098pKFtEQoVlrO8_S1GvRTkeOyXNjaOoVkqk4YJhmnBGWeU9iLKgZATipHXcz7sM3gwEGUCs6qd4o0dGcFYtUUag1SZz8RofwF2l8Xk/s1600/P1190843.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="265" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhoWNS0kh_djWOe21astKeA5d4sRwBOtBVQtFlp098pKFtEQoVlrO8_S1GvRTkeOyXNjaOoVkqk4YJhmnBGWeU9iLKgZATipHXcz7sM3gwEGUCs6qd4o0dGcFYtUUag1SZz8RofwF2l8Xk/s400/P1190843.JPG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Verdin Visitor</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEju2VU-Su0iFkZcOK2FdhjK2jgKJIRJxq1KjrnE1A7RMp_9zmeHjF9l5gpFXL8-ADSUj9I0svVKQDaiyN0G1kv97k-T-1bKZ9uahBXiXT-EAlCoMFIf68SzduMty9awwgJdISbzetdE5Rk/s1600/P1190557.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEju2VU-Su0iFkZcOK2FdhjK2jgKJIRJxq1KjrnE1A7RMp_9zmeHjF9l5gpFXL8-ADSUj9I0svVKQDaiyN0G1kv97k-T-1bKZ9uahBXiXT-EAlCoMFIf68SzduMty9awwgJdISbzetdE5Rk/s400/P1190557.JPG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Cactus Wren</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjuvLasCsSeJYMPaYuEdm9_6X2DcuX-4egKN3Sqt4m4lbh14Zoeyajvshvft3CMtcZj_p0Sac6bnnRHpuueofqlTOjY-7LsIFbNYecnNPILYoO7c_5jC4CLElY2_U9sMSAfEbQbHLVZoU8/s1600/P1190662.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjuvLasCsSeJYMPaYuEdm9_6X2DcuX-4egKN3Sqt4m4lbh14Zoeyajvshvft3CMtcZj_p0Sac6bnnRHpuueofqlTOjY-7LsIFbNYecnNPILYoO7c_5jC4CLElY2_U9sMSAfEbQbHLVZoU8/s400/P1190662.JPG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">A Blooming Desert</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<br />
Spring is such a
beautiful time of year here with all the trees and cacti in bloom. It's so lovely
to see the many bright, delicate flowers emerging amidst the harshness
of the desert. I look forward to seeing them every year.<br />
<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg4C87ZvzVt7YT5uGgGIT6SUi6PPWcuxyjBnQTYj3ukDomf-yoi0mnHYXdOw5H_sr2_bSImniG-olbxQ6ObbMXbjOw3G1pYewrBGkbYYi1HdJnaEkRAe5cNTLQ-Jb-MT87qnBT4WtarPss/s1600/P1200090.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg4C87ZvzVt7YT5uGgGIT6SUi6PPWcuxyjBnQTYj3ukDomf-yoi0mnHYXdOw5H_sr2_bSImniG-olbxQ6ObbMXbjOw3G1pYewrBGkbYYi1HdJnaEkRAe5cNTLQ-Jb-MT87qnBT4WtarPss/s400/P1200090.JPG" width="266" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Saguaro Cactus</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiR4b7KEOgl44NkeTuxRUF50ioBOiGjpHUQoHBgw9JyFpLoRjkuKYOLw9xorIQ2G3UBYv_ERReLW7IRJAZ_t2WNus4UOHX8wlTbM1eDj6ZlwFzWjgrI1s8JLPO8euas-q3k9u2U6VFcLsQ/s1600/P1190632.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="277" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiR4b7KEOgl44NkeTuxRUF50ioBOiGjpHUQoHBgw9JyFpLoRjkuKYOLw9xorIQ2G3UBYv_ERReLW7IRJAZ_t2WNus4UOHX8wlTbM1eDj6ZlwFzWjgrI1s8JLPO8euas-q3k9u2U6VFcLsQ/s400/P1190632.JPG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Beehive or Hedgehog Cactus </td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi9e4l_Mp-waUDe23Bos29F_melzZGuVj9uPZP4ysQa1ch8qTOU1AiSLYaahC3WTxcyC2_lWZOjdUAzptYRRnpVA4ezQAn7hltyyiz0bkx9falqTZLN_V4ziE2HjRBl5NwJhCnV5JkCPcs/s1600/P1190957.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi9e4l_Mp-waUDe23Bos29F_melzZGuVj9uPZP4ysQa1ch8qTOU1AiSLYaahC3WTxcyC2_lWZOjdUAzptYRRnpVA4ezQAn7hltyyiz0bkx9falqTZLN_V4ziE2HjRBl5NwJhCnV5JkCPcs/s400/P1190957.JPG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Staghorn Cactus </td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgGyUfyvpBqrcNvyTWYnJYyTX08jCaN2-InUx3SfJcDNSxglA3K2-BejEkCANkZoeloCOWFexW8OVF205GWtNKpjIK4h9Hk3TinHYP9RcRdI0AMK2dq0gEm1n0fKDqNdFexs2vwgWEr5fg/s1600/P1190958.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgGyUfyvpBqrcNvyTWYnJYyTX08jCaN2-InUx3SfJcDNSxglA3K2-BejEkCANkZoeloCOWFexW8OVF205GWtNKpjIK4h9Hk3TinHYP9RcRdI0AMK2dq0gEm1n0fKDqNdFexs2vwgWEr5fg/s400/P1190958.JPG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Prickly Pear</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj5YVqpamT2ghwQbenjazBVu-lo969IBT6TgpvoRylYe9bmKstr3F6EwPhYJ6ODG7dTbiZ4LzKpt6_OZ6KBEJ5AFQZLLPi1_z42_rt5-pC1FcHjOi-XFMLEAgojgmcQcBS9520XenNaeVM/s1600/P1190962.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="268" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj5YVqpamT2ghwQbenjazBVu-lo969IBT6TgpvoRylYe9bmKstr3F6EwPhYJ6ODG7dTbiZ4LzKpt6_OZ6KBEJ5AFQZLLPi1_z42_rt5-pC1FcHjOi-XFMLEAgojgmcQcBS9520XenNaeVM/s400/P1190962.JPG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">More Prickly Pear Blooms</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
Every once in awhile, when I feel up to it, my parents also now wheel me to the large sliding glass door in their bedroom for a quick glimpse of the sunset. Arizona sunsets are truly breathtaking, with such deep, vibrant blends of orange, pink and yellow. Photos don't do them justice.<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgIs3XR18xex1c-Ss7erJIt9JBAc5R_D6nOFd_tFBh7oUc5a33y_5ZFLYpSHCxb5iPJBn17r4kIVkc_uTZaSpUI19k7KlydNOEupcF_NpMai5i92zzdotECANNUEH3O76PbBqsJ9B_UGYw/s1600/P1190932+%25282%2529.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgIs3XR18xex1c-Ss7erJIt9JBAc5R_D6nOFd_tFBh7oUc5a33y_5ZFLYpSHCxb5iPJBn17r4kIVkc_uTZaSpUI19k7KlydNOEupcF_NpMai5i92zzdotECANNUEH3O76PbBqsJ9B_UGYw/s400/P1190932+%25282%2529.JPG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Sunset</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgS13IX1qM0u3CILHF58EuWvl3qEdR8izElk1cVPi62SNqCWXwrGvZtynX2U42-SA0xZQe2GxxcqsmvmHWzd1me7pz8F7D19g1q63_7W_RxWWDD-mDGkfTqgPDv4mflWg5WgQ_TJ19vEVY/s1600/P1190970+%25282%2529.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgS13IX1qM0u3CILHF58EuWvl3qEdR8izElk1cVPi62SNqCWXwrGvZtynX2U42-SA0xZQe2GxxcqsmvmHWzd1me7pz8F7D19g1q63_7W_RxWWDD-mDGkfTqgPDv4mflWg5WgQ_TJ19vEVY/s400/P1190970+%25282%2529.JPG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Sunset</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjTbwMEBFBTS1mKGomfKkRToysITrQMAyYnwpKF0t3T6sU_GBTKj5gKiYZSYbInJtCk7Wi_eYTUfmi_MBKuwSsr7G-u1tOBd8SeC9Y4BpZIaM9mCTpKUi2KeulxZh7T06gUAYOGNKyz6h8/s1600/P1190927+%25282%2529.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjTbwMEBFBTS1mKGomfKkRToysITrQMAyYnwpKF0t3T6sU_GBTKj5gKiYZSYbInJtCk7Wi_eYTUfmi_MBKuwSsr7G-u1tOBd8SeC9Y4BpZIaM9mCTpKUi2KeulxZh7T06gUAYOGNKyz6h8/s400/P1190927+%25282%2529.JPG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Cool Sunset Sky</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
I had a lot of health-related issues going on this
spring as well, which required a few extra, unanticipated doctor appointments. While each appointment took
place at home, the energy expenditure still led
to some setbacks. Such is the frustrating nature of this illness. But, I am
slowly recouping and have hope that I will bounce back to previous
levels in time. <br />
<br />
As I attempt to gain a bit of strength back, the birds and various wildlife continue to keep me company from my windows. Here are a few of my favorite visitors of the last couple months.<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiUIiWulnBj1dvH18xtDdHxNEZlyvr3q0Wo-6iinl6zyuzjPXeYhA1Bp-tHbDYyrDZOITKg3x-fQttk8XCEl4ex-aIKnCwUl1FVihJitSL04p8zCKaNR_JquxPOOB4aqQEPRUa6Ob85ZQ8/s1600/P1190478.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiUIiWulnBj1dvH18xtDdHxNEZlyvr3q0Wo-6iinl6zyuzjPXeYhA1Bp-tHbDYyrDZOITKg3x-fQttk8XCEl4ex-aIKnCwUl1FVihJitSL04p8zCKaNR_JquxPOOB4aqQEPRUa6Ob85ZQ8/s400/P1190478.JPG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Antelope Squirrel on the First Day of Spring</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjOljQAN7gHcnnN_McivSqc9cLdjLK4aRX_nFqEZVCXA7MoAE3wSYQDLT6KRgYjL2ziCxsDneObFfrhqbqHhPYDAaMvkGYjZAldRpBIB7YSD-nksSP3ITRRVjtfJJfhyphenhyphenH9Q30QPUTryU9c/s1600/P1190571+%25282%2529.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjOljQAN7gHcnnN_McivSqc9cLdjLK4aRX_nFqEZVCXA7MoAE3wSYQDLT6KRgYjL2ziCxsDneObFfrhqbqHhPYDAaMvkGYjZAldRpBIB7YSD-nksSP3ITRRVjtfJJfhyphenhyphenH9Q30QPUTryU9c/s400/P1190571+%25282%2529.JPG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Cactus Wren</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEizalh1KjfVEAiBdYKI0n3ufl8icNVlO8h4HlNHrdh_Pb-FdPXmyFyiBaGuPppLOAIavi6f7jWvryOsInBSI4vWR__M8_R4J9TNDU8kON3yQmvUo1fz4ydjjlGJRPjLvfkHKLqS_cvEH7Q/s1600/P1190598+%25282%2529-001.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEizalh1KjfVEAiBdYKI0n3ufl8icNVlO8h4HlNHrdh_Pb-FdPXmyFyiBaGuPppLOAIavi6f7jWvryOsInBSI4vWR__M8_R4J9TNDU8kON3yQmvUo1fz4ydjjlGJRPjLvfkHKLqS_cvEH7Q/s400/P1190598+%25282%2529-001.JPG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Juvenile Cooper's Hawk</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi0lkPNONATLoQTjBVUsMT51YQDPbfRQJuPlwmYiwYlTldwk3U0G8DUKlyF9l2-kN23FLOWiLiepf9fKhfbarIwcCgdS1R0Fgcq5C98B-xqTYFRBz-QTSS5QNugY9bezAZHpm1h31rvofU/s1600/P1190917.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="265" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi0lkPNONATLoQTjBVUsMT51YQDPbfRQJuPlwmYiwYlTldwk3U0G8DUKlyF9l2-kN23FLOWiLiepf9fKhfbarIwcCgdS1R0Fgcq5C98B-xqTYFRBz-QTSS5QNugY9bezAZHpm1h31rvofU/s400/P1190917.JPG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Goldfinch</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhV9wRIrXB5FVuNuQNRgSwB1XKcXjyPf1h2zodwA-GQIEOomfZ-ftijmOTrsA1rlo47vJKuFJ-yMi1PKoAN3WpfK0qtQZ962949L9s4ry1YaSCquTdhOuuZrhSeG9VBG1UYH4mJhz5Bygo/s1600/P1190879.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhV9wRIrXB5FVuNuQNRgSwB1XKcXjyPf1h2zodwA-GQIEOomfZ-ftijmOTrsA1rlo47vJKuFJ-yMi1PKoAN3WpfK0qtQZ962949L9s4ry1YaSCquTdhOuuZrhSeG9VBG1UYH4mJhz5Bygo/s400/P1190879.JPG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Gambel Quail</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgju9aicW6tIFdt1osayh0ivfRC4T2rkYLKpo07D0_TBPyGR_PsLwbeBQMzt-tlcuqMMGtxK_iJRKK1dJPngTncUJG87OlJnGCTkK4-RCSrebfLKmcWvHGikL-ebuSaQc_10M09SIB1Vow/s1600/P1190950.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="288" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgju9aicW6tIFdt1osayh0ivfRC4T2rkYLKpo07D0_TBPyGR_PsLwbeBQMzt-tlcuqMMGtxK_iJRKK1dJPngTncUJG87OlJnGCTkK4-RCSrebfLKmcWvHGikL-ebuSaQc_10M09SIB1Vow/s400/P1190950.JPG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Bunny Munching on Snack</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<br />
And finally, nature always offers up symbols of hope:<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEizcm6x5r3Mg_qv4l-CPk-TdnnD1Kz8P03ZuYzYB7RE28A8sJXJXS_tmfKi2tHCATKM1W4n27pnS09TmAOhFRAJ_M_ofKE7XIFtO1IJ7tZZ1gPuADdSq5A2rMzqKh5Ei1wmnOebgXy4Y5s/s1600/P1190624+%25285%2529.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="278" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEizcm6x5r3Mg_qv4l-CPk-TdnnD1Kz8P03ZuYzYB7RE28A8sJXJXS_tmfKi2tHCATKM1W4n27pnS09TmAOhFRAJ_M_ofKE7XIFtO1IJ7tZZ1gPuADdSq5A2rMzqKh5Ei1wmnOebgXy4Y5s/s400/P1190624+%25285%2529.JPG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Rainbow After a Storm</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEitoZrIIzarbyH7p2biR_O4EZOPi-GHOaHN0rStO5OGBLlXOwjNPMSqyvqTy3DQtjDdVHCquzyI7XQdGzfPuUP6GPBu6BruKSDD_5C-pWWx_PwG0EXCj_RYmsTkg1csZOM5MxBgMQfgEoI/s1600/P1200085+%25282%2529.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEitoZrIIzarbyH7p2biR_O4EZOPi-GHOaHN0rStO5OGBLlXOwjNPMSqyvqTy3DQtjDdVHCquzyI7XQdGzfPuUP6GPBu6BruKSDD_5C-pWWx_PwG0EXCj_RYmsTkg1csZOM5MxBgMQfgEoI/s400/P1200085+%25282%2529.JPG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Wildflower Growing Through a Crack in the Pavement</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br />
"Where flowers bloom, so does hope."<br />
~Lady Bird Johnson</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "bookman old style" , "palatino linotype" , "book antiqua" , "palatino" , "trebuchet ms" , "helvetica" , "garamond" , sans-serif , "arial" , "verdana" , "avante garde" , "century gothic" , "comic sans ms" , "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "bookman old style" , "palatino linotype" , "book antiqua" , "palatino" , "trebuchet ms" , "helvetica" , "garamond" , sans-serif , "arial" , "verdana" , "avante garde" , "century gothic" , "comic sans ms" , "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "bookman old style" , "palatino linotype" , "book antiqua" , "palatino" , "trebuchet ms" , "helvetica" , "garamond" , sans-serif , "arial" , "verdana" , "avante garde" , "century gothic" , "comic sans ms" , "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "bookman old style" , "palatino linotype" , "book antiqua" , "palatino" , "trebuchet ms" , "helvetica" , "garamond" , sans-serif , "arial" , "verdana" , "avante garde" , "century gothic" , "comic sans ms" , "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"></span></span></span><br />
</span></div>
Laurelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01688914443102913569noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1168792825239178484.post-20891030098064191252016-05-10T06:10:00.000-07:002016-06-01T07:17:50.785-07:00Millions MissingIn support of the <span style="font-family: inherit;"><a href="http://millionsmissing.meaction.net/">#MillionsMissing</a></span>
campaign, below is a photo of a pair of my shoes in our driveway,
representing the fact that I am one of the millions missing from society
and from every day life as a result of myalgic encephalomyelitis (ME).<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgSPeuyUgxB0dSjenLhKe-YfSRccIrkgu__D__FBf5QfjvIqzAtEQAdG8DR1fkiEtNZU-_TdE8l4eeMkE1-lz9OH6716IlW5wBw0DOZF4POr_PhD-WrhG6eFPQaku8cFSO_EOOHJBDaAbA/s1600/P1200025E.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="260" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgSPeuyUgxB0dSjenLhKe-YfSRccIrkgu__D__FBf5QfjvIqzAtEQAdG8DR1fkiEtNZU-_TdE8l4eeMkE1-lz9OH6716IlW5wBw0DOZF4POr_PhD-WrhG6eFPQaku8cFSO_EOOHJBDaAbA/s400/P1200025E.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
<br />
It's been 16 years since I have been able to enter the outside world in any capacity beyond doctor's appointments. I've lived in this house for well over a decade, yet have never once been able to step out through our front door or stand in our yard. In fact, it's been almost 10 years since I've been able to stand at all, or take even a single step outside of my bed or wheelchair.<br />
<br />
<div dir="ltr">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><a class="_58cn" data-ft="{"tn":"*N","type":104}" href="https://www.facebook.com/hashtag/millionsmissing?source=feed_text&story_id=1010999375621913"><span class="_58cl"></span></a></span><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">In <span style="font-family: inherit;">recognition </span>of the m<span style="font-family: inherit;">illion<span style="font-family: inherit;">s of patients who, like me, are <span style="font-family: inherit;">suffering without reprieve <span style="font-family: inherit;">and are confined to<span style="font-family: inherit;"> <span style="font-family: inherit;">our</span> homes and beds as a result of<span style="font-family: inherit;"> ME</span>,<span style="font-family: inherit;"> the </span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span> advocacy group <a href="http://www.meaction.net/">#MEAction</a> has organized a community-based protest that will take place on May 25th
at the Department of Health and Human Services (HHS) in Washington, DC as well as many other cities across the glob<span style="font-family: inherit;">e. On this day,</span> ME patients, advocates, caregivers and other allies will unite to
protest the lack of government funding for research<span style="font-family: inherit;">, clinical <span style="font-family: inherit;">trials and </span></span>medical<span style="font-family: inherit;">/</span>public education. This lack of funding <span style="font-family: inherit;">for </span>research and education has
left millions of patients without treatments or relief <span style="font-family: inherit;">of </span>their
symptoms<span style="font-family: inherit;"> for decades</span>, and has cost the U.S. economy an estimated <a href="http://solvecfs.org/measuring-disease-burden-how-and-why/">$18-24 billion per year.</a></span><br />
<br />
<div class="text_exposed_show">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"></span></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">The goal of the #MillionsMissing campaign is "to give the 1 to 2.5 million disabled American ME/CFS
patients their lives back, and to prevent even more children, teens,
young adults and adults from joining the ranks of the millions who are
already missing --- </span>missing from their careers, schools, social lives and
families due to the debilitating symptoms of the disease."</div>
<br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">The <a href="http://www.meaction.net/2016/05/01/millionsmissings-protest-demands-available/">campaign </a><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><a href="http://www.meaction.net/2016/05/01/millionsmissings-protest-demands-available/">is<span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span><span style="font-family: inherit;">demanding</span></a><span style="font-family: inherit;"><a href="http://www.meaction.net/2016/05/01/millionsmissings-protest-demands-available/"> </a>the fol<span style="font-family: inherit;">lowing: </span> </span></span></span></span><br />
<ol>
<li><b>Increased Funding and Program Investments </b></li>
</ol>
<div style="padding-left: 30px;">
Funding and program investments commensurate with the disease burden</div>
<ol start="2">
<li><b>Clinical Trials </b></li>
</ol>
<div style="padding-left: 30px;">
Clinical trials to secure medical treatments for ME/CFS</div>
<ol start="3">
<li><b>Accurate Medical Education </b></li>
</ol>
<div style="padding-left: 30px;">
Replacement of misinformation with accurate medical education and clinical guidelines</div>
<ol start="4">
<li><b>A Serious Commitment </b></li>
</ol>
<div style="padding-left: 30px;">
HHS leadership, oversight and a serious commitment to urgently address ME/CFS</div>
<div style="padding-left: 30px;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">For the millions of patients who are too sick to attend the protest, there are several ways one can <a href="http://millionsmissing.meaction.net/virtual/">participate virtuall<span style="font-family: inherit;">y<span style="font-family: inherit;">:</span></span></a> by submitting shoes to represent <span style="font-family: inherit;">yourself</span> at the protests, taking
photos of <span style="font-family: inherit;">your </span>shoes by <span style="font-family: inherit;">your</span> doorstep <span style="font-family: inherit;">or somewhere outdoors </span>(to show <span style="font-family: inherit;">you </span>are missing from
the outside world), participating on social media (use <a href="https://twitter.com/search?q=%23millionsmissing">#MillionsMissing</a>), <a href="https://www.change.org/p/increase-funding-so-we-can-find-a-cure">signing petitions </a>or sending <a class="" href="http://www.forgottenplague.com/product/congressional-pack/">a Congressional Pack</a> to your congressmen/women and state representatives before the protest.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /><span style="font-family: inherit;">Whe<span style="font-family: inherit;">the<span style="font-family: inherit;">r you are a patient, an<span style="font-family: inherit;"> advocate, a caregiver or a friend of someone with ME, p<span style="font-family: inherit;">lease take a moment out of your day to <span style="font-family: inherit;">participate</span> in this<span style="font-family: inherit;"> important <span style="font-family: inherit;">event</span> in whatever way you can. <span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Than<span style="font-family: inherit;">k you.</span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiZfN1B1zlFqJWTreVFtuZMnpXBHmbZMtN1sej9-1w7aQmC69gn9ZNy9l7cbQZjMGkbiiwnt0qiU8nlCDObDP1Hk8QDW2TUYjdup5Drjh24WSx60se2G2sJRztcxXJliSLd4PwCe90poj8/s1600/MillionsMissing+graphic+1.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="285" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiZfN1B1zlFqJWTreVFtuZMnpXBHmbZMtN1sej9-1w7aQmC69gn9ZNy9l7cbQZjMGkbiiwnt0qiU8nlCDObDP1Hk8QDW2TUYjdup5Drjh24WSx60se2G2sJRztcxXJliSLd4PwCe90poj8/s320/MillionsMissing+graphic+1.png" width="320" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><a href="http://www.iom.edu/Reports/2015/ME-CFS.aspx"><br /></a></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">
</span>Laurelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01688914443102913569noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1168792825239178484.post-7626794137336345282016-02-10T07:00:00.000-08:002016-03-11T06:01:09.925-08:00Wings of Hope<span class="author">It's been quite awhile since I last updated my blog. This is in part </span><span class="author">because my health can make it difficult for me to write extensively or put my thoughts together into any kind of cohesive whole. Mostly, though, I've held back on writing because I haven't had all that much to write about. Being sick and bedridden for years on end simply doesn't inspire many riveting stories. :)</span><br />
<br />
<span class="author">However, occasionally, things do happen that differ from the norm. Indeed, I have had a few somewhat new
(and even rather wonderful) experiences in recent months that I would love to share with you. While
many of these are small, ordinary type of events that most people tend
to take for granted, they are things that I don't normally get to enjoy. Thus, they hold much more significance for me. </span><br />
<br />
<span class="author">One such new adventure resulted from a wheelchair ramp we recently placed in our garage. It </span>has quite literally opened new doors for me and given me access to places that were previously out of reach. On days that
I am well enough, I am now able to be wheeled outside for brief moments to look up at the gorgeous blue sky and see our
beautiful view of the Rincon mountains in the distance.<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhpStmVkbl6WdUYSKOiU6k6wq9T18hb36axFR5pqROyOI3VPmdhV1SCX_sf5J6PXqqYNOWYRTnZJZQ8ObYpBy9ZVlgyHvBlYSr3v0oDdTJzYAYE4a2NmCNcV5dFEoVy9_Z04cOQstv-oL4/s1600/P1190215.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="248" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhpStmVkbl6WdUYSKOiU6k6wq9T18hb36axFR5pqROyOI3VPmdhV1SCX_sf5J6PXqqYNOWYRTnZJZQ8ObYpBy9ZVlgyHvBlYSr3v0oDdTJzYAYE4a2NmCNcV5dFEoVy9_Z04cOQstv-oL4/s400/P1190215.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">A new view</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
Currently, I can't go beyond the garage door and venture further outdoors as I am
unable to sit up for more than a few minutes and the bumpy gravel can be
a difficult ride for me. But I am not about to complain. It's been a
wonderful change of scenery. When you have
been primarily confined to one or two rooms for over a decade, getting a
glimpse
of an alternate view for even a few minutes can feel quite liberating.<br />
<br />
The ramp has also helped to fulfill another long-held wish of mine. One
of the innumerable things I've missed in all these years of illness is the
opportunity to gaze at the night sky. I can occasionally see the
moon and a few stars twinkling from beyond my bedroom window, of course, but
the view is
always partially obstructed by the branches of my mesquite tree. And
while I used to be a night owl prior to falling ill, my health often now
forces me to end my day before the sun has even had a chance to set.<br />
<br />
However, this winter, while the days are short and night descends over the desert a bit
earlier than usual, my parents have more than once wheeled me outside to gaze up at a brilliant display of sparkling stars. It took my
breath away to see all those glittering little diamonds
scattered in the darkness. It is the first time I have been
outside during evening hours in 15 years.<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh24UPMdgB3_GHFWRfbyGIWEGACD2GsSioVT03ywJTIWq-xWUkIa_yrtQQDcfvPrS-VocefTqN06KREgeifxBlno39LrBtqa9bMlyc0-cyGSs-1nMgdOn_8kJtlKbiwr8yd3v2vhnp627k/s1600/P1190213s+%25282%2529-001.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="283" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh24UPMdgB3_GHFWRfbyGIWEGACD2GsSioVT03ywJTIWq-xWUkIa_yrtQQDcfvPrS-VocefTqN06KREgeifxBlno39LrBtqa9bMlyc0-cyGSs-1nMgdOn_8kJtlKbiwr8yd3v2vhnp627k/s400/P1190213s+%25282%2529-001.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Looking up at the stars</td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"></td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br /></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><i>I don't know anything with certainty, but seeing the stars makes me dream.”
<br /> -- Vincent Van Gogh<a class="authorOrTitle" href="https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/34583.Vincent_van_Gogh"></a></i></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
</div>
I am hopeful that, with the help of the wheelchair ramp, I can continue these new little adventures of mine on a regular basis. Perhaps, if I am well enough, I may even be able to lie outside in my front yard sometime this spring. It would, I believe, be a little easier for me than our
backyard patio, which has some obstacles to get through that can often
cause a setback. If this new set-up works out, my fingers are crossed
that it may make it possible for me to lie outdoors more often, and without as much penalty.<br />
<br />
Something else I have missed in all these years of confinement is the
wide array of colors you see in the daily experience of simply being out in
the world -- in gardens and art museums and in the simple variety and vibrancy of nature. In an effort to add some of those lively colors back into my life, my mom now makes sure that I always have flowering plants in my room to brighten my days. I love watching them burst into form, all radiant and iridescent, as if in celebration of their own beauty. <br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjyAbwpOeB0raXDieiltPf69VlBduZAGKchJANw0ZGKQWNSZq6wBAhdcNod4OXy-GvOzGocM_NiyhE6L_rxxOTL626XNWndEc8KREKEDq1Z-WBywOlqR2zg8ynhHhZyBOiJt7tQtQEctOU/s1600/IMG_4236+%25282%2529.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="296" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjyAbwpOeB0raXDieiltPf69VlBduZAGKchJANw0ZGKQWNSZq6wBAhdcNod4OXy-GvOzGocM_NiyhE6L_rxxOTL626XNWndEc8KREKEDq1Z-WBywOlqR2zg8ynhHhZyBOiJt7tQtQEctOU/s400/IMG_4236+%25282%2529.JPG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Purple Orchids</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgNkH8v6txq6MHNV2e7a38ZHhUKnX-1nUyDh-mPF3ob5ggEWWX0ln0-zOYaTMnUnsSvRZu_J73ommrU63xjDAPrO0JoKYIAqAxh1lUg0m0OIeEog2uKTy_VAQD3zhdT0QbMzspy6zQ_SQM/s1600/P1180206.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="265" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgNkH8v6txq6MHNV2e7a38ZHhUKnX-1nUyDh-mPF3ob5ggEWWX0ln0-zOYaTMnUnsSvRZu_J73ommrU63xjDAPrO0JoKYIAqAxh1lUg0m0OIeEog2uKTy_VAQD3zhdT0QbMzspy6zQ_SQM/s400/P1180206.JPG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">White Orchids</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhNjPNAAbhF8069dXgIIjb1Qm4_UHcUfmhyphenhyphenHN7vKxEDVGOHVtZQlPgy0uQol-N-uKpoqbRznE3kATIGUh4HIogQw7wZiS6g05z2KopekiWa057CQpEdoMrEzOr02DQob47F8MdMeD4OWI0/s1600/FullSizeRender%25283%2529.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="298" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhNjPNAAbhF8069dXgIIjb1Qm4_UHcUfmhyphenhyphenHN7vKxEDVGOHVtZQlPgy0uQol-N-uKpoqbRznE3kATIGUh4HIogQw7wZiS6g05z2KopekiWa057CQpEdoMrEzOr02DQob47F8MdMeD4OWI0/s400/FullSizeRender%25283%2529.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Yellow Daisies</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
In addition to these daisies and orchids, a dear friend of mine sends me a new amaryllis plant each year for the holidays. I have several whose bulbs are just now beginning to
sprout, and I look forward to getting to see their beautiful display of blossoms in the coming weeks.<br />
<br />
This Christmas, I was also given a few of those adult-geared coloring books that are so popular right now. As long as I am careful to pace myself and not overdo, I find they can be a fun way to pass the time when able. Here's a
dragonfly I finished a few weeks ago that I thought came out decently, at least compared to some of the others I did. :) I clearly don't have much artistic talent, but it's nice to feel I am doing something even slightly creative. It's another way for me to add some color to my world.<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEixDn1NWIXoeb7Vcra2FaQHOPrgIcq1NrfdcoVUoStosfvgDtABRp7vSbzhg5BtCzJfeSgc2mxtfhKeH04cw6E8yQa7QYpRPru0gvIjp7T_vKnpUCZ9lLAqLuCaIMWFCzvttam7teFPSvg/s1600/IMG_4525s.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="297" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEixDn1NWIXoeb7Vcra2FaQHOPrgIcq1NrfdcoVUoStosfvgDtABRp7vSbzhg5BtCzJfeSgc2mxtfhKeH04cw6E8yQa7QYpRPru0gvIjp7T_vKnpUCZ9lLAqLuCaIMWFCzvttam7teFPSvg/s400/IMG_4525s.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Dragonfly</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<br />
As always, the birds and wildlife also bring me a little beauty each day. While this doesn't technically count in my list of "new experiences," it wouldn't be a proper update without including a few of my favorite photos of my more recent window visitors -- from the usual finches, woodpeckers and doves to the slightly less common black-chinned hummingbird and Cooper's hawk.<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiPdcCuuWqXoYAvcCGFOkEGaVd1Er5BFPpxUe5wSv8o98ZaMFolJ6hlGgseUqpU8ey0bzgzt_r4IHsd5Mi6qctZQk5yx_LTpRBWuZlnuXBBtRBrn5oLXM685yiVfilsG9J6eVKIMjsJkvs/s1600/BeFunky+Collageb.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiPdcCuuWqXoYAvcCGFOkEGaVd1Er5BFPpxUe5wSv8o98ZaMFolJ6hlGgseUqpU8ey0bzgzt_r4IHsd5Mi6qctZQk5yx_LTpRBWuZlnuXBBtRBrn5oLXM685yiVfilsG9J6eVKIMjsJkvs/s400/BeFunky+Collageb.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Bird Visitors (click to enlarge)</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
Another recent treat was getting to have my annual (always far too brief) visit with my best friend and her two daughters over the holidays. Due to my health, any interaction I have must regretfully be kept to a minimum (generally less than 10 minutes or so) in order to avoid a lengthy setback. However, thanks to very careful pacing, this was one of the first years in quite some time that I wasn't crashed prior to the visit, and it was nice to be able to interact even just a tiny bit more than usual. I especially loved getting those precious hugs from her sweet children. Her youngest, my goddaughter, always comes back into my room for an extra hug before they leave, which never fails to make me smile.<br />
<br />
And now for my most exciting news of all!<span class="author"> </span><br />
<br />
<span class="author">I've mentioned previously that, unfortunately, my fiance also suffers with severe ME. Jim's been sick for over 30 years and is wheelchair and mostly housebound. Due to our health, our relationship has been forced to remain long-distance. Until this past January, it had actually been eight years since we'd been able to see each other. However, by some small miracle (and with much help from both our families), Jim was recently able to find a way past the many obstacles to fly out and visit with me! I still can't quite believe it really happened.</span><br />
<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj7mBUOEUW4eEkwleg30SxlGUO1FgQSbN88jVmsGU_fR0kgDHMNYvOea4bf5-FBvEfLrWjZD26Zfp1-zqkb0b9pZIEFarDZjivJsTdObDwRK7WVa1tLTjIwW_50lGf2J3AdEkGTcjpJ-t0/s1600/IMG_3593e1sm.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="311" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj7mBUOEUW4eEkwleg30SxlGUO1FgQSbN88jVmsGU_fR0kgDHMNYvOea4bf5-FBvEfLrWjZD26Zfp1-zqkb0b9pZIEFarDZjivJsTdObDwRK7WVa1tLTjIwW_50lGf2J3AdEkGTcjpJ-t0/s400/IMG_3593e1sm.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Together again at last!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjlZWswWHF-6UbMRYyDrQ3gfM8VtcraaUL6IINm-JMRiMiuv5fXszBBpkkrl-Tu5D5lagI_refallC0g-KdwYojKik7Ub8RdZIsg-i1CnOOBY3SKVZAlQ7mpANVqv9njPZCbT-N8LdZ2d0/s1600/roses1.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjlZWswWHF-6UbMRYyDrQ3gfM8VtcraaUL6IINm-JMRiMiuv5fXszBBpkkrl-Tu5D5lagI_refallC0g-KdwYojKik7Ub8RdZIsg-i1CnOOBY3SKVZAlQ7mpANVqv9njPZCbT-N8LdZ2d0/s400/roses1.JPG" width="298" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Always so sweet, Jim brought me a rose and some chocolates</td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br /></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
In order to help pull this off, one of Jim's brothers kindly offered to fly out from CA to PA and join Jim in his flight here to Arizona (and then back again for the return flight home). This assured that someone would be there to help Jim through every step of the journey in case he needed additional assistance or encountered unexpected issues. Jim also flew first-class (and had a reclining wheelchair) so that he could lie mostly flat for the entirety of the flight. My parents, of course, were also extremely accommodating and went out of their way in order to make the visit as easy and comfortable for both of us as possible. In addition, Jim's parents helped tremendously by caring for him before and after the trip.<br />
<br />
I am beyond grateful to all who so graciously offered their assistance and support to make our visit happen. I'm most especially thankful for Jim, who bravely fought through so many hurdles and risked his very health for us to be together.<span class="author"> I don't
have the words to describe how remarkable it was to be able to see him again after so many years apart. Despite how sick we both were, every moment we got to spend with each other was pure joy.</span><br />
<br />
<span class="author">Of course, I miss him terribly now that he's back home, but I feel so fortunate to have such wonderful, new memories to hold on to and cherish.</span><br />
<br />
My time with Jim gave me a newfound sense of hope. Admittedly, there was a part of me that wondered -- without a cure or a new potential treatment -- if I would ever see him again. Our health has been so poor over these last many years, and research for this disease continues to be sparse and lacking in much immediate promise. However, Jim's visit was a reminder to me that, even in the midst of unending struggle, dreams can and do still come true. Undoubtedly, while my body remains confined by illness, my heart, mind and soul can still find ways to soar.<br />
<br />
It is on those wings of renewed hope that I forge ahead with even greater resoluteness, knowing that, despite everything, many more moments of joy, love, beauty and wonder await me.Laurelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01688914443102913569noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1168792825239178484.post-11007191870058327542015-06-23T06:28:00.000-07:002019-08-03T07:17:02.366-07:00Finding Presence Despite Absence<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: normal;"><span style="font-size: normal;"></span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: normal;"><span style="font-size: normal;">I
recently listened to the audio version of Elisabeth Tova Bailey's <a href="http://www.amazon.com/The-Sound-Wild-Snail-Eating/dp/1565126068">The Sound of a Wild Snail Eating</a>
-- a beautiful, poignant and reflective book about surviving a
debilitating illness while finding beauty and wonder in an object of
nature and in quiet observation.</span></span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: normal;"><br />Bailey
was
an active 34-year-old woman when she was struck down with a mysterious,
flu-like illness from which she never fully recovered. Suddenly
bedridden and isolated from the outside world, she found solace in a
rather unexpected companion: a wild snail in a pot of violets given to
her by a friend. The snail was moved to a terrarium filled with
woodland plants, and as Bailey
began to observe, research and care for this enigmatic creature, she
found parallels to her own life. She writes: </span></span><br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: normal;">“..the
snail had emerged from its shell into the alien territory of my room,
with no clue as to where it was or how it had arrived; the lack of
vegetation and the desert-like surroundings must have seemed strange.
The snail and I were both living in altered landscapes not of our
choosing; I figured we shared a sense of loss and displacement."</span></span> </blockquote>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: normal;">The
snail became a source of wonder and fascination to Bailey, and as
her illness forced her deeper into a secluded confinement, she found
comfort in this unusual bedside companion.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"></span>
<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: normal;"> “Illness isolates; the
isolated become invisible; the invisible become forgotten. But the
snail... the snail kept my spirit from evaporating.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: normal;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: normal;">...Watching
it glide along was a welcome distraction and provided a sort of
meditation; my often frantic and frustrated thoughts would gradually
settle down to match its calm, smooth pace. “ </span></span></blockquote>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: normal;">There
was so much about Bailey's story and writing that, for obvious reasons,
deeply resonated with me. I saw myself in the descriptions of the
onset of her sudden illness, the isolation that the severity of her
affliction thrust upon her, and the sense of peace she found in
observing an object of nature. For Bailey, it was a snail; for me, it
is the trees, the wildlife and the cactus blooms that comfort me outside
my bedroom window each day. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: normal;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: normal;">Something
else that struck a particular chord with me was Bailey's notation of
her glaring absence from the world she once knew. She writes, "From the
severe onset of my illness and through its innumerable relapses, my
place in the world has been documented more by my absence than by my
presence."</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: normal;">
</span></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: normal;"><br />This
sense of absence is something I've grown more acutely aware of in
recent years. I've always been conscious of it on some level, of course, but it seems to stand out
to me more and more as the years pass and I watch time and the lives of others slip by without my presence.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: normal;">
</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: normal;">The
degree of isolation that is brought upon those who suffer with this
disease, especially in its <a href="http://www.dreamsatstake.com/2011/09/testimony-glimpse-into-severe-mecfs.html">severest form,</a>
is at times rather shocking. These patients are isolated not only from
the outside world, but often
also within the confines of their own home. Some must live in total
darkness and silence virtually 24 hours a day, unable to tolerate even
the
slightest hint of light or sound. As a result, they are also unable to
fully interact with the very people who live with and provide them with
care.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: normal;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: normal;">In
my
own case, I currently reside with my parents; yet, I rarely see
them for more than about an hour scattered in small moments throughout
each day. Due to severe difficulties with speaking above a whisper, as
well as the problems I face with sensory overload, I find that more than
a few
minutes of interaction can be incredibly taxing. I struggle with the
influx of information (both visual and auditory), keeping my eyes
focused on whoever is speaking, quickly finding the right words to say
in response, and then getting those few words out clearly enough to be
heard. Sometimes, if my reply is more than I can say out loud, I have
to write it down on a piece of paper instead. Thus, even minimal
interaction can be deeply draining and, if it goes on too long, has the
potential of causing a
setback that can last for weeks or even months.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: normal;"><br />It's difficult to see how much my parents (my mother, in
particular) must do for me on a regular basis, and yet, I cannot really
give them anything in return. They are each in their mid-70s now, and I
worry about the fact that, were they to become ill themselves, I could
not be there for them in any kind of real, tangible way. It's something
I do not let myself think about often. For now, I'm ever grateful they are each
still in my life, and that they are both healthy and strong.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: normal;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: normal;">
</span></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: normal;">Of
course,
my limits in interaction are not discriminatory; they apply
to anyone who comes into my room. When my brother and his family visit
for a week each spring, I barely get to see them beyond
giving everyone a hug each morning, exchanging a few words about what
they've been up to, telling them that I love them, and perhaps taking
a few pictures of us all together on their last day. While I cherish
each and
every one of these moments, I long to participate as they go on
their daily sight-seeing adventures, or simply to hang out with my niece
and nephew in
my bed and play games or listen to all of their many
stories. Sometimes, instead, I will listen to them from afar, my eyes
closed, as they play or chat in
another room. </span></span>
<br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: normal;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: normal;">Friends,
too, have inevitably been distanced as a result of my illness. In fact,
it's been 14 years since I've seen virtually anyone outside of family,
helpers and a few doctors. The only real exception is my best friend
from college. We studied a semester abroad together, backpacked through
Europe and spent two months after college traveling throughout the
U.S. She is like a sister to me and, prior to my becoming ill, we used
to speak on an almost daily basis. Now I see her for a few minutes
once a year when she comes to AZ with her family for Christmas. She and
her children give me hugs and gifts, tell me of their latest news and,
sometimes, her daughters will sing a song or two for me. Her husband
often simply greets and waves to me from the hallway. Regretfully,
that's the extent of her visit each year, as it is the most that my
health can withstand.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: normal;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: normal;">My
own fiance and I have not seen each other since his proposal in 2008,
as we are both now far too sick to travel such distances (Jim lives
about 2,000 miles away). We still write every single day, often several
times a day, and not a moment goes by where I don't feel infinitely
grateful for his presence in my life. But I miss him terribly and wish
so much that I could see him again.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: normal;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: normal;">As
someone who used to be highly social and active prior to getting ill,
these challenges in communicating with and being present to those I love
are unbelievably frustrating and, at times, heartbreaking to me.
There's been an immeasurable amount of lost time, and of irretrievable
moments never fully experienced. I've missed out on countless
milestone birthdays, weddings, anniversaries, holidays, parties,
recitals, plays, concerts and even just the daily everyday type of
things like casual dinners, going to the movies and chatting for hours
on the phone. As much as we all work around my circumstances as best we
can, I'm simply not able to be an active participant in the lives of my
friends and family in the way that I so yearn. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: normal;"><br />Fortunately,
the
rise of social media in recent years has helped a bit in reestablishing
my connection to the outside world. Facebook, for example, has allowed
me to reunite with
many friends I had not seen or spoken to in years. Though I
am unable to spend much time online, I can generally check my
newsfeed for a few moments each morning, where I get to see lots of
photos of
all the many faces I miss, and hear about everyone's daily activities
and adventures --
without having to write long emails, which can also be quite
difficult for me. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: normal;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: normal;">In addition, I've been able to meet new people I'd
otherwise never have met, and some of these new friends have become
very dear to me over the years. It's been wonderful to have
this outlet, and I am so grateful to now have that kind of connection.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: normal;"><br />At
the same time, seeing and hearing about everyone's exciting lives on
a day-to-day basis can also be a stark reminder of just how much I am
missing out on, and of how absent I really am from each of my many
friends' lives.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: normal;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: normal;">Despite
my circumstances, however, I cannot truly say that I am lonely.
Distanced as I may be, I still have the love and support of dear
friends and family, some of whom do their utmost to care for and include
me in their lives on a regular basis. My absence is felt on their end
as well as on mine, and I am reminded often that I have not been
forgotten.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: normal;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: normal;">Most especially, I have the love and support of my fiance who, every day, affirms how
important I am in his life, as he is in mine. It is that love which holds me up and carries me through.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: normal;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: normal;">I also know that, unfortunately, there are many others like me out there, fighting this
disease in their own forced isolation every single day, and we are each
united in our shared stories. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: normal;">
</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: normal;">Finally, much like Elisabeth Tova Bailey's wild snail, I have the wildlife, blooms and butterflies outside my
window. They remind me that there is a kind of beauty and
simplicity in merely existing and being open to each moment.
</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: normal;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: normal;">And,
in
this moment, my presence in this world -- though slowed, distant and
contrary to my wishes -- has not been fully silenced.
It makes itself known through the words I write, through small
gestures, through memories and through the hearts of the people I
love. In this way, it battles on and continues forward. And it will
never cease striving for its long-awaited moment of release.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: normal;"><br />
Meanwhile, from my window, a little bit of grace: </span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: small;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEifkbQ5LpdQ4TE01YQdI6mUwIecoFvoLhQ60iDinL3msYYNCPOQ5wFrJPKBY_kl4UNfBsmvkOE4ziNHu1NNKRazFlqEA-N-UowpceSvDFMqkvZNoo9VfDppygtRmx3ZTkse3q0LPlci0tM/s1600/P1170627+%25282%2529.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="267" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEifkbQ5LpdQ4TE01YQdI6mUwIecoFvoLhQ60iDinL3msYYNCPOQ5wFrJPKBY_kl4UNfBsmvkOE4ziNHu1NNKRazFlqEA-N-UowpceSvDFMqkvZNoo9VfDppygtRmx3ZTkse3q0LPlci0tM/s400/P1170627+%25282%2529.JPG" width="400" /></a></span></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: small;">Female Lesser Goldfinch </span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: small;"><br /></span>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: small;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjwQ7drsKBJNitjCAls6UwiJrEPF2a2y5iyVyri6MTEStBnFH3sx77cG9cf7RoQvtSoJcHDb0o0pxap77VJvp6hcS1defJene5_ia4UT3UFMxXgUpDKZX31yyWDuF1yungtp_zrjZ4Po4M/s1600/P1160339.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjwQ7drsKBJNitjCAls6UwiJrEPF2a2y5iyVyri6MTEStBnFH3sx77cG9cf7RoQvtSoJcHDb0o0pxap77VJvp6hcS1defJene5_ia4UT3UFMxXgUpDKZX31yyWDuF1yungtp_zrjZ4Po4M/s400/P1160339.JPG" width="400" /></a></span></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: small;">Male House Finch </span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: small;"><br /></span>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: small;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjrmvjah2CorH2sAr97-4dcCM0y1hPSaKkkTY98NV6wLXQmxYmV8m07z4LJ8ogRwYIq5yBgvc0EfQY58KXSlSyIXg3E55joxyJ0bn85tITYa9yNUZuY0v_CSTj9VfmHdzFDpC4zYcNtcbI/s1600/P1160675.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="265" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjrmvjah2CorH2sAr97-4dcCM0y1hPSaKkkTY98NV6wLXQmxYmV8m07z4LJ8ogRwYIq5yBgvc0EfQY58KXSlSyIXg3E55joxyJ0bn85tITYa9yNUZuY0v_CSTj9VfmHdzFDpC4zYcNtcbI/s400/P1160675.JPG" width="400" /></a></span></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: small;">Female House Finch at Sunset</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: small;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi9IVJKNtaO27LJEWYgOe_lwg5XSMwJHxNpVA1Kj2LFZUZNpsXlX5xebFpaCsIzD4FZUK4M7Pr06B2g4jz1qHo77EtJIs69ywy4NpkgLlcX4wXRlMjsIy3Jx3xLAEM88mQn7gXI17zznlc/s1600/P1150443.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="265" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi9IVJKNtaO27LJEWYgOe_lwg5XSMwJHxNpVA1Kj2LFZUZNpsXlX5xebFpaCsIzD4FZUK4M7Pr06B2g4jz1qHo77EtJIs69ywy4NpkgLlcX4wXRlMjsIy3Jx3xLAEM88mQn7gXI17zznlc/s400/P1150443.JPG" width="400" /></a></span></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: small;">Female House Finch</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: small;"><br /></span>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: small;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhuIYTCnqR3kfuIZsQV0btVRmpMzideDPLgKvAZqXJ5GP2S12ZvPXyOHCxtqF9qq6QYN-FlEUbyvTLl8OHmcGfTROWbmXptaMq6uq3tcXR8ZPjejU6VOpkYp74B9jETAEt4XRSa3QOpSE0/s1600/P1170108.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="276" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhuIYTCnqR3kfuIZsQV0btVRmpMzideDPLgKvAZqXJ5GP2S12ZvPXyOHCxtqF9qq6QYN-FlEUbyvTLl8OHmcGfTROWbmXptaMq6uq3tcXR8ZPjejU6VOpkYp74B9jETAEt4XRSa3QOpSE0/s400/P1170108.JPG" width="400" /></a></span></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: small;">Antelope Squirrel Waves Hello for a Picture</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: small;"><br /></span>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: small;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj4EKu1DYJbTCk9ajpu_paxcfvKLPm9ycofjuHMYKwXP06Y4UBq00AP7O4XKLBpg-1VI7jMwbyUYTX1F3N7gL7E4eE7lwlBqSkvJI0PmrjMRq6t5IGD1SSUETWKj0p3LnmBaGWMFQSKyNI/s1600/P1160210.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="283" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj4EKu1DYJbTCk9ajpu_paxcfvKLPm9ycofjuHMYKwXP06Y4UBq00AP7O4XKLBpg-1VI7jMwbyUYTX1F3N7gL7E4eE7lwlBqSkvJI0PmrjMRq6t5IGD1SSUETWKj0p3LnmBaGWMFQSKyNI/s400/P1160210.JPG" width="400" /></a></span></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: small;">Baby Bunny</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: small;"><br /></span>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: small;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiGLvm6FYv0L0ZdAG5E_DKRHmg2avzvyZ23WMvPBxs45ZW-KUCgC1ej6CVApoR7E5MqTM3OOeRC_HBmgwonp3bSo9pij9AIB8gjAvV_hBIY3Y2quMDcVRo9VdBnQlK9K6vJV0-zpB0dQjg/s1600/P1160118+%25282%2529.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="251" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiGLvm6FYv0L0ZdAG5E_DKRHmg2avzvyZ23WMvPBxs45ZW-KUCgC1ej6CVApoR7E5MqTM3OOeRC_HBmgwonp3bSo9pij9AIB8gjAvV_hBIY3Y2quMDcVRo9VdBnQlK9K6vJV0-zpB0dQjg/s400/P1160118+%25282%2529.JPG" width="400" /></a></span></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: small;">Roadrunner</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: small;"><br /></span>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: small;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiT8bCKqOqIR0Wx1mO14H62qLV2HOSJg7CeyzV9nrTe1IogDdtCVsDIUusemp6lI7SkEf0QKzErQVikkLwwlVaNTutCuv-EahEgdiNuKx0owuRhsk-BKyrhSi9EfFQWuJ6R5PZ2hF9WQOM/s1600/P1170164.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="265" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiT8bCKqOqIR0Wx1mO14H62qLV2HOSJg7CeyzV9nrTe1IogDdtCVsDIUusemp6lI7SkEf0QKzErQVikkLwwlVaNTutCuv-EahEgdiNuKx0owuRhsk-BKyrhSi9EfFQWuJ6R5PZ2hF9WQOM/s400/P1170164.JPG" width="400" /></a></span></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: small;">Desert Cardinal (Pyrrhuloxia)</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: small;"><br /></span>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: small;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi3WZXivIcDNnH5C9A_1qqOYRGQdeLydSUqPqVmoxvXn0UuzMILNENgzZwgdiUeCZoUGc4AyuqOeifwlutLJE4I03vSM80WLrPFUHCZ1_G7Xs92wsqotb9i8fzSrjH-lh_mFufUeJkEZKc/s1600/coopershawk.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="292" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi3WZXivIcDNnH5C9A_1qqOYRGQdeLydSUqPqVmoxvXn0UuzMILNENgzZwgdiUeCZoUGc4AyuqOeifwlutLJE4I03vSM80WLrPFUHCZ1_G7Xs92wsqotb9i8fzSrjH-lh_mFufUeJkEZKc/s400/coopershawk.jpg" width="400" /></a></span></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: small;">Coopers Hawk</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: small;"><br /></span>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: small;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEivVVNoIata4UfC2Aa_G6gJYvTtWkmXeHiTxO1mlMf6-lUNQfCps8wsW2_sfEJQmsp_bU4WFCfGVJORixYBjF6KqvX1SDnAfZMmM5JxR-oEd5GV_6VeBHdWL_bzEavjzNl_5kYyOSEDpKc/s1600/P1170274.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEivVVNoIata4UfC2Aa_G6gJYvTtWkmXeHiTxO1mlMf6-lUNQfCps8wsW2_sfEJQmsp_bU4WFCfGVJORixYBjF6KqvX1SDnAfZMmM5JxR-oEd5GV_6VeBHdWL_bzEavjzNl_5kYyOSEDpKc/s400/P1170274.JPG" width="400" /></a></span></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: small;">Deer</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: small;"><br /></span>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: small;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhCVIY7n9_yHw1dl-YGxQRb4leZP7dul5JqWYacUnBNI1MLXfmuQ5_WtXJLc0NUL2DLWCemRg72UEo290e8YfbGv5kXZJwS-U9YnVDp0M9apSX1Vv2WwkXGR4r0D4ZlIiCYnaPidOYFv-g/s1600/P1170055c.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="303" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhCVIY7n9_yHw1dl-YGxQRb4leZP7dul5JqWYacUnBNI1MLXfmuQ5_WtXJLc0NUL2DLWCemRg72UEo290e8YfbGv5kXZJwS-U9YnVDp0M9apSX1Vv2WwkXGR4r0D4ZlIiCYnaPidOYFv-g/s400/P1170055c.JPG" width="400" /></a></span></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: small;">Mourning Doves in Love</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: small;"><br /></span>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: small;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjVjyg1SF81urUE7LVvcLEg6hyii7gECAUNPcQHsLp0O6hzG49XNt_SY3QF1Qievm7mGuzZjSbX8f_SiehcBb98ola6W3XIFey1tTfLnxE3ni3Gdt6zuzk4PTyFT5bSvgtSkTwG-pC4fvg/s1600/P1170057.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="276" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjVjyg1SF81urUE7LVvcLEg6hyii7gECAUNPcQHsLp0O6hzG49XNt_SY3QF1Qievm7mGuzZjSbX8f_SiehcBb98ola6W3XIFey1tTfLnxE3ni3Gdt6zuzk4PTyFT5bSvgtSkTwG-pC4fvg/s400/P1170057.JPG" width="400" /></a></span></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: small;">Mourning Doves Kiss</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: small;"><br /></span>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: small;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiDIgTcXAkSBVv5YgDC5R-k2NmulLk86qABGtQ3Fx9KC_cxa5pORZSdkmel7LdeVx54cDplvhGFDm3xeviqA7D63L5flMvGTdFl9C2lDRUBTgW83QyI-k-T-SQIgy0-F5t-vz2ThCLfYsA/s1600/P1170769.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="265" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiDIgTcXAkSBVv5YgDC5R-k2NmulLk86qABGtQ3Fx9KC_cxa5pORZSdkmel7LdeVx54cDplvhGFDm3xeviqA7D63L5flMvGTdFl9C2lDRUBTgW83QyI-k-T-SQIgy0-F5t-vz2ThCLfYsA/s400/P1170769.JPG" width="400" /></a></span></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: small;">Gila Woodpecker</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: small;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-uqMyHjnO2Qg/VW3Q1Qt7AEI/AAAAAAAASHc/SbT_4jyWlvM/s1600/P1160339.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><br /></a></span></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: small;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgQmZQ4wwERupL9XTxfzSvu0vPn7SiGXlCjLHg-6JhE4jJpBkVzM2f-SWeN-xp_PfLyDeV-1GhPvdbbvsIkzwnKDTnltMQmKtzfiCKie-UvJjXTTjtjuIRVE9gkkA-0SrmPjQHZqVAYW4g/s1600/P1170701.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgQmZQ4wwERupL9XTxfzSvu0vPn7SiGXlCjLHg-6JhE4jJpBkVzM2f-SWeN-xp_PfLyDeV-1GhPvdbbvsIkzwnKDTnltMQmKtzfiCKie-UvJjXTTjtjuIRVE9gkkA-0SrmPjQHZqVAYW4g/s400/P1170701.JPG" width="265" /></a></span></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: small;">Gila Woodpecker and Saguaro Cactus Blooms</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: small;"><br /></span>
<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: small;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi8tl-XCeaPMGSJ8AWb-xmkFZ4bNqHc1UtwUNdVE5QJmkOSgVQjaxT4q-RBbIgOTaBhABSYEwHr0qo7DS7GDHIUFNIjOa2SpgAONLsjQyVu-avYikdriYpobTcd8y0y7SjbTrZ5kVUso_Q/s1600/P1170565.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="265" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi8tl-XCeaPMGSJ8AWb-xmkFZ4bNqHc1UtwUNdVE5QJmkOSgVQjaxT4q-RBbIgOTaBhABSYEwHr0qo7DS7GDHIUFNIjOa2SpgAONLsjQyVu-avYikdriYpobTcd8y0y7SjbTrZ5kVUso_Q/s400/P1170565.JPG" width="400" /></a></span></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: small;">Bee and Saguaro Cactus Bloom</span></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: small;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiYb7RvqOew4jhpoVjUVFFTeOYhdDPd-jo7JNtu5Rf6ik2UI9Vcagvvp0R9ICOnoFmyzjwu9o3TFtvCQPt0kUPaZmcYbTxDo-tjix9xtq4i3T-cUQQuVnTLjt4IcCVxYxhPq5lsKKVfZYo/s1600/P1170566.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="265" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiYb7RvqOew4jhpoVjUVFFTeOYhdDPd-jo7JNtu5Rf6ik2UI9Vcagvvp0R9ICOnoFmyzjwu9o3TFtvCQPt0kUPaZmcYbTxDo-tjix9xtq4i3T-cUQQuVnTLjt4IcCVxYxhPq5lsKKVfZYo/s400/P1170566.JPG" width="400" /></a></span></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: small;">Bee and Saguaro Cactus Bloom</span></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: small;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEinIcr-VA-oQJRKzYIMK-Vl4pd7mzh5DjiBu2eQACmrkfMKggOuBO_ENal-26tBwNP15rA5IWC9RiDiRH4L6uJjJZrFRIqrQhuvXaPiwv5kX1sc1RDjnH51UnyzkbvuJeUTST2QZ7ltx2Y/s1600/P1170415.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEinIcr-VA-oQJRKzYIMK-Vl4pd7mzh5DjiBu2eQACmrkfMKggOuBO_ENal-26tBwNP15rA5IWC9RiDiRH4L6uJjJZrFRIqrQhuvXaPiwv5kX1sc1RDjnH51UnyzkbvuJeUTST2QZ7ltx2Y/s400/P1170415.JPG" width="400" /></a></span></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: small;">Staghorn Cactus Buds</span></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: small;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjUibwL9LN2luKATMra0D2GjRoS629s_1jbjpusI7nCrVsrSEX2DkBL5fqVR-cJtds3PbBO8V3Xzr53Bxl6_cg2h59v4-yWq1D1zHZDdL3iAlq-0Xxe-7nBj6IitsvIQYVg30IpI7_4BXQ/s1600/P1170495+%25282%2529.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjUibwL9LN2luKATMra0D2GjRoS629s_1jbjpusI7nCrVsrSEX2DkBL5fqVR-cJtds3PbBO8V3Xzr53Bxl6_cg2h59v4-yWq1D1zHZDdL3iAlq-0Xxe-7nBj6IitsvIQYVg30IpI7_4BXQ/s400/P1170495+%25282%2529.JPG" width="400" /></a></span></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: small;">Cactus Bloom</span></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: small;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgXzOmOH0srZJghjbQg6XjKc9gIlL4fuy5gVXJThkZXpZnwar6RK4I3Jb2NLmaeubvIcsh4fHsiaerxXy2tdQIW6-bs334kbUJtmrdQjoeUsLaPxJH7dXYsVcMPUYO3GXspgdAu_J4lV8g/s1600/P1170498+%25282%2529.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="280" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgXzOmOH0srZJghjbQg6XjKc9gIlL4fuy5gVXJThkZXpZnwar6RK4I3Jb2NLmaeubvIcsh4fHsiaerxXy2tdQIW6-bs334kbUJtmrdQjoeUsLaPxJH7dXYsVcMPUYO3GXspgdAu_J4lV8g/s400/P1170498+%25282%2529.JPG" width="400" /></a></span></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: small;">Prickly Pear Cactus Blooms</span></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: small;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiYCo4YFCfC_yBLeFX1TG5PjKdPiQGktffJpJ5tUYl5R2-1JGdCStC2ZcQtZWOMx_s9cIRj4hPnvtLt3TAAm1h6sc7cHyZN1HFx06QE18QDgNJjrLku1Ay3WnQZ9zIBGFZuXgyP-7Z03Y8/s1600/P1160924.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiYCo4YFCfC_yBLeFX1TG5PjKdPiQGktffJpJ5tUYl5R2-1JGdCStC2ZcQtZWOMx_s9cIRj4hPnvtLt3TAAm1h6sc7cHyZN1HFx06QE18QDgNJjrLku1Ay3WnQZ9zIBGFZuXgyP-7Z03Y8/s400/P1160924.JPG" width="400" /></a></span></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: small;">Amaryllis after Rain</span></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: small;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgxjzbqtlBt7tcxFWWQw_hGD7qaTLfVfzE6AzKtSgvJteeYTKKFNCoa08Yb9vZzSrCPQvj9vlX3fPN6WKuVBbrOhA3decmwVcNAcvCLDK56iJTyALK3AyjW77NAlUIOaZi1KrvFSLqCrwc/s1600/P1170785.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgxjzbqtlBt7tcxFWWQw_hGD7qaTLfVfzE6AzKtSgvJteeYTKKFNCoa08Yb9vZzSrCPQvj9vlX3fPN6WKuVBbrOhA3decmwVcNAcvCLDK56iJTyALK3AyjW77NAlUIOaZi1KrvFSLqCrwc/s400/P1170785.JPG" width="400" /></a></span></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: small;">Orchids</span></td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: small;"><span class="readable reviewText"><span id="freeTextreview117781396">"Survival
often depends on a specific focus: A relationship, a belief, or a hope
balanced on the edge of possibility. Or something more ephemeral: the
way the sun passes through the hard seemingly impenetrable glass of a
window and warms the blanket, or how the wind, invisible but for its
wake, is so loud one can hear it through the insulated walls of a house."</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: small;"><span class="readable reviewText"><span id="freeTextreview117781396"> ― Elisabeth Tova Bailey, <u>The Sound of A Wild Snail Eating</u> </span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: small;">"Wherever you are, be there totally." </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: small;"><span class="s1"> ― Eckhart Tolle </span></span>
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Laurelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01688914443102913569noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1168792825239178484.post-66600759202313358002015-05-11T05:17:00.000-07:002015-08-18T06:34:23.501-07:00Help Fund Research for Awareness Day<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="color: black;">May 12th is <a href="http://www.dreamsatstake.com/p/what-is-mecfs.html">myalgic encephalomyellitis (ME)</a> awareness day. </span></span><span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">ME is a very serious and complex neuro-immune disease which afflicts as many as 17 million people world-wide. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">One way to raise awareness is to help fund research that could lead to a definitive biomarker and a better understanding of the disease, as well as to potential treatments or even a cure. If you are able, please consider donating to the <a href="http://www.openmedicinefoundation.org/mecfs-severely-ill-big-data-study/">Open Medicine Foundation's End ME/CFS Project</a>, which aims to conduct the first comprehensive study on those like me who are severely afflicted with the disease and are bedridden and/or housebound. It has been estimated that we comprise about 25% of the patient population, and yet, we have never been fully studied as a whole. This new study is therefore very important in terms of understanding the disease and finding answers that could lead to treatment. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">The Open Medicine Foundation (OMF) states: </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="background-color: white;">"</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #666666; line-height: 21px;">As part of our</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #666666; line-height: 21px;"> </span><a href="http://www.openmedicinefoundation.org/the-end-mecfs-project/" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #76afd6; line-height: 21px; margin: 0px; outline: none; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;" title="The End ME/CFS Project">End ME/CFS Project</a><span style="background-color: white; color: #666666; line-height: 21px;">, this study will conduct a comprehensive, “Big Data,” analysis on severely ill ME/CFS patients with the goal of finding sensitive and distinctive molecular biomarker(s). The molecular biomarkers that reflect the symptom mechanism are expected to be strongest in the approximately 25% of ME/CFS patients who have a severe form of the disease and are home-bound or bedbound.</span></span></blockquote>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #666666; line-height: 21px;">...In addition to increasing the accuracy of diagnosing ME/CFS, a distinctive biomarker that correlates with symptom severity could reveal the disease structure or mechanism.</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #666666; line-height: 21px;">" </span></span></blockquote>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">The OMF's End ME/CFS Project donation page can be found by clicking the image below:</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><a href="http://www.openmedicinefoundation.org/ways-of-giving/donate/"><img alt="Donation Page" border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjKVxOJtlVN7ffQE8gT_dw0OOSiV-2P5xYtjHocV4iSMotp8_AlzgLno4ISjXGtHark1nYJu2NW5i_wRB9ce7Z8gJ0VTj8xxktyUnDYVqcrwwdHVmCH_CVGiQuXvAN18Je_ZxuUat9reS8/s1600/Screenshot+(13).png" /><span id="goog_767191376"></span></a><span id="goog_767191377"></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br />Another noteworthy fund raising effort has been set up by Tom Whittingham, brother of severely afflicted ME patient and advocate <a href="http://www.telegraph.co.uk/women/womens-health/11018709/What-its-like-to-live-with-severe-ME.html">Naomi Whittingham</a>. Tom has created a beautiful and powerful video (posted below) to help raise awareness about ME, and to appeal for more research funding. He will be running in the Edinburgh marathon to raise money for <a href="http://www.meresearch.org.uk/">ME Research UK. </a> Please watch and share his video widely. To visit Tom's JustGiving donation page, click <a href="https://www.justgiving.com/tjwhittingham/">here</a>.</span><br />
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<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/dgovI7Q273g" width="560"></iframe>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"> </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Even if you are unable to donate, you can still help! Please consider signing <a href="http://www.thepetitionsite.com/490/782/145/more-nih-funding-for-mecfs-research/">this important petition</a> asking that the NIH increase funding for ME and CFS research. Despite the disease's severity and high prevalence, as well as an estimated economic burden of $20 billion per year, ME/CFS <a href="http://report.nih.gov/categorical_spending.aspx">remains among the least funded of all illnesses </a>in the U.S. </span><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">The NIH spends only 5 to 6 million dollars each year on the disease, and that amount is estimated to remain the same through 2016. More money is actually spent studying hay fever each year. Increased funding means more research, more answers, and the possibility of finding a treatment or even a cure. It will only take a second of your time to sign. Thank you!</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">NOTE: An additional, similar petition has just been created by ME Action and can be found <a href="http://www.meaction.net/funding-equality-petition/">here.</a> </span><br />
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Laurelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01688914443102913569noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1168792825239178484.post-28385027081871155182014-12-30T06:30:00.000-08:002015-08-15T06:13:57.573-07:0018 Years and 18 Wishes<span style="font-size: normal;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">It was December 31st of 1996 when I first fell suddenly ill with mononucleosis. I never recovered, and was later diagnosed with the neuro-immune disease <a href="http://www.dreamsatstake.com/p/what-is-mecfs.html" target="_blank">myalgic encephalomyelitis (ME)</a>. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: normal;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: normal;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Over time, in large part due to the lack of appropriate medical advice I received those first few years, the illness grew in severity until I collapsed and became mostly bedridden -- so sick that I still can barely speak more than a few words at a time in a voice just slightly above a whisper. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: normal;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: normal;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">As this anniversary approaches and I reflect on so much time lost to this disease, I find myself experiencing a sense of grief over a life not fully lived. Generally, I don't dwell on such things as it is just too overwhelming. As I've mentioned in previous posts, <span style="font-weight: normal;">in orde</span><b><span style="font-weight: normal;">r to cope with such a degree of loss, I've had to learn to shift my thinking </span></b><span style="font-weight: normal;">and</span><b><span style="font-weight: normal;"><b> </b>focus on what things I </span><span style="font-weight: normal;">can</span><span style="font-weight: normal;"> accomplish </span></b><span style="font-weight: normal;">each day</span><b><span style="font-weight: normal;"><b>, </b></span></b><span style="font-weight: normal;">r</span><span style="font-weight: normal;">ather than</span><b><span style="font-weight: normal;"><b> </b>on what I </span></b><span style="font-weight: normal;">cannot</span><b><span style="font-weight: normal;">. </span></b><span style="font-weight: normal;">Living in the moment i</span><b><span style="font-weight: normal;">s the only way to maintain a sense of normalcy, and to find joy in what gifts still remain.</span></b></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: normal;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: normal;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">But 18 years is a long time to be
this sick. It's an entire childhood lived into adulthood. It's nearly
two decades of potential life adventures and wonderful memories never experienced and irrevocably lost.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: normal;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: normal;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Recently, I stumbled upon <a href="http://my30wishes.blogspot.com/" target="_blank">a blog</a>
written by a young woman with severe ME who has spent much of her youth
confined to her bed. She was about to celebrate her 30th birthday and
she had <a href="http://my30wishes.blogspot.com/2014/09/the-wishes.html?spref=tw" target="_blank">30 wishes </a>she
wanted her readers to help her fulfill. Most were not wishes she
wanted granted for herself, but for others. She wanted you to join the
bone marrow register on her behalf, to donate blood, to give to a
charity, to sew a blanket for others who are bedbound. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: normal;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: normal;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">As my 18th "sickiversary"
approaches this year, I have decided to compile a similar list of my
own. They are 18 wishes of sorts. More specifically, they are 18 things I desperately wish I could do, but can't. And while I continue to maintain hope of someday regaining my health and being able to do all the many things I've so longed to do, that day has unfortunately not yet come. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: normal;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: normal;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><p>So, today, I ask you, if able, to choose just one item from the list and do it for me, as well as for all the others like me who have been bedridden and/or housebound with this disease for far too long. In doing so, you will give this anniversary more meaning, and you will help transform it into a day of wishes fulfilled rather than of wishes lost. It would be an immeasurable gift to me to know even one person had a small moment in their day that was just a little more fulfilling than it might otherwise have been.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: normal;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: normal;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">So, if you are healthy and able, and you have time in your busy day, please try to do just one of the following:</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: normal;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: normal;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">1. When you wake in the morning,
take a moment to fully savor the feeling of good health. Breathe it in
and let yourself feel an overwhelming sense of gratitude for the
amazing gift you have been given.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: normal;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: normal;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">2. When you get up and out of bed,
take a moment to marvel at the fact that you can even stand up; that you
can walk and freely move your body in whatever ways you wish. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: normal;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: normal;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">3. Revel in a long, hot shower or bubble bath.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: normal;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: normal;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">4.
Call an old friend on the phone you haven't talked to in awhile and
spend some time to catch up on each other's lives. If you don't have
time for a long chat, call someone simply to tell them you were thinking
of them, and that you love them.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: normal;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: normal;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">5. Hug a child. If you have children of your own, be sure to take a moment out of your day to hold them close, tell them how much they mean to you, and wonder at the tremendous miracle with which you have been so blessed. If you already do this every day, or even several times a day, do it just once more.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: normal;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: normal;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">6. Plan a romantic dinner with your significant other. Wear your fanciest dress or favorite outfit for the occasion -- if only because it's fun, and you can.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: normal;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: normal;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">7. Go for a walk. It could be a stroll in a park, along a beach, in a garden, around your backyard, or even just down the driveway to the mailbox. While doing so, take in the beauty of nature that surrounds you -- the brilliant blue sky, the abundance of trees and the sounds of birds chirping in the air. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: normal;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: normal;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">8. Exercise. People with ME are unable to do so, often even minimally, without severe repercussions because <a href="http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/24456560">o</a><a href="http://www.cortjohnson.org/blog/2014/05/20/declining-production-exercise-study-reveal-broad-decline-energy-output-chronic-fatigue-syndrome/">ur bodies simply don't respond appropriately. </a> So, for the millions of us worldwide with this disease who can't do so themselves -- join a gym, ride a bike, head out for a run, go swimming, climb a mountain or do something you love doing that energizes your body, and feel how amazing that sensation can be.</span></span> <br />
<span style="font-size: normal;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: normal;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">9. Do something from your bucket list; something you've always wanted to do, but have never done before.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: normal;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: normal;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">10. Sing a song out loud from beginning to end with full gusto, even if you sound horrible. Be grateful you have a voice.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: normal;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: normal;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">11. Plan an exotic vacation or go on a road trip.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: normal;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: normal;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">12. Read a book cover-to-cover, watch a movie marathon or go to a theater/concert to see a professional performance.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: normal;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: normal;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">13. Do something artistic. Paint, draw, sew, dance, write a poem or create something beautiful with your hands. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: normal;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: normal;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">14. If you have been putting off a doctor's appointment, don't delay any further. Call
to have that routine physical, a mammogram or any other test you know
needs done, but that you haven't gotten around to yet. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: normal;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: normal;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">15. Cook a meal for or plan a night out with friends. </span></span> <br />
<span style="font-size: normal;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: normal;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">16. Simply go to work and be grateful that you can.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: normal;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: normal;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">17. Do something kind for someone
today. This is something I can still do myself, of course, but not to
the degree I would like. So, if you can, go out of your way to help make someone's day extra
special. It could be a simple random act of kindness, donating to a charity or something more involved like volunteering at a
hospital, church or shelter. It doesn't take much to make
someone smile and let them know they matter and that their life has
value. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: normal;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: normal;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">18. Try not to complain about the little
things. It can be easy to get caught up in the bustle of everyday activity and lose sight of all the amazing things you have right in front of you. If you are in good health,
are able to get out of bed each
morning, go for a walk, go to school or work, engage with friends and
family and the people who love you dearly -- these are the things that
matter. If
you find yourself agitated or annoyed about something today, remember to take a moment to gain perspective and realize just
how fortunate you truly are. Soak in all the goodness in your life and appreciate every precious moment. So much can be lost in an instant, and you won't want to have missed a single second.</span></span>
<br />
<span style="font-size: normal;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span></span>
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<span style="font-size: normal;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgXChcSOIcDeTz7sohIXmeV84wuCJuuFYwz7tQWBaQHDaXM6CkLvDreC_939wA-4CcqkXhrgaQA1F_caUqPu4A7d0e1KKw7W13kmGmGiGBLkFN2eNh86NuQBY9IF_Br0W1wtrZHxdDRo9o/s1600/tumblr_lwm7duGWYX1qciek8o1_500.jpg" target="_blank"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgXChcSOIcDeTz7sohIXmeV84wuCJuuFYwz7tQWBaQHDaXM6CkLvDreC_939wA-4CcqkXhrgaQA1F_caUqPu4A7d0e1KKw7W13kmGmGiGBLkFN2eNh86NuQBY9IF_Br0W1wtrZHxdDRo9o/s1600/tumblr_lwm7duGWYX1qciek8o1_500.jpg" width="320" /></a></span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: normal;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span></span>Laurelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01688914443102913569noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1168792825239178484.post-5326175193787905602014-05-30T05:46:00.000-07:002014-11-02T11:17:46.043-08:00Spring and New Things<i></i>
<i>"I am thankful that in a troubled world no calamity can prevent the return of spring." </i>-- Helen Keller<br />
<br />
I have always loved the shift of seasons. Autumn used to be my favorite; however, since becoming ill, I find I much prefer spring -- the season of hope, renewal and rebirth. As new buds grow on what were once barren trees, I am reminded that change is inevitable, and that winters -- no matter how long -- do not last forever.<br />
<br />
This spring has brought with it a few changes for me. They are nothing of major significance, but so rarely does anything happen in my world that even the slightest activity or modification seems noteworthy. <br />
<br />
Earlier this year, my parents bought a new reclining lounge chair to put
by the window in the spare bedroom. So far, I've been able to sit in
it with some regularity, and it's been wonderful. It feels so good to be in an actual
chair rather than a bed, even if I'm still lying down. There's
also something more freeing about being right by a window rather than looking
through it at a distance. I can see more of the bright, blue sky and
feel the warm sun as it shines on my face. <br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjZzvKmMUDiUoHze7LIanC3nAcS8ieh-Y2M9B8l4fWGrLdhFWxroqE1mKbFdr65drr5D7PE4mKcXUeYX79W4MdAesVuBFCBfDlQjJjWUmVTrZZXFU-xe485bHIx6UF4EqatcCReLQIu_lY/s1600/P1140004c.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjZzvKmMUDiUoHze7LIanC3nAcS8ieh-Y2M9B8l4fWGrLdhFWxroqE1mKbFdr65drr5D7PE4mKcXUeYX79W4MdAesVuBFCBfDlQjJjWUmVTrZZXFU-xe485bHIx6UF4EqatcCReLQIu_lY/s1600/P1140004c.JPG" height="273" width="400" /></a></div>
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The spare room is
adjacent to my own bedroom, so the view is similar. Still, I get to see
my mesquite tree (and all the wildlife that visit) at a slightly
different angle, with a better view of the Rincon mountains behind it.
One of these days, I'd love to sit there in the early morning, just
before sunrise, so that I can look up at the night sky (something I
rarely get to see) and watch the sun come up over the mountains.<br />
<br />
I received a new camera over the holidays, which means I've been taking even more photos of the birds and wildlife outside my bedroom window. The camera has better zoom, allowing for clearer pictures. Here are a few of my favorite shots from the last few months (click to enlarge):<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEht3u8oQDYUy82psZOmWJ4m7XFscEriafiCy731qacYEaLAGSZubzZomqxYAqmNS0QLB16eNgzrD3BtsP3OF7eSzML4twP_eRI6TmRv6k8RePslA8mnn_2qPupjKRdfsKiV91uH6juAmco/s1600/P1140752.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEht3u8oQDYUy82psZOmWJ4m7XFscEriafiCy731qacYEaLAGSZubzZomqxYAqmNS0QLB16eNgzrD3BtsP3OF7eSzML4twP_eRI6TmRv6k8RePslA8mnn_2qPupjKRdfsKiV91uH6juAmco/s1600/P1140752.JPG" height="265" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Hawk (possibly a juvenile Cooper's Hawk)</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjiHRoKgJZ-Sv0CCxFK3Hgr6wXCVAvYtuzhLpd_U0R9pJGZ0gO0Zobrnjk-QJNdaUpWd1k2fRt3tjRpSucg1u-p9Dnj6EqDG75lfO5-yba2VBV0r05hnA9jE9uelsdTZfWcFOPN_Yo1_qY/s1600/P1140050.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjiHRoKgJZ-Sv0CCxFK3Hgr6wXCVAvYtuzhLpd_U0R9pJGZ0gO0Zobrnjk-QJNdaUpWd1k2fRt3tjRpSucg1u-p9Dnj6EqDG75lfO5-yba2VBV0r05hnA9jE9uelsdTZfWcFOPN_Yo1_qY/s1600/P1140050.JPG" height="265" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Lesser Goldfinch</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEibdn79UZZaO4nL6PL-2Iu5w14mrumIotTMyLsCEInmVCirTVCxz59CNZSzLIvl9FPJv54_NCsar-VGCSyLM9z0MpLCIuG7crQGQoZMoAfHxnEnhb7d4dZV5-xbVTyAOXmueWY2Sc3v-oE/s1600/P1140651.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEibdn79UZZaO4nL6PL-2Iu5w14mrumIotTMyLsCEInmVCirTVCxz59CNZSzLIvl9FPJv54_NCsar-VGCSyLM9z0MpLCIuG7crQGQoZMoAfHxnEnhb7d4dZV5-xbVTyAOXmueWY2Sc3v-oE/s1600/P1140651.JPG" height="265" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Lizard</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEii0S8LNtMXUlojAsq1BM-dnzAVHWO5LIE35bllhanb0fwvGu3oICFNmGcOaLGbTCU2o7nrwAbDLejCjiufZB6ynpKtVW3i4tXRtV6z0ZGcTPoi2PeXT4hyJhAMwdwiINC9YoB4mEKvLFU/s1600/P1140192.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEii0S8LNtMXUlojAsq1BM-dnzAVHWO5LIE35bllhanb0fwvGu3oICFNmGcOaLGbTCU2o7nrwAbDLejCjiufZB6ynpKtVW3i4tXRtV6z0ZGcTPoi2PeXT4hyJhAMwdwiINC9YoB4mEKvLFU/s1600/P1140192.JPG" height="265" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Mourning Dove</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh26eiOh7XS2kL7AgmEDAZMemqgpzlru8qIxbuY_Isrd11ZHPN6w-wuj3__l7QbLypYxH3ZJfwNdyEysarkeV2F2vG9ShUzcim7bthlFm1oRPMWbgQUtY4ii7BA4wRRTpbovVKU-jh6-Po/s1600/P1150160.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh26eiOh7XS2kL7AgmEDAZMemqgpzlru8qIxbuY_Isrd11ZHPN6w-wuj3__l7QbLypYxH3ZJfwNdyEysarkeV2F2vG9ShUzcim7bthlFm1oRPMWbgQUtY4ii7BA4wRRTpbovVKU-jh6-Po/s1600/P1150160.JPG" height="265" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Male House Finch Feeding His Girlfriend</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhiPJJCa3emvQ4prMv_8R4nyD4aQmemW2OpCyV7sYG8TT-bdR-DisHi77ZbIS0icM6cxmezZgb-Q2lU8ReI4bfVpFLpiLTT-BJiJPu8WMrVrf1TrLA09dqHT3wBU5cX9S6aluymf5VVRV8/s1600/P1150383.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhiPJJCa3emvQ4prMv_8R4nyD4aQmemW2OpCyV7sYG8TT-bdR-DisHi77ZbIS0icM6cxmezZgb-Q2lU8ReI4bfVpFLpiLTT-BJiJPu8WMrVrf1TrLA09dqHT3wBU5cX9S6aluymf5VVRV8/s1600/P1150383.JPG" height="263" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">More Finch Feedings</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<div style="text-align: center;">
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi7zYTKPy4agsoVZTRtavhWgFtUZo-5QF4qBAg04bpJ6U-EnGQHDG-YlpiNxZr4StCx9NFE0w0YmYHc1IHlTKM2rVxoTtcVThZgCJwIezIHke2KBnFFJiBGVWobYx0LeslXkeUuNGlWITw/s1600/z2.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi7zYTKPy4agsoVZTRtavhWgFtUZo-5QF4qBAg04bpJ6U-EnGQHDG-YlpiNxZr4StCx9NFE0w0YmYHc1IHlTKM2rVxoTtcVThZgCJwIezIHke2KBnFFJiBGVWobYx0LeslXkeUuNGlWITw/s1600/z2.JPG" height="267" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Two Female House Finches</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiCN6vCgHTgmIGvdzr_qgdc_nuMssNBkiLB6U4bV_UwB2V-UR3GgJzdZ7K1gY9wEVM8qrDNbz4lBAoj_qX-xK8HyFVDW0vEEnZqmpc1taX3Su-H5KHVv76AM3Nx8YEihETcDpMQq4kcaBQ/s1600/P1140697.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiCN6vCgHTgmIGvdzr_qgdc_nuMssNBkiLB6U4bV_UwB2V-UR3GgJzdZ7K1gY9wEVM8qrDNbz4lBAoj_qX-xK8HyFVDW0vEEnZqmpc1taX3Su-H5KHVv76AM3Nx8YEihETcDpMQq4kcaBQ/s1600/P1140697.JPG" height="268" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Curve-billed Thrasher</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgQrtonplRKMoUuqgoCYMTIek1Gsthwic_JDndGYYRMe9xJpYpJkn2XSZpp8pTn4KUTjr33VU_BFQQ6XYP1xwJu0vugk4WaLb0NCV5ONgnC_nSOPjGjqvk8A_r7E0GoVT5UrcWEAQ3Ffq4/s1600/P1150249.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgQrtonplRKMoUuqgoCYMTIek1Gsthwic_JDndGYYRMe9xJpYpJkn2XSZpp8pTn4KUTjr33VU_BFQQ6XYP1xwJu0vugk4WaLb0NCV5ONgnC_nSOPjGjqvk8A_r7E0GoVT5UrcWEAQ3Ffq4/s1600/P1150249.JPG" height="300" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Round-Tailed Ground Squirrel Munching on a Snack</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjOZTP2rFNFGFrnsiDPlC6lb1tncVKDHvbS3lhRefrwmULITQQOaN7v7Apg7eh_ItMQXY9rr1M2K79IKga1w93UQts5XDL3H6zrFMJBPJDydIjYZCsWwBc3FirOetDVgonJeeObvBjZZa0/s1600/P1140824.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjOZTP2rFNFGFrnsiDPlC6lb1tncVKDHvbS3lhRefrwmULITQQOaN7v7Apg7eh_ItMQXY9rr1M2K79IKga1w93UQts5XDL3H6zrFMJBPJDydIjYZCsWwBc3FirOetDVgonJeeObvBjZZa0/s1600/P1140824.JPG" height="265" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Quail</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh4UeXGed7EIy03VXyqEzajlMQqbNpSPfsKxaE-gHORgREe0oS2fM7FDrsnPxPJKFd0zaqI9KZXEv6KPn4tw5dN3uzX8Qq08OsvTnqNxZgLzJNEH6X2uIKsl6RsMxPiLf4qyq1tbusmZps/s1600/P1150487c.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh4UeXGed7EIy03VXyqEzajlMQqbNpSPfsKxaE-gHORgREe0oS2fM7FDrsnPxPJKFd0zaqI9KZXEv6KPn4tw5dN3uzX8Qq08OsvTnqNxZgLzJNEH6X2uIKsl6RsMxPiLf4qyq1tbusmZps/s1600/P1150487c.JPG" height="253" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Deer</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<br />
(If interested, more photos can be found on my new<a href="https://www.flickr.com/photos/122775884@N05/"> Flickr account</a>).</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br />
<div style="text-align: left;">
One day in early spring, I was lying in bed with my eyes closed, soaking in some music. When I opened my eyes, I was surprised by the sight outside my window. At first, all I saw was a splash of white and black striped fur, and it took me a moment to realize it was a bobcat. He was actually lying down with his belly up and his legs in the air while he scratched his back in repeated motions on the surface of the ground. I was stunned! He was like a big house cat playing in the dirt. I quickly went to grab my camera, but by the time I could snap a photo, he was already standing back up and was on his way out. Still, it was quite the sight to see!</div>
</div>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgJ0rmYtvdol8mBd_d9lE8lyRMZEDQ-U2gWkdWK9IbNLWuJMmRUzjvrkOW7jKhwrUumqmK3wQYhbge7ERcE9aODm-ujWmGamV24_b0JCbThfpNJZsf2sQfswkzkvVds4f4PuJeXxkCbaFQ/s1600/P1140116s.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgJ0rmYtvdol8mBd_d9lE8lyRMZEDQ-U2gWkdWK9IbNLWuJMmRUzjvrkOW7jKhwrUumqmK3wQYhbge7ERcE9aODm-ujWmGamV24_b0JCbThfpNJZsf2sQfswkzkvVds4f4PuJeXxkCbaFQ/s1600/P1140116s.JPG" height="266" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Bobcat after a Back Scratch</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
In April, my brother and his family came out for their annual visit. It's always such a joy to see the sweet, smiling faces of my niece and nephew each morning. My limitations in interaction and speech allow me little more than a hug and a few whispers of "I love you" every day, which always breaks my heart. But I'm grateful even for those short, precious moments with them. They had grown so much since I last saw them. Here's a photo that my father took of them enjoying the view on top of Mt. Lemmon.<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEga7DiJr3q6KzDRWXFi76AXtGgvHrip0I_oG3Gzwn-epEC8v4SOYsXLzp3VcseMixjtJafJ9TlP5TwGlagCYQEbFCJqgmnlpq2p_kL0mh3CTOmRl8ebQiF8rycylEP06Mb8q9HyTuXE_-Y/s1600/DSC00101+(1).jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEga7DiJr3q6KzDRWXFi76AXtGgvHrip0I_oG3Gzwn-epEC8v4SOYsXLzp3VcseMixjtJafJ9TlP5TwGlagCYQEbFCJqgmnlpq2p_kL0mh3CTOmRl8ebQiF8rycylEP06Mb8q9HyTuXE_-Y/s1600/DSC00101+(1).jpg" height="291" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">On Top of the World</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
It had been a very long wait, but this past May, for the first time in almost a year, I was twice able to lie outside in the patio lounge chair on our deck. It was pure bliss. Each time, the sky was a deep cerulean blue with little brushstrokes of wispy, white clouds. At one point, I saw a group of Harris' hawks flying overhead, gracefully encircling each other as they worked together in search of food. On desert grounds, the cacti were just starting to burst open with colorful blooms, and I saw a white-winged dove feed on a saguaro cactus blossom nearby. Further below, I could see lizards, gophers, squirrels, butterflies and bunnies all scurrying about, looking for nourishment. I savored every minute of it.<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEikG27UCCJ7k3tvzLvS7AddrsoxTl2OFUgmGF5HBI_ZuUbttAA47y5PcMBXlY6yuG8TZBp7NItUKE_UKqQEAB9f2NdtbTgReQksbB0idyUSLHku6PETnX7pyAB6smDdAE9jisxjrOqoQzk/s1600/P1150267s.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEikG27UCCJ7k3tvzLvS7AddrsoxTl2OFUgmGF5HBI_ZuUbttAA47y5PcMBXlY6yuG8TZBp7NItUKE_UKqQEAB9f2NdtbTgReQksbB0idyUSLHku6PETnX7pyAB6smDdAE9jisxjrOqoQzk/s1600/P1150267s.JPG" height="400" width="270" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Bougainvillea</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj3mwYBaCCjt0ZadkpGUxKYkN9bcG7UQb4bakKS7rPZA4XIwEJb5i3LoQxKVa1RtqXExR5npmw85E_pnagw1yWR98ikyDhyphenhyphenV_tIJ5PQzHlERCD9V3t4z5tTUjIquzGRmTqOJc2wLIxW27A/s1600/P1150778.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj3mwYBaCCjt0ZadkpGUxKYkN9bcG7UQb4bakKS7rPZA4XIwEJb5i3LoQxKVa1RtqXExR5npmw85E_pnagw1yWR98ikyDhyphenhyphenV_tIJ5PQzHlERCD9V3t4z5tTUjIquzGRmTqOJc2wLIxW27A/s1600/P1150778.JPG" height="400" width="266" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Soaptree Yucca</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgbSUutDGqccFWbe3nA7plULjYNfJ-UFjJCJ_4ieq4QrxFLvxR1VdbppuDd5Oy0Zu-sUydMqGHe5UCbjyIK8CTJT0ONaeVRDOecevyzQ4Mcnvorz_jIy2QabJra6Ie1VVs2TvtNy5uGJwM/s1600/P1150615.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgbSUutDGqccFWbe3nA7plULjYNfJ-UFjJCJ_4ieq4QrxFLvxR1VdbppuDd5Oy0Zu-sUydMqGHe5UCbjyIK8CTJT0ONaeVRDOecevyzQ4Mcnvorz_jIy2QabJra6Ie1VVs2TvtNy5uGJwM/s1600/P1150615.JPG" height="266" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">White Winged Dove on Saguaro Cactus</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj4-jXT5DeBhX8yTSmGM-ZU-40Aqc5aeYVP-NkJJ2bP_VqDqxN5oyKNGhEuR_PsZ7A8aqReVA5cAatnRZZKdq8_juPT0pISzUonkXK8qMfTyOAMGpI-yDlwi5bLVIcUnFKdT4YjxDtxUFQ/s1600/P1150705.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj4-jXT5DeBhX8yTSmGM-ZU-40Aqc5aeYVP-NkJJ2bP_VqDqxN5oyKNGhEuR_PsZ7A8aqReVA5cAatnRZZKdq8_juPT0pISzUonkXK8qMfTyOAMGpI-yDlwi5bLVIcUnFKdT4YjxDtxUFQ/s1600/P1150705.JPG" height="260" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">White Winged Dove Feeding on Blooms</td></tr>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhXGqRQGoET0zX4WVq9jLFrmCvAQ-SVjGuddMyT7Z9bF0-fv8Zs9kgJw3Y0uGyoTqZZqhyZvFJdrKX6iTFVMKvOqSHFNofRxQYJ3s0KZDpwGZn_-0BmxjXODPi8fYFXIT948YE_JXIoGIs/s1600/P1150706.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhXGqRQGoET0zX4WVq9jLFrmCvAQ-SVjGuddMyT7Z9bF0-fv8Zs9kgJw3Y0uGyoTqZZqhyZvFJdrKX6iTFVMKvOqSHFNofRxQYJ3s0KZDpwGZn_-0BmxjXODPi8fYFXIT948YE_JXIoGIs/s1600/P1150706.JPG" height="253" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"> Dove on Cactus Blooms</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiIcl2kWXdJ4e_9BOLNGtzG2-6o29U1cV8vjLve2fkg9X2F_eNhUufGPww70TmEePiYWH_KnlVIAu2oJsdxQCNVEdS2wXAmCz_USgomDLWDvIUv4RIK4jBZSAaJBaWjzrvW-0FmQvuTR5s/s1600/P1150696a.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiIcl2kWXdJ4e_9BOLNGtzG2-6o29U1cV8vjLve2fkg9X2F_eNhUufGPww70TmEePiYWH_KnlVIAu2oJsdxQCNVEdS2wXAmCz_USgomDLWDvIUv4RIK4jBZSAaJBaWjzrvW-0FmQvuTR5s/s1600/P1150696a.JPG" height="272" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Prickly Pear Cactus Bloom</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjkEJ3A-XN-FvpqcU5-tNeVpSo1auu5GLvk2IRUaoNjFdwqAS1qE5wWb1kefJ1aXT8CtTuV11FWYtOuOZofnlGLWMgd1Ui5sdqQq4Dy5VKUUw0WX7Keln6yl4OYHa0exn7NKabq5PQBDBg/s1600/P1150646.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjkEJ3A-XN-FvpqcU5-tNeVpSo1auu5GLvk2IRUaoNjFdwqAS1qE5wWb1kefJ1aXT8CtTuV11FWYtOuOZofnlGLWMgd1Ui5sdqQq4Dy5VKUUw0WX7Keln6yl4OYHa0exn7NKabq5PQBDBg/s1600/P1150646.JPG" height="266" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Turkey Vulture Flying Over Mountains</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Bunny</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Beautiful View</td></tr>
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<br />
I've
mentioned in previous posts that, as a result of cognitive issues
stemming from ME, I have not been able to watch TV or movies in over a
decade. I actually have a drape over my television set so that I can listen to
news and a few other shows without being tempted to peek at the screen.
I am generally okay with short clips (such as on YouTube) if there is relative stillness and not much rapid movement. However, viewing repetitive screen changes for even a couple seconds often causes an instant, debilitating crash/setback. <br />
<br />
I used to be a big film lover, so it's been hard to have missed out on so
many great movies over the years. Recently, I tried listening to a
couple films to see if I could follow along without actually watching,
and I was surprised by how well it worked. As long as the movie is
heavy in dialogue, I'm able to visualize it and follow along with
relative ease. I've enjoyed listening to several movies and some
documentaries as well. It's opened the door to a new activity beyond
just listening to audiobooks all day long, so I'm grateful for that.<br />
<br />
On
another note, I decided awhile ago to take a huge step back from
advocacy and awareness efforts. Actually, it wasn't a decision as much
as a necessity. The energy expended just isn't worth the potential toll
on my health, especially with so few positive results. However, I continue to
sign petitions, donate to causes/research, use <a href="https://twitter.com/DreamsAtStake">Twitter </a>and post to my <a href="https://www.facebook.com/dreamsatstake">blog's Facebook page </a>when
able. Of course, I also strongly support and greatly appreciate the
ongoing work of other advocates who are still pushing forward to create change, and I do what I can to assist in those efforts.
It is so important that our voices continue to be heard. For the
time being, I just personally need to move away from large scale efforts
(such as videos and testimonies) and focus more fully on my health.<br />
<br />
And that is one thing that regretfully has not changed. My health remains the same. I continue to experiment with <a href="http://www.dreamsatstake.com/2010/02/treatments.html">various treatment options</a> but, so far, without much success. I have been taking <a href="http://cfspatientadvocate.blogspot.com/2012/05/dr-derek-enlander-and-maf-878.html">MAF probiotic 878</a> for almost two years now, and for awhile, it did seem to help to some degree -- most specifically with cognition. The improvement was mild, but it was enough for me to take notice and appreciate. It was the first time in 17 years that anything really seemed to help me, even if only slightly. It's not clear that the supplement is still providing any benefit, but I continue to take it even if mostly out of hope.<br />
<br />
In the meantime, other than my new lounge chair, I generally remain confined to my bed, unable to stand or walk. I still can't speak more than a few words above a whisper. I continue to suffer setbacks, sometimes severe, from even the mildest of exertion. But, for now, I try to take things moment to moment and make the best of what is while continuing to look for solutions. And, of course, most importantly, I remain determined to persevere. I still have hope that, someday, my own personal spring will finally come. I am so ready for it.Laurelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01688914443102913569noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1168792825239178484.post-64582282619031041692014-05-26T06:30:00.000-07:002018-11-10T12:51:30.123-08:00Some Resources for Those who are BedriddenYears ago, when I first became housebound (and eventually bedridden) with ME, I had very few places to turn. I was
living alone at the time, and while I had some friends and family nearby who were willing to help, my sense of pride prevented me from asking for the
wide range of assistance I suddenly needed. Overnight, I had gone from working
full-time to being unable to grocery shop, do my own laundry, clean,
cook or otherwise care for myself. Doctors did not have answers for me, and
the ordeal of getting out to appointments in and of itself would often
set me back further.<br />
<br />
Desperate for help, I contacted various agencies and
organizations looking for assistance. However, more often than not, I was turned away. Unless I required hospice care or had a lot of money to spare, few had anything to offer me. Indeed, I have been continuously surprised by the scarcity of resources there are for those who are chronically housebound and/or bedridden. These lack of services became even more evident to me once
I began blogging. Unfortunately, I have received numerous emails over the years from other bedridden
patients who have been unsuccessful in seeking the same kind of help that I, too, have had such difficulty
finding.<br />
<br />
In
light of that, I thought I'd share a few services I've come across in the hopes it may provide some benefit to those who need
it. Please realize that, unless otherwise noted, these are agencies
and resources I've found simply by doing a basic web search over time.<i> </i>I
am not affiliated with any of these companies or websites, nor do I
know anything about the quality of service or expertise they offer. It's important for anyone to do their own research about an organization when seeking out professional help.<br />
<br />
First,
there are some services that are provided by Medicare and Medicaid for
those who qualify. For a comprehensive list of what Medicare offers in home health care services, please check out their<a href="http://www.medicare.gov/Publications/Pubs/pdf/10969.pdf" target="_blank"> Medicare and Home Health Care brochure.</a><br />
<br />
Regretfully, many of the services Medicare does NOT offer are those that bedridden/housebound ME patients often desperately need -- particularly those who cannot rely solely on friends and family, or who spend much of their days alone. These exclusions (if they are the only assistance you need) include personal care given by home health aides (such as bathing and dressing), meal delivery and homemaker services like shopping, cleaning and laundry.<br />
<br />
From what I understand, should you qualify, Medicaid offers more services than Medicare. These services tend to vary by state.
For more information, check your state's Medicaid program, or visit<a href="http://www.cms.gov/home/medicaid.asp" target="_blank"> http://www.cms.gov/home/medicaid.asp</a><br />
<br />
Fortunately, there are many in-home health care agencies around the country that will provide
cleaning, shopping, meal preparation and some degree of medical care,
but at a fee. For those who can afford it, a quick online search can provide information on home health care in
your area. Nurse visits can also often be arranged through these
agencies; however, generally speaking, doctor visits can not. Most agencies will instead provide transportation to a doctor's appointment for those who are able (free transportation services are also often available to those who qualify). However, for many with severe ME, a trip to the doctor's office, even with assistance, is not always possible due to the severe (and sometimes permanent) setback such an outing can cause.<br />
<br />
In the last many years, there seems to be a growing number of organizations throughout the country that are beginning to
offer physician services in the home. One such organization is the <a href="http://visitingphysicians.com/" target="_blank">Visiting Physicians Association.</a> Also, the <a href="http://www.aahcm.org/?Locate_A_Provider" target="_blank">American Academy of Homecare Medicine </a>offers a list of doctors by state who, as a public service, also make house calls.<br />
<br />
Please
again note that I am offering this information as a resource only and
have no other knowledge about these agencies beyond what is listed on their
website. Also, keep in mind that while these doctors make house calls,
they may not (and, in most cases, probably do not) have extensive or
even basic knowledge about ME. Regretably, it is very difficult to find
a doctor well-informed about the complexities of this disease, particularly in its severest form. It is even
harder to find one who is also willing to make house calls.<br />
<br />
For
those who may not be aware, Dr. Charles Lapp, an M.D. in North
Carolina, recently put a call out to severely ill/bedridden ME
patients. Right now it appears he is merely collecting the information, with
possible hopes of trying to find ways to provide care to these patients
in the future. For more information about
contacting Dr. Lapp, please see<a href="http://livewithcfs.blogspot.com/2013/10/in-search-of-severely-ill-bedridden.html?spref=tw" target="_blank"> here.</a> If nothing else, it's important for doctors to realize
how many of us are out there looking for help. <br />
<br />
Specialty
doctors for basic dental or eye care at home can also be extremely
difficult to find. However, there are some dentists and optometrists who
will offer limited care in the home for those who are bedridden. You
can contact your state's dental or other specialty organization to ask
if they are aware of any doctors in your area who make housecalls. For
example, with some persistence, I recently found an optometrist willing to come to my home by
emailing my state's optometry association. A couple years ago,
through the help of a local acquaintance, I also found a dentist in my area
who routinely makes house calls, which turned out to be a true
life-saver for me. I would never have survived such an extensive outing
to fix all the issues I was having. <br />
<br />
Many cities also
provide mobile services for ultrasounds, EKGs and X-rays (with
restrictions), provided you have a doctor who will order the tests for you.<br />
<br />
Please note, however, that many of these doctors and services do not accept insurance, or insurance will not pay because the services are provided in the home. This of course means that, unfortunately, these options might not be feasible for most patients.<br />
<br />
I've also received many emails over the years asking how I avoid bed sores, or what kind of products I use to ease my comfort or
accomplish certain tasks throughout the day. I am fortunate that I am
well enough to sit up and turn myself in bed, and can still get up to use the bathroom
on my own each day (the latter with the help of my wheelchair). As of
yet, bed sores have not been an issue for me. However, there are
products available to those who find this a concern, as well as other
products designed to make life a bit easier for the bedridden. <a href="http://www.allegromedical.com/attr-condition-Bedridden.html" target="_blank">AllegroMedical</a> is one site where you can purchase such items, but there are many other websites available as well.<br />
<br />
Those who have read one of my former blog entries, <a href="http://dreamsatstake.blogspot.com/2010/04/eyes-wide-shut.html" target="_blank">Eyes Wide Shut,</a>
know that, as a result of cognitive problems stemming from ME, I rely on a text-to-speech program to help me navigate online
and to read all my emails and other items for me. There are also
several speech-to-text programs available for those who would find that
helpful. I don't have an iPod or iPad, but I know some versions have a
voice application called Siri that could be useful to some patients.<br />
<br />
I also participate in my local library's Books-By-Mail program, which is a free service that lends audio and large print books by postal mail to the visually impaired and disabled. Many libraries have similar programs.<br />
<br />
In addition to all the above, Emily Collingridge wrote an excellent book called <a href="http://www.severeme.info/about-the-book.html" target="_blank"><u>Severe ME/CFS: A Guide to Living</u></a>.
It is designed specifically to help provide a wide range of resources to those with severe ME and/or CFS (geared towards the UK, but useful for all). Her book can be purchased
through her website (<a href="http://www.severeme.info/" target="_blank">http://www.severeme.info/</a>). <br />
<br />
Lastly,
this illness, especially in its severest form, is incredibly
isolating. I have received many emails requesting information on how to meet and
communicate with other bedridden patients. This is difficult for many
reasons, but primarily because most bedridden patients are too sick to
be online for any length of time, and thus cannot fully participate on
social media or other similar forums. However, for those who are able,
sites such as <a href="http://forums.phoenixrising.me/index.php" target="_blank">Phoenix Rising</a>, <a href="http://beta.healclick.com/" target="_blank"> HealClick,</a> <a href="http://www.mecfsforums.com/">ME/CFS Forums</a> and Facebook social groups like <a href="https://www.facebook.com/groups/severemechatandsupport/" target="_blank">Severe ME Chat and Support.</a> might be useful and provide some comfort.<br />
<br />
Perhaps
the most helpful piece of information for those bedridden with ME is
simply knowing you are not alone. Here is a list of just a few blogs
and websites written by or devoted to those with severe ME (more links can be found to the right of this page):<br />
<br />
<br />
<ul>
<li><a href="https://arainbowatnight.com/whatisme/resources-for-severe-myalgic-encephalomyelitis-m-e/">A Rainbow at Night: Resources for Severe ME</a></li>
<li><a href="http://behindthesurface.blogspot.com/">Behind the Surface</a> </li>
<li><a href="http://cheeringfromsidelines.blogspot.co.uk/">Cheering from the Sidelines </a></li>
<li><a href="https://deadmendontsnore.wordpress.com/">Dead Men Don't Snore </a></li>
<li><a href="http://documentingme.net/">Documenting ME</a></li>
<li><a href="http://www.jkrowbory.co.uk/" target="_blank">JK Rowbory</a> </li>
<li><a href="http://www.heaveninmyfoot.com/" target="_blank">Heaven in My Foot </a></li>
<li><a href="http://livingwithchronicfatiguesyndrome.wordpress.com/">Living with CFS </a></li>
<li><a href="http://nopostergirl.com/" target="_blank">No Poster Girl </a></li>
<li>
<div class="blog-icon">
</div>
<div class="blog-title">
<a href="http://elizabethmilo.com/" target="_blank">
Rag and Bone Shop of the Heart</a> </div>
</li>
<li><a href="http://www.severeme.info/" target="_blank">Severe ME/CFS: A Guide to Living</a></li>
<li><a href="http://slightlyalive.blogspot.com/">Slightly Alive </a></li>
<li><a href="http://www.stonebird.co.uk/" target="_blank">Stonebird: The experience of Severe ME</a></li>
<li><a href="http://www.25megroup.org/home.html" target="_blank">The 25% Group</a></li>
<li><a href="http://thecornerroom.tumblr.com/" target="_blank">The Corner Room</a></li>
<li><a href="http://rosecrystal.blog.co.uk/" target="_blank">Through Closed Curtains </a></li>
<li><a href="http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/turning-straw-gold" target="_blank">Turning Straw Into Gold </a></li>
<li><a href="http://vimeo.com/24683179" target="_blank">Voices from the Shadows: Movie Trailer</a> </li>
</ul>
<br />
<i>*</i>More blogs have since been added to the above list after others brought them to my attention.<br />
Also, Lily Silver's excellent blog, <a href="https://howtogeton.wordpress.com/">How to Get On,</a> is an excellent resource for anyone on disability. It covers such topics as Medicaid, Medicare, affordable housing, home-care, medial equipment,
etc. You can find the blog at: <a href="https://howtogeton.wordpress.com/">https://howtogeton.wordpress.com/ </a><br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<i><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh5sg1r-6XCp9upBntKkXWBS6xoBa5wBPGQ-Rul9YubYpNvVVocJczc2_7Z5GzNuQhq5FKKC3Y-sjONqbx627GIoAKtLI4jK_4ANG6AvScGsLPWs5LBRK6P0-RtatSH2motP4LyayD9UCw/s1600/MECFSRibbon2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh5sg1r-6XCp9upBntKkXWBS6xoBa5wBPGQ-Rul9YubYpNvVVocJczc2_7Z5GzNuQhq5FKKC3Y-sjONqbx627GIoAKtLI4jK_4ANG6AvScGsLPWs5LBRK6P0-RtatSH2motP4LyayD9UCw/s1600/MECFSRibbon2.jpg" /></a></i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i><br /></i>
<i><br /></i>
<i>"Just knowing you're not alone is often enough to kindle hope amid tragic circumstances."
</i> <br />
―
Richelle E. Goodrich<br />
~~~</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
If
others have additional resources to offer on any of the above, please share them through the
comments section below. My research abilities are restricted due to my physical limitations, so I'm certain there are things I have left out. Also, the resources listed in this post are specific to the U.S. since that is where I live. No doubt resources in other countries will differ. Thanks for understanding!Laurelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01688914443102913569noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1168792825239178484.post-16835386002378192772014-01-25T05:32:00.001-08:002019-07-15T09:19:47.853-07:00Through a Window<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Last
spring and early summer, I was<a href="http://www.dreamsatstake.com/2013/05/small-victories-and-few-sweet-moments.html"> able to lie outside</a> for an hour or two
for the first time in nearly three years. It felt glorious. I hope
soon to get another taste of that little bit of freedom. However, for now,
my health does not permit it. And so, for the time being, I
remain indoors, looking out through bedroom windows. Here's just a
tiny glimpse of my small world taken over the last several months.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjraFYOw-ktdDqlkH20DTMIDvV_ggoX1bDXFO8coGL-OfrFvVEd5JilIMdsFyJxyA9NsoIgvcMlXT4nZ5B0P9Iuyimo9DQ4o-6ZFZ4YseFKdGsnrQnHeLUSw8UTvABj9j-2h_nY6_l9FpA/s1600/Deer2.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="306" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjraFYOw-ktdDqlkH20DTMIDvV_ggoX1bDXFO8coGL-OfrFvVEd5JilIMdsFyJxyA9NsoIgvcMlXT4nZ5B0P9Iuyimo9DQ4o-6ZFZ4YseFKdGsnrQnHeLUSw8UTvABj9j-2h_nY6_l9FpA/s320/Deer2.JPG" width="400" /></a></span></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Deer</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjCOESVkLAMKbHvMdoRO35xkxaerWK9QUu03M3eaFyO8VZH8kzikM1eT9iptpYBl01ii3NheVDEs2aF7o_9Gkz9QfiPz9OCDcMo2E87KoTArC_aYZ2jtuXj36JhYhqT90nVyQ41oAsEO8o/s1600/Deer.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="273" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjCOESVkLAMKbHvMdoRO35xkxaerWK9QUu03M3eaFyO8VZH8kzikM1eT9iptpYBl01ii3NheVDEs2aF7o_9Gkz9QfiPz9OCDcMo2E87KoTArC_aYZ2jtuXj36JhYhqT90nVyQ41oAsEO8o/s320/Deer.JPG" width="400" /></a></span></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Deer Eating Cactus Blooms</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi2bjiRA970uKjx-aJ1MXNQitJRwqIx982xy7ScBUtW67J__oE7j6vKi92LKEFPkBt8TfGdU5S1DbR4CxKAYcgMpDcN6e2npaEjds0M6VxvLw8LLhJCWW3YkSgSRwEyOaayngCsWGmfYOc/s1600/Bobcat.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi2bjiRA970uKjx-aJ1MXNQitJRwqIx982xy7ScBUtW67J__oE7j6vKi92LKEFPkBt8TfGdU5S1DbR4CxKAYcgMpDcN6e2npaEjds0M6VxvLw8LLhJCWW3YkSgSRwEyOaayngCsWGmfYOc/s1600/Bobcat.JPG" width="400" /></a></span></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Bobcat!</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhjqkQSS7hyphenhypheni_HecZ-4eWTlNr-13LotzMI9S4IYoG5fHAVylHu9I6a6PhcGyBSGrZa7j9-0XEdyICAyrY9AKcuv-zbkMxK1j3bxMQCIf0oZqRS9C_7HcvaeotKNHKEVxHwFth09FgBtD0E/s1600/cactus+wren.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="268" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhjqkQSS7hyphenhypheni_HecZ-4eWTlNr-13LotzMI9S4IYoG5fHAVylHu9I6a6PhcGyBSGrZa7j9-0XEdyICAyrY9AKcuv-zbkMxK1j3bxMQCIf0oZqRS9C_7HcvaeotKNHKEVxHwFth09FgBtD0E/s320/cactus+wren.JPG" width="400" /></a></span></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Cactus Wren</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"></span>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEidFUy21Nz4vD7HdnORkvUHLssp8JWHzEsMBroZcRRHBbmOsPIKb-YOAH7FA_yKcjTLW67B3WcOFRAgiwpp-qB6iWUkunSuHRHfZTH2gERj70VIrnUnD3JR80XNVJCG_3dkTHi43UBZNbY/s1600/P1130296.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEidFUy21Nz4vD7HdnORkvUHLssp8JWHzEsMBroZcRRHBbmOsPIKb-YOAH7FA_yKcjTLW67B3WcOFRAgiwpp-qB6iWUkunSuHRHfZTH2gERj70VIrnUnD3JR80XNVJCG_3dkTHi43UBZNbY/s320/P1130296.JPG" width="270" /></a></span></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"> Lesser Goldfinch</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhsquqcpNod46M7xamH4AEqGxT8PkEg6shVSba8OJMGwVNSI_sc9WEjQGnfilN9k_FfVyarDPRnCHqq8GrNWE6TA5bChJgJ0_pz97T6k4ZsTLUX2OqAG9mSJf-pi2SelVWlRAxW73uRXfI/s1600/P1130216.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="276" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhsquqcpNod46M7xamH4AEqGxT8PkEg6shVSba8OJMGwVNSI_sc9WEjQGnfilN9k_FfVyarDPRnCHqq8GrNWE6TA5bChJgJ0_pz97T6k4ZsTLUX2OqAG9mSJf-pi2SelVWlRAxW73uRXfI/s320/P1130216.JPG" width="400" /></a></span></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Another Lesser Goldfinch</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"></span>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhjePPTG4ZUu94T3m-OHKLCi8lH7K60KGsxeIOGl4-DAJr9d_Zquty3T3aOzMVeGM-IWjZkDDHDm2COVpPBt50d012e5M2beqGAyJHu1mdM3ukNVYamMAiahS4YygW7h8OCGWl2zbI8jeg/s1600/P1130477.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="290" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhjePPTG4ZUu94T3m-OHKLCi8lH7K60KGsxeIOGl4-DAJr9d_Zquty3T3aOzMVeGM-IWjZkDDHDm2COVpPBt50d012e5M2beqGAyJHu1mdM3ukNVYamMAiahS4YygW7h8OCGWl2zbI8jeg/s1600/P1130477.JPG" width="400" /></a></span></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Finch Takes a Nap at the Feeder</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjFxePumi-c2C_GQ1hF_29uaEpANy-SqIegWvZo0eqcNLWWZTGUFNa7SMx_BSusKwpUXXUaDqICSM8862U7KXXDqL7XbhIzGcZxf2lAw5pK92weDBJZCx7jrG2Cg8WAyYQQP2z-20R9pxI/s1600/P1130326.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="301" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjFxePumi-c2C_GQ1hF_29uaEpANy-SqIegWvZo0eqcNLWWZTGUFNa7SMx_BSusKwpUXXUaDqICSM8862U7KXXDqL7XbhIzGcZxf2lAw5pK92weDBJZCx7jrG2Cg8WAyYQQP2z-20R9pxI/s320/P1130326.JPG" width="400" /></a></span></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Female Finch Keeps Watch</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhczoI5Egei4gR1T3nlzt9-YAmfsdtBqYmd6l6lcQOEJ600lctRpqd4sajyLS9Q7ZFfIeY17iLw31DNgFBoXAGJVguOqoNRMrWxd38UKwQkrlXX58SaED9NS1sqW5-uMm8e3hoocWMDmLY/s1600/pyrrhuloxia.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="276" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhczoI5Egei4gR1T3nlzt9-YAmfsdtBqYmd6l6lcQOEJ600lctRpqd4sajyLS9Q7ZFfIeY17iLw31DNgFBoXAGJVguOqoNRMrWxd38UKwQkrlXX58SaED9NS1sqW5-uMm8e3hoocWMDmLY/s1600/pyrrhuloxia.JPG" width="400" /></a></span></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Pyrrhuloxia (Type of Cardinal)</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhoYY7Z6BfLpq0erDWYTAbMFunysxuNiiDjkqx57qoQNazoDvLVSv65ENZMw8iL4JWCmEnwJiOxWpF-UXt4YfeqgykhVaT9Gt6ncNlCr_5wY9rG7i5n7gluqRZewvWoU7uKcxT6wZmB2EQ/s1600/P1130279.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="292" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhoYY7Z6BfLpq0erDWYTAbMFunysxuNiiDjkqx57qoQNazoDvLVSv65ENZMw8iL4JWCmEnwJiOxWpF-UXt4YfeqgykhVaT9Gt6ncNlCr_5wY9rG7i5n7gluqRZewvWoU7uKcxT6wZmB2EQ/s320/P1130279.JPG" width="400" /></a></span></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Antelope Squirrel</span></td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjO_rW-fyYgUcnJQ9IPCe22mnLxBuqCHaPC5Q0srnJnMydupnQUXj-E40nWRag63e94ieWGDSaDr-fS5IbMTzFOWwFxaXqoEFD8wF36qpP2yF7jOiRI4s26zNSwdaew6i9ZAay-dQIRVoU/s1600/HarrisHawk+a%25281%2529.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1139" data-original-width="1600" height="283" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjO_rW-fyYgUcnJQ9IPCe22mnLxBuqCHaPC5Q0srnJnMydupnQUXj-E40nWRag63e94ieWGDSaDr-fS5IbMTzFOWwFxaXqoEFD8wF36qpP2yF7jOiRI4s26zNSwdaew6i9ZAay-dQIRVoU/s400/HarrisHawk+a%25281%2529.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Harris's Hawk</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"></span>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj1A-2JwaJPr7u-GSt8SxggzlzDj04qWsxQuJhlN-UC1F_g6g_7JFp2Ov2XUA5Y5SIWaMwR4KrE78BMOmhpRWgC3KkNKoriaTjqa45zXMo338BCjnj7tgJ418qrHrujEQqv56OQe_XYqk4/s1600/P1130518c.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="291" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj1A-2JwaJPr7u-GSt8SxggzlzDj04qWsxQuJhlN-UC1F_g6g_7JFp2Ov2XUA5Y5SIWaMwR4KrE78BMOmhpRWgC3KkNKoriaTjqa45zXMo338BCjnj7tgJ418qrHrujEQqv56OQe_XYqk4/s1600/P1130518c.JPG" width="400" /></a></span></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Sharp Shinned Hawk (standing on one foot)</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjhB0yXgc2_of3TI4_lsBEtVZDubbKJrQN0ui7w5A1UwBkVvnXeIz6UOjZ8OMCJugOFOGm3fV3TOu81n6oH4OrYZ_Yl4dgp81qO7_BVrRxG3Mbm4FnZc58QsY0EXT358M8AIcVcoaBqFqc/s1600/P1130083.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjhB0yXgc2_of3TI4_lsBEtVZDubbKJrQN0ui7w5A1UwBkVvnXeIz6UOjZ8OMCJugOFOGm3fV3TOu81n6oH4OrYZ_Yl4dgp81qO7_BVrRxG3Mbm4FnZc58QsY0EXT358M8AIcVcoaBqFqc/s320/P1130083.JPG" width="400" /></a></span></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Man on the Mountain</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">~~~</span></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Meanwhile, indoors, spring blooms in winter. It reminds me to stay hopeful.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjw4ifpjxGIB1ECZtOuh05PG4iU16UZRfS09GYNHTTEv423aReXxuqvUTCtkEGd3C0FIvQ63b3rtGSjPBkShGRk_A7YOSfdNRSvSeui0jk1LjmC412OI7cjbyQFQuSFUoo0DEQQCy__uck/s1600/hyd-before-after-1a.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjw4ifpjxGIB1ECZtOuh05PG4iU16UZRfS09GYNHTTEv423aReXxuqvUTCtkEGd3C0FIvQ63b3rtGSjPBkShGRk_A7YOSfdNRSvSeui0jk1LjmC412OI7cjbyQFQuSFUoo0DEQQCy__uck/s1600/hyd-before-after-1a.jpg" width="400" /></a></span></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Hydrangea (before and after) </span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEia5USVW2yrM-NSLcL1kSNUsVNre9MW1aoYzso9rSuK4Vmi4V3F6BwHWOZwQXaPSXvMQmj4xHmRfVTkWtT6lsoM1Ufkvx4hmNl165qzR_2tIOxJecw0FnnhrXLd0OwANtgyatBOLp-Xjck/s1600/P1130701.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEia5USVW2yrM-NSLcL1kSNUsVNre9MW1aoYzso9rSuK4Vmi4V3F6BwHWOZwQXaPSXvMQmj4xHmRfVTkWtT6lsoM1Ufkvx4hmNl165qzR_2tIOxJecw0FnnhrXLd0OwANtgyatBOLp-Xjck/s1600/P1130701.JPG" width="266" /></a></span></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Amaryllis Before</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhhczmv-_NKjNo76u21AEBf0D8yTWXz36ZwA17Qb_TizSl1ptx65JT9Kjfb2zta5tC6tPxmCVwK9pYu5uBQOJtcxiGsIpokJ1MtXKaYFAXSipQvRp9gcWkh0fDMW19-CckDDLWP28UzQ4c/s1600/P1130727s.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="298" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhhczmv-_NKjNo76u21AEBf0D8yTWXz36ZwA17Qb_TizSl1ptx65JT9Kjfb2zta5tC6tPxmCVwK9pYu5uBQOJtcxiGsIpokJ1MtXKaYFAXSipQvRp9gcWkh0fDMW19-CckDDLWP28UzQ4c/s1600/P1130727s.JPG" width="400" /></a></span></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Amaryllis After</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">"Hope
is that thing with feathers that perches in the soul and sings the tune
without the words and never stops at all." ~Emily Dickinson</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span> </span>Laurelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01688914443102913569noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1168792825239178484.post-27541380067591467982013-07-14T07:16:00.000-07:002014-05-22T09:55:16.498-07:00On Memories<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh2sQ_lT77IvBKoFr8GwMW8S3RbhF7ErcOH4Wc6xDVrb86LsVwEMpVuc6i05LGX07RBPjgFXYsBGVSkQnyDDhXlr067e-jOObQbi-Duk_r71kGv2rhbVav6u2IplW7kXzJuWhYDXtOx2xc/s1600/017.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh2sQ_lT77IvBKoFr8GwMW8S3RbhF7ErcOH4Wc6xDVrb86LsVwEMpVuc6i05LGX07RBPjgFXYsBGVSkQnyDDhXlr067e-jOObQbi-Duk_r71kGv2rhbVav6u2IplW7kXzJuWhYDXtOx2xc/s1600/017.JPG" /></a></div>
"I remember everything!"<br />
<br />
As a little girl, I was known to frequently make this rather bold (and no doubt equally annoying) proclamation. There was nothing in my life, I proudly
declared, that I didn't remember. This
drove my older brother, ever pragmatic, a little bonkers. "You can't
remember<i> everything</i>," he'd tell me. "It's impossible." <br />
<br />
My mother once tried to ease his frustrations by
reminding him of the fact that I was only five years old. Not much had
happened
to me in my life yet. I didn't have all that much to remember.<br />
<br />
Memory loss, particularly in terms of short-term memory, is one of the many symptoms those with myalgic encephalomyelitis often experience. Fortunately, it's not
one of the symptoms that has thus far plagued me. Despite suffering severely from other cognitive difficulties as a result of ME, my memory remains strong.<br />
<br />
Sometimes I can't help but wonder if part of the reason I can still recall so much from my past is the same reason suggested to me as to why I could recall so much from my childhood. That is, very little has
happened to me in the last many years. While my friends and family have
gone on with their lives, experiencing a variety of new and exciting
things, my own life has essentially remained stagnant. As a result, I am forced to spend much more time in my memories than others typically do.<br />
<br />
A few months ago, I listened to the audio version of Roger Ebert's moving memoir, <i>Life Itself</i>.
As most know, Ebert lost his ability to eat and speak after the
return of his cancer required surgery to remove his jaw. For a time, he was confined to his bed, unable to
communicate. He writes, "<span class="ecxst">In the days of my illness, unable to walk, I started
to walk around London in my mind. ...I had nothing to do but lie in bed
with my memories." </span><br />
<i><span class="ecxst"><br /></span></i><span class="ecxst">Ebert later goes on to say:</span><br />
<blockquote>
<span class="ecxst">In these years after my illness, when I can no
longer speak and am set aside from the daily flow, I live more in my
memory and discover that a great many things are safely stored away. It
all seems still to be in there somewhere. …You find a moment from your
past, undisturbed ever since, still vivid, surprising you. </span></blockquote>
I,
too, can sometimes get lost in memories. I close my eyes and I am seven
years old again, riding my bike with neighborhood friends to the local
convenient store, where we purchase a chocolate bar or ice cream treat
for 25 cents each. I can still see the colorful display of candy and
treats, momentarily overwhelming me with all the possible choices.<br />
<br />
Sometimes,
I close my eyes and find myself returning to Boston, walking through the quaint
and cobblestone streets of Beacon Hill, then down through the gardens
and past the swan boats of the Commons, and finally over to Newbury
Street, which always comes alive at nightfall. <br />
<br />
Later,
I am back in London. Then Paris. Venice. San Fransisco. New
Orleans. Disney World. The beaches of Hawaii. Or any number of the many places I was
fortunate enough to travel to when I was healthy.<br />
<br />
Often, I
relive the smaller moments of life too. I close my eyes and I remember
what it was like to wake up and freely move from my bed. To take a
shower, walk to the kitchen, cut up some fruit and make myself a
simple bowl of cereal. <br />
<br />
I close my eyes and I am anywhere in past time, living life as a healthy person again. <br />
<br />
This is not to say I live in my memories, of course. It's only to say that I am grateful for them. <br />
<br />
I
got sick when I was very young -- just a few years out of college.
But I am lucky that I had so many adventures and experiences in those
24
years that I can now reflect back upon and relive in my mind. Some
people with this illness aren't so fortunate in that regard.<br />
<br />
I think of
other sufferers like <a href="http://www.severeme.info/about-emily.html">Emily Collingridge</a>, who first fell ill with ME when she was just six years old. She spent virtually her entire life sick, and for much of that time, Emily was fully housebound and, eventually, completely confined to her bed.<br />
<br />
Just try to
imagine that for a moment, especially if you are someone who has been blessed enough to have a life free of disease. Imagine what it would
be like to get sick as a very small child, so that almost all of your
memories from your past are of being horribly ill. Emily, who <a href="http://www.meassociation.org.uk/?p=10880">died from complications related to her illness</a> when she was just 30 years old, likely had very few recollections of what it was like to be healthy. <br />
<br />
And then there are those like my fiance, who developed ME at the age of 19, and who actually does experience the symptom
of memory loss. While it's primarily the short-term that Jim struggles to recall, his long-term memory is also affected. He often expresses frustration at not being able to
remember many details of the few years he spent growing up in France.
Or of his time in high school, or college, or getting his PhD. He
remembers the core of his life, of course, but the memories are
fragmented, with large gaps in between.<br />
<br />
Memories are an integral part of how we define ourselves. They are a scattering of our most precious and important moments that, strung together, create within us a story we can then tell each other about who we are. I can't imagine what I'd do if I didn't have those memories to look back upon and remind me of who I was when I was healthy. They provide me not just with glimpses of what once was, but of what may someday be again.<br />
<br />
And so I close my eyes once more, and I choose a memory. Today, I return to the Grand Canyon and try to remember what it was like to stand at the edge of something so majestic. In doing so, my memory also becomes my wish. Someday, I hope, I will again be standing at the edge of something remarkable, and I'll no longer have such a need to look back.<br />
<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjqhOdTvz0rIqKg98QKOaIij67R4KQKI0DwJf8I3A4vgbJUmKKfMCkn3iO7kSJFxQASUjkmr_oyyXsZUnDb_7YJmuujU0cqQUvfWIVUlSBQXRgwlK1FwKpvsUq7O0kYvRT-bzy4N6PWilk/s1600/GC3.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjqhOdTvz0rIqKg98QKOaIij67R4KQKI0DwJf8I3A4vgbJUmKKfMCkn3iO7kSJFxQASUjkmr_oyyXsZUnDb_7YJmuujU0cqQUvfWIVUlSBQXRgwlK1FwKpvsUq7O0kYvRT-bzy4N6PWilk/s320/GC3.JPG" height="240" width="320" /></a></div>
<i>
</i> Laurelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01688914443102913569noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1168792825239178484.post-30638883103762715592013-05-28T09:02:00.000-07:002016-06-27T17:12:30.328-07:00Small Victories and a Few Sweet MomentsI have not posted to my blog in quite some time. Primarily, this is because I haven't felt well enough to put my thoughts together in
any kind of formal, unified manner. But it's also in part because, being
bedridden, not much happens in my life that feels all that
worthy of noting. I wake up each morning, I check my e-mail, I eat some food, I
look out the window, listen to some audiobooks or the radio when able, then -- exhausted from this minimal
activity -- I am forced to go back to sleep. Day in and out, year after year.<br />
<br />
Occasionally, though, things do break from the norm. This
past winter, for example, I woke up one morning to a rare dusting of
snow on the ground. As a native New Englander, this would
hardly seem worth mentioning. However, having lived in Arizona for
15 years now, the sight of snow accumulated on the ground (versus merely
gracing the tops of mountains) feels like some sort of magical event.
Thus far, I've only seen it happen twice.<br />
<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj9J393hpCzD1faBya_Vk8HdQmmqXhruECshTWFLMkyfwfDJO6_Kjs3LbPILLETjT1xNW-soG4cBcgRi-v3Bukk_yoKiZtpa-cnW46icl_HhHZ0sOfHr0TwGaCyhVJ27K1Yvrq3DIvAidk/s1600/IMG_6710.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj9J393hpCzD1faBya_Vk8HdQmmqXhruECshTWFLMkyfwfDJO6_Kjs3LbPILLETjT1xNW-soG4cBcgRi-v3Bukk_yoKiZtpa-cnW46icl_HhHZ0sOfHr0TwGaCyhVJ27K1Yvrq3DIvAidk/s320/IMG_6710.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
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<br />
Of course, this being a desert, the snow had completely melted within a few hours of morning sunlight.<br />
<br />
In other news, this past March, Jim and I celebrated our 10th anniversary. He sent me a
beautiful bouquet filled with 10 unique flowers to represent each year. It was incredibly sweet and thoughtful of him, as always. Our
relationship continues to be long distant as a result of our health, but
it remains as strong and rewarding as ever.<br />
<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi338raBsMZ53fS1TkfkcaomMTA7ie8fcNpJC3CguR-0_kg3SSoo4zeBrWSsWQ0yz8-9vD8v9KWiVhCTiHn9LDEmSHTQzMQ-zchUaKnPTH24BP3qhWt9muL0aD6bl3p6pZrWquSPZbCW_M/s1600/10thannivesary.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi338raBsMZ53fS1TkfkcaomMTA7ie8fcNpJC3CguR-0_kg3SSoo4zeBrWSsWQ0yz8-9vD8v9KWiVhCTiHn9LDEmSHTQzMQ-zchUaKnPTH24BP3qhWt9muL0aD6bl3p6pZrWquSPZbCW_M/s320/10thannivesary.JPG" width="224" /></a></div>
<br />
In April, my
brother and his family came out to visit. I got to see them for the first time in two years. As with their<a href="http://www.dreamsatstake.com/2011/07/small-moments-of-grace.html"> last visit</a>,
my health only permitted me to spend a few minutes with them each
morning. It was just enough time for me to enjoy seeing their smiles every day, give them a hug and tell them I
love them. As
much as I yearned to spend more time with them, I was grateful for every
moment we were able to share.<br />
<br />
I also loved to hear about some of their adventures as they visited various tourist sites in the area. Here's a photo of my adorable niece and nephew at Sabino Canyon, which was one of my favorite places to visit back in my healthier days (photo courtesy of my brother). <br />
<br />
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<br />
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<br />
When
you have severe ME (or, for that matter, even mild to moderate ME), life becomes all about the small
accomplishments and the rare but sweet moments of slight reprieve. Perhaps
that's why, when I got to move from a bed and lie outside for the first time in over two and a half
years, it felt so amazing and utterly liberating to me.<br />
<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgw1c5XPmIB1mMBvYCZ6QwrscNwU94ch3dp8UI1RJxXf29zfgsZAlefOOxKNH6gD-kEFpTzr2r-ceZjkrHp9IecakZ-cwxZFlcI4vtod_DP-0faO4woC6XVtMXUSPvFlKonNbHGdXf86VY/s1600/IMG_7127ss.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="230" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgw1c5XPmIB1mMBvYCZ6QwrscNwU94ch3dp8UI1RJxXf29zfgsZAlefOOxKNH6gD-kEFpTzr2r-ceZjkrHp9IecakZ-cwxZFlcI4vtod_DP-0faO4woC6XVtMXUSPvFlKonNbHGdXf86VY/s320/IMG_7127ss.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
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<br />
This was the first occasion in almost three years that I really felt well enough to even
consider lying out. It also helped that we seem to have found a way to
make it a bit easier for me, eliminating the need for a ramp. My parents move the lounge chair right up
to the sliding glass door, so that all I have to do once they wheel me to it is
plop down from my wheelchair. Getting back up is a bigger challenge,
but thus far, I seemed to manage it without too huge a setback.<br />
<br />
It's one
thing to see a small patch of sky from your window every day, but it's another to have it
right above you. I tried to soak it all in as best I could.<br />
<br />
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<br />
Spring is such a beautiful time of year here, with all the colorful
cactus blooms brightening up the desert. Everywhere I looked, I saw
tiny splashes of pink, yellow, red, white and orange.<br />
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<br />
I also loved seeing all the tree branches gently swaying in the wind as
all sorts of different birds sang their pretty songs. It was almost
like watching nature put on some sort of graceful ballet.<br />
<br />
My own bedroom window continues to allow me momentary glimpses of
other lovely sights as well. On one recent Sunday morning, two deer
showed up and decided to lie out under the shade of one of our mesquite trees for well over an hour. They were beautiful.<br />
<br />
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<br />
Apparently, much like cattle, deer will lie down in a secluded place to chew and digest their food. I was glad they chose a spot so close to my window where I could watch and admire them.<br />
<br />
<br />
And that about sums up some of the basic highlights of the last six months of my
life. There were plenty of negative highlights as well, of course, but I'm
choosing not to focus on those for now, as there's no sense in reliving
them in any detail. The repeated setbacks and crashes that inevitably come with this disease often
can be so brutal, persistent and difficult to put into words that, as soon as they lift even slightly, one
doesn't want to look back. <br />
<br />
Overall, my health remains the same. I am still mostly bedridden and unable to speak much more than a few words above a
whisper. I still can't stand, walk, read, take baths, watch TV or fully care for myself. However, thanks to small victories and a sprinkle of
precious moments like the ones above, I also still have hope.<br />
<br />
________________________________________________________<br />
<i>Note:</i> <i>After a long break, I am back on Twitter! However, I lost all my followers when I deleted my account. If you'd like to follow me or re-follow me, I can be found here</i>: <a href="https://twitter.com/DreamsAtStake">@DreamsAtStake </a>Laurelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01688914443102913569noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1168792825239178484.post-23662345432096791832012-11-28T05:51:00.000-08:002019-07-28T10:33:06.920-07:00Nature's Solace<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
</div>
Sometimes, on "good" days, my parents wheel me to the other end of the
hall where, for a couple hours, I am able to lie in their bed instead of my own. I often
refer to these days as my jail break. It is the only time I ever really
get to leave my room and see an alternate view. I am fortunate that this
alternate view also happens to be so gorgeous.<br />
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A
funny thing happens when you are confined indoors to one room day after
day for over a decade. The outdoors becomes almost surreal in its
beauty. The mountains are always more majestic than I remembered, the
trees a brighter green, and the sky so vast and vivid blue that it takes
my breath away. It feels a bit like being a child, discovering the
world for the first time. </div>
<br />
I try to notice something
new with each visit, such as a shrub or cactus that previously escaped
my notice, the formations and patterns of the clouds, the way the
branches of a particular tree sway in the wind, or how the sunlight
casts varying shadows on the mountains.<br />
<br />
A few months ago, I
discovered something I'm surprised I'd never seen before. I've been
looking at these mountains now for years and somehow never
realized that there's an old man up in those rocks. I'm not sure if
he's always been there, or if there's been a slight change in the shape of the rocks to make him appear more prominent. But he's there, lying down on top of the mountain,
facing the sky.<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh8y3V7hxeFpBd1Y2yfLBeSwuf4ttkN1G63e8L4qAt-3gQEjfCdt9ETTOi32p7fwodb-jPT2x_safQSMeGhOSNMnpr1xTptJut2xU1zgTh8hQPUAS9NCuxbw8MUJVQh6VRE0QiRa2Yqa8A/s1600/IMG_6200.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh8y3V7hxeFpBd1Y2yfLBeSwuf4ttkN1G63e8L4qAt-3gQEjfCdt9ETTOi32p7fwodb-jPT2x_safQSMeGhOSNMnpr1xTptJut2xU1zgTh8hQPUAS9NCuxbw8MUJVQh6VRE0QiRa2Yqa8A/s320/IMG_6200.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">(Click to enlarge, or click <a href="https://picasaweb.google.com/115048876056498989603/ManOnMountain?authkey=Gv1sRgCMaXoIPXopLiYg#5813258456161476530">here</a> for a detailed photo)</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
</div>
<br />
Now that I've found him, he's pretty much all I can see.
I like him, though. We are living parallel lives: lying motionless, enduring the storms that come and go. The only difference
is that he gets far more sunshine than I do. :) <br />
<br />
I also love to
see the birds soaring through the sky with so much ease, grace and
freedom. They fill me with both awe and envy.<br />
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<br />
<br />
Back
in my own room, a variety of birds and wildlife continue to keep me company through my window. The goldfinches
are still my favorite. They bring a brightness to the desert and
sing such beautiful songs.<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgilGFtaJDsYoXctCfD22pERzeLTzordeLcUAVmgTzyTMQ1-j-PylCkX-ELr1b_djOGYTde0VAObYs9BbKVmS5JCJuS0Kg0wSv2SgBw8WMYuqdmkphHJh31AJpPA65KrUUMb1O5Im-hrlQ/s1600/IMG_4429.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="1600" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgilGFtaJDsYoXctCfD22pERzeLTzordeLcUAVmgTzyTMQ1-j-PylCkX-ELr1b_djOGYTde0VAObYs9BbKVmS5JCJuS0Kg0wSv2SgBw8WMYuqdmkphHJh31AJpPA65KrUUMb1O5Im-hrlQ/s320/IMG_4429.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Lesser goldfinch</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<br />
Besides my window views, my only other real
means of escape is through audio-books. Due to neurological and
cognitive problems stemming from ME, I have <a href="http://www.dreamsatstake.com/2010/04/eyes-wide-shut.html">not been able to read </a>or
watch TV in 12 years. Thus, my main way to pass the time is through
listening to the radio or to audio-books from the library. Sometimes, unfortunately, I'm too sick even for that and am unable to tolerate any
sound at all. On those days, the
dreams that come with nightfall are my only relief.<br />
<br />
<br />
Recently, I listened to the audio
version of <a href="http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/48855.The_Diary_of_a_Young_Girl"><u>The Diary of A Young Girl</u></a> by Anne Frank. For those who may not already know, during World War II, when Anne was just 13 years old, she and her family <span id="freeText5000645990435804131">went
into hiding in the attic of an old office building to escape capture by
the Nazi regime. They remained there for two years before being
discovered. </span><br />
<br />
I first read Anne's diary as a teen. It
was quite interesting for me to revisit from my current perspective – as one who is also living in confinement (though clearly confined for different reasons). <br />
<br />
Anne,
too, writes of how nature took on a new beauty for her. Things she
once took for granted and barely noticed now rendered her speechless.
Because it was so dangerous for her family to be seen, shades were
always drawn and glimpses of the outside world were rare. Anne
loved to go up to the upper floor of the attic where she and her companion, Peter, could
look out the window at some distance. She writes:<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<br />
“The two of us looked
out at the blue sky, the bare chestnut tree glistening with dew, the
seagulls and other birds glinting with silver as they swooped through
the air, and we were so moved and entranced that we couldn’t
speak.” </blockquote>
<br />
<br />
Anne felt nature was the best remedy for coping with her dismay about her circumstances. Nature
made her feel like God was present and that all was as it should be. As long as the beauty of
nature existed, she stated, “I know that then there will always be
comfort for every sorrow, whatever the circumstances may be. And I
firmly believe that nature brings solace in all troubles.”<br />
<br />
I, too, often find
solace in nature. There is something comforting in its beauty and
perfection. It is a reminder that there is harmony in life; there is
possibility and hope. Someday I will no longer be limited to windows in
order to see blue skies. Someday the answers will come, the doors will
open, I will step outside and be free.Laurelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01688914443102913569noreply@blogger.com15tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1168792825239178484.post-13733474396357007452012-08-12T05:45:00.000-07:002019-08-04T07:59:41.163-07:00Holding on to Hope<span style="font-family: inherit;">A few months ago, I received a catalog in the mail from a popular
clothing company. Splashed among the first few pages, I found an array
of photos showing off their new line of pretty summer dresses. And I
suddenly realized that it's been 12 years since I wore a dress. Such a
simple thing, and yet, as silly as it may sound, the thought nearly
brought a tear to my eye. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">While I do miss wearing something so bright
and feminine, it was what the dresses represented that evoked in me such
longing: the promise of warmer weather ahead, of being
outdoors, experiencing adventure, attending social gatherings, </span><span style="font-family: inherit;">taking leisurely strolls and </span><span style="font-family: inherit;">feeling soft breezes or hot sun on your skin. I want to be out in the world, free of
all barriers, living life. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">
As I continued to flip through the catalog, I saw photos of women
modeling various styles of bathing suits as they walked along the shore
or lounged in a beach chair to soak up the sun. And I thought about how
it’s been 15 years since I’ve seen the sea. It’s been 15 years since I
smelled salty ocean air or felt hot, sunburned sand on my feet. To me,
there are few things more stunning to behold than a sea-side sunset,
nor more soothing to the mind than the sound of ocean waves as they reach for the shore. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">
But it was what I saw next that produced in me the most longing.
Further into the catalog, there was a photo of a couple holding the hand
of a child in an obvious attempt to portray a family. And it is that
-- a family of my own-- for which I've yearned most in life. It is a
desire so profound that it feels as though it is an integral part of who I am.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">
And yet, I am reminded that I just recently turned 40. I turned 40
before I ever had the chance to be 30. I was young when I got sick. I
am now middle-aged.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">
As this milestone birthday has come and gone, I realize I may soon
need to begin slowly letting go of some of my dreams. Because no matter how desperately I want it, I am now at an age where I am getting too old to still be considering a future that includes children of my own.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">The
problem is that I'm not ready to let go. Not yet. I still want that
family. I still want that leisurely stroll along the beach in
my pretty new summer dress.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"> For now, I wait. I continue my search for answers. I persevere. And I hold on to hope.</span><br />
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<i><span style="font-size: xx-small;">Photo courtesy of gettyimages.com</span></i></div>
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_____________________________________________________<span style="font-size: small;"><i> </i></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><i>If you haven't already done so, please sign<a href="http://www.change.org/petitions/department-of-health-and-human-services-formulate-a-strategic-coordinated-and-fully-funded-response-to-me-cfs-3"> this petition </a>to Secretary Sebelius relating to ME. Thank you!</i></span><br />
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Laurelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01688914443102913569noreply@blogger.com16tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1168792825239178484.post-18817799647652035092012-04-04T06:28:00.001-07:002014-08-05T07:21:48.818-07:00In the Meantime...This is just a short post to let everyone know I will be taking (or continue to take) an extended break from blogging in order to focus more fully on my health. I hope to be well enough to start writing again in the near future. In the meantime, I thought I'd share a few more photos from my little bedroom window.<br />
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Within the confines of these four walls, my life is at a standstill. Outside, life goes on -- vibrant, beautiful, active and free. It is where I so desperately long to be.<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhczosmTXGVavHzs65WTddRddsaKQNhD9HUm8kWX5nJ6YSQIjSUzFak3l6_uvhWNSF9I-TMP_zjMS99JEprINuK8Fz6I_dzlpc-rncd6LYIrwLSVNZ6WbZgccWaXlc-a9kIt0yqT1dVXIU/s1600/amaryllis.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhczosmTXGVavHzs65WTddRddsaKQNhD9HUm8kWX5nJ6YSQIjSUzFak3l6_uvhWNSF9I-TMP_zjMS99JEprINuK8Fz6I_dzlpc-rncd6LYIrwLSVNZ6WbZgccWaXlc-a9kIt0yqT1dVXIU/s320/amaryllis.JPG" height="320" width="227" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Amaryllis Blooms</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj1TeG-gQ9iPXoM529GzTW-NyHbmp0-Ba_fabkm5eV4yBEPI82tldk9NT0iGljX_9DGs94TkxiK-epByGOYSqkUqIuGQsnQDfLChB3mvpWeSxTWF1u0Mj2IBt_Dtt83dfwnkm1kQQwaCAU/s1600/amaryllis2.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj1TeG-gQ9iPXoM529GzTW-NyHbmp0-Ba_fabkm5eV4yBEPI82tldk9NT0iGljX_9DGs94TkxiK-epByGOYSqkUqIuGQsnQDfLChB3mvpWeSxTWF1u0Mj2IBt_Dtt83dfwnkm1kQQwaCAU/s320/amaryllis2.JPG" height="240" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Amaryllis</td></tr>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgiav5jCjfWX0HmTX-ZofDy4HKo_J1DVK377bC5U1ZIL5PEG8THapzR-H7Cu56JA4w9iMwFgkbde1xD_pUvXKJSjRWONaQVewUe8ZBsyJorOajLUrz12wzQWRIu3yCjCRrlbvLjs1D2854/s1600/IMG_5389.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgiav5jCjfWX0HmTX-ZofDy4HKo_J1DVK377bC5U1ZIL5PEG8THapzR-H7Cu56JA4w9iMwFgkbde1xD_pUvXKJSjRWONaQVewUe8ZBsyJorOajLUrz12wzQWRIu3yCjCRrlbvLjs1D2854/s320/IMG_5389.JPG" height="233" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Cute Bunnies</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjOz1mWeVrMlY55ZaqO3x6ukkXjcstlN6FKX76AepnYMNxYtAogdQ7EDwfWpQGRqacyjZK6m_vFhh_OSTJREL8J6XiQAGeqwUOSf8Yap_uAAs7yFo_1vclsFfWPvwvL82meen-LsyCeJNQ/s1600/IMG_5612.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjOz1mWeVrMlY55ZaqO3x6ukkXjcstlN6FKX76AepnYMNxYtAogdQ7EDwfWpQGRqacyjZK6m_vFhh_OSTJREL8J6XiQAGeqwUOSf8Yap_uAAs7yFo_1vclsFfWPvwvL82meen-LsyCeJNQ/s320/IMG_5612.JPG" height="240" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Deer at Christmas-time</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEijV6Z93wdE1ZPjc_sxrlg8QsgEsdVoa20BysQUyOMcKxavJrLp6LlclLCQlGSGGPLHdJ5pTMTRrUz68oeHBjBE5_e_HVQLFtw1Bt-IBBdk2aUrDeW4NJIsgpkXTUE8XQ0xQfGejSFtvTo/s1600/IMG_5628.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEijV6Z93wdE1ZPjc_sxrlg8QsgEsdVoa20BysQUyOMcKxavJrLp6LlclLCQlGSGGPLHdJ5pTMTRrUz68oeHBjBE5_e_HVQLFtw1Bt-IBBdk2aUrDeW4NJIsgpkXTUE8XQ0xQfGejSFtvTo/s320/IMG_5628.JPG" height="212" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">More Deer</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgFBGdTglcHj1i5wrQRkCCVFU077IvbNi0aPTBvCe8kck59Wsx2R1m6_cC5b_mZSWJyJG-pyrS1xUQHOZ27utY3q3vALoC-t2qd01_ZFRx8QJaKMbojPU98LVWUVQZFBRNpKDSuP3iJzI0/s1600/gopher.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgFBGdTglcHj1i5wrQRkCCVFU077IvbNi0aPTBvCe8kck59Wsx2R1m6_cC5b_mZSWJyJG-pyrS1xUQHOZ27utY3q3vALoC-t2qd01_ZFRx8QJaKMbojPU98LVWUVQZFBRNpKDSuP3iJzI0/s320/gopher.JPG" height="240" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Cute Round-Tailed Ground Squirrel Strikes a Pose</td></tr>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiPO5UL3Sf1omg7ieUFWnIpGeHXC3c9gFLMu8m2arWpP0t0Bm_3Iyr6xvtJmLby7FF3Oi7lTaviZik-BNlaDbTfHbp3qWz5JL0BcKSHTQP2UghIZVKC1BeSYfwc0tZa9J660CoWYddjt20/s1600/IMG_5734.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiPO5UL3Sf1omg7ieUFWnIpGeHXC3c9gFLMu8m2arWpP0t0Bm_3Iyr6xvtJmLby7FF3Oi7lTaviZik-BNlaDbTfHbp3qWz5JL0BcKSHTQP2UghIZVKC1BeSYfwc0tZa9J660CoWYddjt20/s320/IMG_5734.JPG" height="226" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Pretty Goldfinch</td></tr>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgteuLHcxwbGY4usYdLbVFX_4tZAez1kT298DOESFZJZPHFhBoCSHKlZsO6kjsJiKWXIT_S4aj-ACHyt3Z3nHh5peFwgqYaAgxf8JgzFHGQGycGCiO4bq61ng29FTsTpFqgcrEgxkFkqt4/s1600/IMG_5778.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgteuLHcxwbGY4usYdLbVFX_4tZAez1kT298DOESFZJZPHFhBoCSHKlZsO6kjsJiKWXIT_S4aj-ACHyt3Z3nHh5peFwgqYaAgxf8JgzFHGQGycGCiO4bq61ng29FTsTpFqgcrEgxkFkqt4/s320/IMG_5778.JPG" height="240" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Lots of Finches</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjAHnZXt2Ahu-upi5ZDQFZ7PFydG2bGHbXOYN0Zsh2VuywYPrzw5Wz_az6E0hsiAI57cmm40ht4haqNRywWOiVN9knFxpo6dx9Edf0463c6Un7WA8hU_X2NyR4bQ2xpZNnyrTd6xNliNrk/s1600/IMG_5861.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjAHnZXt2Ahu-upi5ZDQFZ7PFydG2bGHbXOYN0Zsh2VuywYPrzw5Wz_az6E0hsiAI57cmm40ht4haqNRywWOiVN9knFxpo6dx9Edf0463c6Un7WA8hU_X2NyR4bQ2xpZNnyrTd6xNliNrk/s320/IMG_5861.JPG" height="240" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Quail</td></tr>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiC90BtknpCPh3oX9J2Ju7fz3ibGTMZgKxTK77TBB9kY5zDC8nagU6aTXH5fUOo42yZQn2t6ZeyiQ3nbYpVY4qRNO52v-tTgETWufxOIYSH5bITHVZt-TaDpHrx-IbOW0oW5EMzc5hLBUw/s1600/IMG_5895.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiC90BtknpCPh3oX9J2Ju7fz3ibGTMZgKxTK77TBB9kY5zDC8nagU6aTXH5fUOo42yZQn2t6ZeyiQ3nbYpVY4qRNO52v-tTgETWufxOIYSH5bITHVZt-TaDpHrx-IbOW0oW5EMzc5hLBUw/s320/IMG_5895.JPG" height="208" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Phainopepla</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjpvcjjO6VpYUpHmvxEAOUjcXgQ5M1LUdUSfE9hT1ioL0NTVs631uSA_TrfoUTjNPpiYzud3B0WpXb_ffsU_tqfQqImcgDjj2CFvC83KqtzZZut_3Ok7X3Ndb8Ist0H7dGW9z_feQlPiDs/s1600/falcon.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjpvcjjO6VpYUpHmvxEAOUjcXgQ5M1LUdUSfE9hT1ioL0NTVs631uSA_TrfoUTjNPpiYzud3B0WpXb_ffsU_tqfQqImcgDjj2CFvC83KqtzZZut_3Ok7X3Ndb8Ist0H7dGW9z_feQlPiDs/s320/falcon.JPG" height="246" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Cooper's Hawk</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgB1Fw3-B_VFmHUxxXFUiyyAcHY0FGPc6j7j2hpy9Nv98lfK2ESi8TZ0uF2Yw-bycwAlIEkPpUKnIeAelV36q2lPJtCRyR1CenK0NivSkyFyN1zfuWYtcWaCzJNnV2_bADp5_koW47J2ok/s1600/rain+finches.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgB1Fw3-B_VFmHUxxXFUiyyAcHY0FGPc6j7j2hpy9Nv98lfK2ESi8TZ0uF2Yw-bycwAlIEkPpUKnIeAelV36q2lPJtCRyR1CenK0NivSkyFyN1zfuWYtcWaCzJNnV2_bADp5_koW47J2ok/s320/rain+finches.JPG" height="240" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Finches Waiting out the Rain</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgHEndiLlZa-UV_gj06d5cJmfBptHWxsVEnaW4LDthfjPJSTCqiTO8N8PsqxvXX__EOhnk-yYzOLtqVrS-eG4j_TsAfwU_nC_m5hyphenhyphenoY-hrkq1bhRwnrFfng86F7DP61smqgGHojDGHVAQI/s1600/rainbow92011a.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgHEndiLlZa-UV_gj06d5cJmfBptHWxsVEnaW4LDthfjPJSTCqiTO8N8PsqxvXX__EOhnk-yYzOLtqVrS-eG4j_TsAfwU_nC_m5hyphenhyphenoY-hrkq1bhRwnrFfng86F7DP61smqgGHojDGHVAQI/s320/rainbow92011a.JPG" height="232" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Through the Clouds... A Rainbow</td></tr>
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So shines the setting sun on adverse skies,</div>
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and paints a rainbow on the storm. ~Isaac Watts</div>
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Wishing everyone better health, fewer storms and brighter skies ahead.</div>
Laurelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01688914443102913569noreply@blogger.com13tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1168792825239178484.post-61300286611803143552012-03-22T06:20:00.016-07:002014-11-07T08:28:28.775-08:00In Memory of Emily<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiIAXxhCUY7Xw75cBrmluDdp0P6xhrwbBFB4sDb3sPcpJ2CvobnlNTtlGgAI8ZyK79RYr2rohRTYMJRMmLl-nxaa9-dbC5mqlMWaXALGuIX3Gjh38PKUqdJOPbp3KEQRgtjYy6qZD01jUA/s1600/emily.jpg"><img alt="" border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiIAXxhCUY7Xw75cBrmluDdp0P6xhrwbBFB4sDb3sPcpJ2CvobnlNTtlGgAI8ZyK79RYr2rohRTYMJRMmLl-nxaa9-dbC5mqlMWaXALGuIX3Gjh38PKUqdJOPbp3KEQRgtjYy6qZD01jUA/s320/emily.jpg" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5723492341966092002" style="cursor: hand; cursor: pointer; float: left; height: 268px; margin: 0 10px 10px 0; width: 204px;" /></a><br />
It is with much sadness that I write of the passing of Emily Collingridge -- a brave young woman with severe ME who died on Sunday from complications of the disease. She was 30 years old.<br />
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Emily, who was stricken with ME at the age of six (and had been mostly bedridden since her teens), still managed to accomplish much in her short life. She authored the book<a href="http://www.severeme.info/"> Severe ME/CFS: A Guide to Living. </a> She also worked as a volunteer advocate for the Association for Young People with ME (AYME) as well as a family support charity called Home-Start. She managed to do all of these things from her bed, but was unable to continue when she suffered a setback in 2005.<br />
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Emily graciously allowed me to include her story and photos in my<a href="http://www.dreamsatstake.com/2011/09/testimony-glimpse-into-severe-mecfs.html"> October 2011 testimony</a> to the (ME)/CFS Advisory Committee. In that testimony, I borrowed from<a href="http://www.blogistan.co.uk/blog/mt.php/2011/05/28/me-awareness-emily-collingridges-appeal"> Emily's own appeal</a> to tell her story:<br />
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<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<div class="MsoNormal">
[Emily] writes: "I cannot be washed, cannot raise my head, cannot have company, cannot be lifted from bed, cannot look out of the window, cannot be touched, cannot watch television or listen to music - the list is long. ME has made my body an agonising prison."</div>
</blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
Emily's daily life involves medicine/fluid being pumped into her stomach through a tube, various injections, diaper changes, transient paralysis and pain so severe she sometimes hallucinates. </blockquote>
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[She states]: "This wretched, ugly disease is made all the more so through the scandalous lack of research into its most severe form and the lack of necessary, appropriate support for those suffering from it. This is something that must change."</div>
</blockquote>
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Although Emily and I only corresponded a few times in the last many months, it was enough for me to have considered her a friend. In the brief time that I knew her, I found myself repeatedly touched by her kind nature and her strong desire to help others, even when she herself was so terribly ill. Most of all, I was inspired by her strength, spirit and determination -- all of which she continued to demonstrate to the very end.<br />
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Today, I feel both saddened and angered. Emily was so young when she fell ill, and so young when she died. She had such potential; such vitality and desire for life. She should not have suffered as she did. She should not have had to die. We are repeatedly told by government health agencies that there is not enough money to increase funding for research; that things take time and we need to be patient and wait. But some of us have waited an entire lifetime. And for some, like Emily, it is already too late.<br />
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I hope that Emily's death will not be in vain. I hope that, in hearing her story, people will start to understand just how devastating this illness truly is, how dreadfully sick we are, and how desperately we need help.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjAdf9brMSYWBMKoDQkAshDJ3XKqH6sSg2-YspR3CAo2juAJlaEaLNcA1Ld6JQeR4MjaiY5bWMGVA2IdkkypKmUAIYPyARCgztMe5O-WhxVSZYAMoNjvZEF5vf2fRdwEwQ73oPk0dS0_Qc/s1600/Emily.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjAdf9brMSYWBMKoDQkAshDJ3XKqH6sSg2-YspR3CAo2juAJlaEaLNcA1Ld6JQeR4MjaiY5bWMGVA2IdkkypKmUAIYPyARCgztMe5O-WhxVSZYAMoNjvZEF5vf2fRdwEwQ73oPk0dS0_Qc/s320/Emily.jpg" height="215" width="320" /></a></div>
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My heartfelt sympathies to Emily's family and friends. She will be missed by so many.<br />
<br />
For more about Emily, please check out the following links:<br />
<ul>
<li> <a href="http://www.severeme.info/">Severe ME: A Guide to Living</a></li>
<li><a href="http://www.blogistan.co.uk/blog/mt.php/2011/05/28/me-awareness-emily-collingridges-appeal">Indigo Jo: Emily's Appeal</a></li>
<li><a href="http://www.blogistan.co.uk/blog/mt.php/2012/03/20/emily-rose-collingridge-1981-2012">Indigo Jo: Emily Rose Collingridge: 1981-2012</a> </li>
<li><a href="http://www.meassociation.org.uk/?p=10880">ME Association: Emily Collingride: Such a Short Life, Such a Huge Legacy</a></li>
<li><a href="http://www.4wallsandaview.com/2012/03/the-disconnect-between-rhetoric-and-reality-myalgic-encephalomyelitis/">4Walls and A View: The Disconnect Between Rhetoric and Reality in Myalgic Encephalomyelitis </a></li>
</ul>
Laurelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01688914443102913569noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1168792825239178484.post-38106315404140359652011-11-26T06:41:00.000-08:002019-07-29T10:47:03.992-07:00These Small CandlesOne thing I think this illness has taught me over the years is the need to maintain a constant sense of perspective.<br />
<br />
I can recall healthier days many years ago when I sometimes complained about various inconveniences I now see as luxuries: long lines at the grocery store, traffic, the high cost of a movie ticket or night out with friends, the tediousness of housecleaning, an especially difficult day at work.<br />
<br />
And yet, as I reflect back on those things, I long to find myself in some of those same circumstances, which I now view as great privileges. <br />
<br />
Today, I would do anything for the blessing of being well enough to go to a grocery store and pick out my own food, and would happily stand in long lines to do so. I would be equally thrilled to pay any amount if it allowed me even one night of health to spend out (or in) with my family and friends. And I would never complain about a long or hard day at work because I'd be so overjoyed to even be ABLE to work that I would be there half an hour early every single day.<br />
<br />
When I first became ill, I thought I'd lost so much. And I had. But despite how
difficult my life had become as a result of my health, I was still able
(with extreme determination) to continue to work. I was still occasionally able to go to lunch or to a movie with a friend. Though it was difficult, I could do my own
laundry, get my own groceries, cook my own meals. I didn't realize how extremely fortunate I still was. <br />
<br />
And then, I had a life-changing setback which left me housebound. Suddenly, I found myself once again longing for my old life. Not just the life I had before I got
sick, but the life I had just prior to the setback. If only I could get back to my previous level, I thought, I'd never take anything for granted again.<br />
<br />
And
then another setback struck, this one leaving me bedridden. Then another,
leaving me unable to speak above a whisper. Then another, leaving me
unable to shower. And so on. <br />
<br />
Each time I have a setback, I find
myself yearning for what I had before it -- for what gifts I did not
fully appreciate as much as I should have, and for things I never even imagined I could lose or would have to go without.<br />
<br />
<br />
This illness can take away so much from our lives: our independence, our careers, our hobbies and our sense of identity. In extreme cases like mine, it can even take away basic, elemental abilities we don't expect to lose until we are nearing the end of our lives.<br />
<br />
<b style="font-weight: normal;">As I've mentioned previously, in order to cope with this degree of loss, I've had to learn to shift my thinking; to try to focus on what things I <i>can</i> do on any given day, and not on what I can't. This is often easier said then done.</b><br />
<br />
<b style="font-weight: normal;">Struggling with these challenges, I recently found myself searching for quotes on hope. I came across the following:</b><br />
<blockquote>
<b style="font-weight: normal;">"In moments of discouragement, defeat, or even despair, there are always certain things to cling to. Little things usually: remembered laughter, the face of a sleeping child, a tree in the wind -- in fact, any reminder of something deeply felt or dearly loved.</b></blockquote>
<blockquote>
<b style="font-weight: normal;">No man is so poor as not to have many of these small candles. When they are lighted, darkness goes away and a touch of wonder remains."</b></blockquote>
<br />
<blockquote>
-- "These Small Candles" (attributed to a tombstone inscription in Britain)</blockquote>
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It reminded me to take a moment and reflect on what small (and even large) candles still remain in my life. Here are just a few:<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiXRVy-fHMB9VLVTSV6a-g71uHcVGlBUK-Xfc1Ol75jHU6kWNA5OphmDpXIShhCln1lS-zVtyqBw9fwZNedRQP-VieLJkdn6Kdw1Et6IvX-AnsEsrTMelZfUOurmS-zrF8EDaeFs9XDWDs/s1600/FamilyFriends2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="242" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiXRVy-fHMB9VLVTSV6a-g71uHcVGlBUK-Xfc1Ol75jHU6kWNA5OphmDpXIShhCln1lS-zVtyqBw9fwZNedRQP-VieLJkdn6Kdw1Et6IvX-AnsEsrTMelZfUOurmS-zrF8EDaeFs9XDWDs/s320/FamilyFriends2.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Friends and Family</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhP4Nm4ODazvxyU-ivdEFeclRDVdRTi4gUs2OKrZWCz3ojU_622aLizTSrmLdccNCgrjrLMLjYaHpCell1B6BGd3UPwIp79gcHxFw8zeUNsSRp7Fx7SqYZ-gB7VACYInaAW0NbnoNlydH8/s1600/lovenotes.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhP4Nm4ODazvxyU-ivdEFeclRDVdRTi4gUs2OKrZWCz3ojU_622aLizTSrmLdccNCgrjrLMLjYaHpCell1B6BGd3UPwIp79gcHxFw8zeUNsSRp7Fx7SqYZ-gB7VACYInaAW0NbnoNlydH8/s1600/lovenotes.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Sweet Notes from my Fiance</td></tr>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjrBmj2KdalEW76oM2MMzuFarlC50_FQFlbnBR-UASQJnWVzYoX9MfVPuJ4wSVHn5pjCTBE3dSeOU6E_yIu8xFvd3imtbGeNEBDLdw5VSGAp9BFgvaIjT-OWOfnWRRILccdg-R1Q0dzQLg/s1600/beingloved1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="268" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjrBmj2KdalEW76oM2MMzuFarlC50_FQFlbnBR-UASQJnWVzYoX9MfVPuJ4wSVHn5pjCTBE3dSeOU6E_yIu8xFvd3imtbGeNEBDLdw5VSGAp9BFgvaIjT-OWOfnWRRILccdg-R1Q0dzQLg/s320/beingloved1.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Hearing those 3 words....</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjEMWrGkzekVjwC9aPRyRLO3SH85AbTzEh7cHjX3PMsMk6Lf6NQtKvozJf6yaOzRhDhZ7cPSolAfojbpNqgnXNJsmLXwqTOsA2pEl6Rl7q06pHONPhGT0GcVh29MtbBAMR2hSe_8-yru7w/s1600/flowers11.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="261" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjEMWrGkzekVjwC9aPRyRLO3SH85AbTzEh7cHjX3PMsMk6Lf6NQtKvozJf6yaOzRhDhZ7cPSolAfojbpNqgnXNJsmLXwqTOsA2pEl6Rl7q06pHONPhGT0GcVh29MtbBAMR2hSe_8-yru7w/s320/flowers11.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Flowers to Brighten My Day</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEibKjH_IfyrFwH2LDamNZWe69rdh7193eaotlpnII9y-kal0FxF4xbz5ZTFoC7OGHY1jEXSg6t_QCxntNYfq8F79pU4NHPR3LdUCc8dGHWjJwMZL-0pD77VtPYxNAjpXJglQEJZk-RWfU8/s1600/hottea.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="278" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEibKjH_IfyrFwH2LDamNZWe69rdh7193eaotlpnII9y-kal0FxF4xbz5ZTFoC7OGHY1jEXSg6t_QCxntNYfq8F79pU4NHPR3LdUCc8dGHWjJwMZL-0pD77VtPYxNAjpXJglQEJZk-RWfU8/s320/hottea.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Hot Cups of Tea</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjxtcoQYrIA9dz9qWY64FN-A1-sQ0xqVZPCcmpHYWltVQax_f4uX15VkARX28pFgjHpuijZ_w1yLzUCGbvNfVWOqwYbputuvayAtaaFzFoRafTQmXVs8-biJPslKZHVLzuasBliVC5aFo0/s1600/brownie.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="290" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjxtcoQYrIA9dz9qWY64FN-A1-sQ0xqVZPCcmpHYWltVQax_f4uX15VkARX28pFgjHpuijZ_w1yLzUCGbvNfVWOqwYbputuvayAtaaFzFoRafTQmXVs8-biJPslKZHVLzuasBliVC5aFo0/s320/brownie.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The Rare Chocolate Indulgence</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiPoCK3BNHOThTQCuAehLPCDzWGOk883DIQx66JycxpPjtnjYx0r8J0bFAkTtxITBRIQl_1wPGkqGjHNpCwmWdHZq0t5kAW-zPtuNXJ9GUB9AmfHjGM9Pcfvo2msZ4BHkWGo5rcrFztF5o/s1600/maccheese.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="243" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiPoCK3BNHOThTQCuAehLPCDzWGOk883DIQx66JycxpPjtnjYx0r8J0bFAkTtxITBRIQl_1wPGkqGjHNpCwmWdHZq0t5kAW-zPtuNXJ9GUB9AmfHjGM9Pcfvo2msZ4BHkWGo5rcrFztF5o/s320/maccheese.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Comfort Foods</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi0I4n4K9CZGv3coNxxjaj5IckwwMZ8E82Q4P_kHhUV0Q69RrtECwFFbTqlROo3c-8nYfBygxjb8x7EInbuO8yk1mHp8K8BToRunkInSprU8Z1yXjFV20dJvedju1YGxXypQJJfQjcgabE/s1600/fruit1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi0I4n4K9CZGv3coNxxjaj5IckwwMZ8E82Q4P_kHhUV0Q69RrtECwFFbTqlROo3c-8nYfBygxjb8x7EInbuO8yk1mHp8K8BToRunkInSprU8Z1yXjFV20dJvedju1YGxXypQJJfQjcgabE/s320/fruit1.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Sweet, Healthy Fruit</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEivOz0RZBKIao_tOEz2QQoZ9GV_5bbGEDhP-V68XdL1_bwZxasdoao59cXr2-xhGq6YiTA3s6q2AAq0TINF8q5G3JbuZB5Aq7OxgdMs5cbfYwVomTHEQ3UZZVocE_8Qe1vogz4Md2S7viI/s1600/audiobooks.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="303" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEivOz0RZBKIao_tOEz2QQoZ9GV_5bbGEDhP-V68XdL1_bwZxasdoao59cXr2-xhGq6YiTA3s6q2AAq0TINF8q5G3JbuZB5Aq7OxgdMs5cbfYwVomTHEQ3UZZVocE_8Qe1vogz4Md2S7viI/s320/audiobooks.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Audiobooks (and getting lost in a good story)</td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br /></td></tr>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh7VQpu7XW5QQJkUFM38ethKjKxpb_qHKJ-VYnde6B_n0F8R7t9KwdvZnh4c6dYV2I3NgK2tB22S3HNtujl0XTU9wttdKEg-MfZQdxa7wrfuy8p9OUzxGjTg0VXriY5bnW7DemsQ74yzlI/s1600/P1160587.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1063" data-original-width="1600" height="212" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh7VQpu7XW5QQJkUFM38ethKjKxpb_qHKJ-VYnde6B_n0F8R7t9KwdvZnh4c6dYV2I3NgK2tB22S3HNtujl0XTU9wttdKEg-MfZQdxa7wrfuy8p9OUzxGjTg0VXriY5bnW7DemsQ74yzlI/s320/P1160587.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Bird Song</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgZ4n5hXmyR-1yP0upkSKiYp83Ov5rwBw5XVw7V_e6z1W1K2Z307Zb6lqJuNV3-_Z24f_RSyJfN979qMCqFEMhCZRV8zjC7xIxfuU5kcKi0VPLliHdB03asQq_XADfAd9TTuJ8v3N8U81E/s1600/blueskies.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="251" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgZ4n5hXmyR-1yP0upkSKiYp83Ov5rwBw5XVw7V_e6z1W1K2Z307Zb6lqJuNV3-_Z24f_RSyJfN979qMCqFEMhCZRV8zjC7xIxfuU5kcKi0VPLliHdB03asQq_XADfAd9TTuJ8v3N8U81E/s320/blueskies.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Window Views, Blue Skies and Puffy Clouds</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjbkBF3yo5E3OoGaoyCXXU2OiN2MLvEKvWaYv7yG5cgIT3yJJnQJYYzfOumbvR3WJOnBvNun-WDFuXwY6VtkGMbdpj3RjROopeMxtRzrjbh63U5I-S1BTdaPoCIQfphQlvc0vdjic_un6o/s1600/windowviews.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="245" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjbkBF3yo5E3OoGaoyCXXU2OiN2MLvEKvWaYv7yG5cgIT3yJJnQJYYzfOumbvR3WJOnBvNun-WDFuXwY6VtkGMbdpj3RjROopeMxtRzrjbh63U5I-S1BTdaPoCIQfphQlvc0vdjic_un6o/s320/windowviews.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Soft Breezes</td></tr>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhZhG3kd2hyphenhyphen4scc75XwtJuOlsXbl7wtwTfz1m34166C0kaeylLyT7eKBNPu9fOM8HTNESlLp25pwPNtkkZL4oWEGYkSPgmot9oA1Of4PR2TXg0CIhXXXdIxXPW6f2H-VRAAq_npTNHC1JU/s1600/music2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="262" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhZhG3kd2hyphenhyphen4scc75XwtJuOlsXbl7wtwTfz1m34166C0kaeylLyT7eKBNPu9fOM8HTNESlLp25pwPNtkkZL4oWEGYkSPgmot9oA1Of4PR2TXg0CIhXXXdIxXPW6f2H-VRAAq_npTNHC1JU/s320/music2.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Beautiful Music That Carries Me Away</td></tr>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi1UQNLOKjwx58VugVhx6UgkFhs20qQLetcIKZC8Flxvyum9oHVFFgxuTVxsqgvEN3IQiNF8YOlxXSvNIRMhKaE2-lyaUjF-KVCzcXhVb2UjddwnTT6dlXlClcKmM6psqCRXb-pacTnhDo/s1600/spring.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="265" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi1UQNLOKjwx58VugVhx6UgkFhs20qQLetcIKZC8Flxvyum9oHVFFgxuTVxsqgvEN3IQiNF8YOlxXSvNIRMhKaE2-lyaUjF-KVCzcXhVb2UjddwnTT6dlXlClcKmM6psqCRXb-pacTnhDo/s320/spring.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Photos of my Niece and Nephew</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgoVX3vAqBk5uYf3z6WvcoAiT0GqnUfFrz7JqnJivcL8KjPl_E_Bu2Cltub1JfSTEin4WjPnNH2MfGLGa0hPr9r7o3MbQaDk4EYPAT8XbQWOHLC9uFkX0mgy_3EljI-Zs17vZo7l_32LHg/s1600/IMG_4960.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="246" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgoVX3vAqBk5uYf3z6WvcoAiT0GqnUfFrz7JqnJivcL8KjPl_E_Bu2Cltub1JfSTEin4WjPnNH2MfGLGa0hPr9r7o3MbQaDk4EYPAT8XbQWOHLC9uFkX0mgy_3EljI-Zs17vZo7l_32LHg/s320/IMG_4960.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Little Kid Drawings (made just for me)</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhzWuW3OGi7jtYQ0NDktC1HmINZf3JRLmLHwFWt2Z-o0bB-Hz_bliCC7MD00inigmkybV68Zy-7jZWptcWrKfjz6QcjVV8XO8j_FbaEQv4tY-ElA2uNB9403slx4WHwEauAN0cR9mJjOmw/s1600/me-childhood-tree.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="306" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhzWuW3OGi7jtYQ0NDktC1HmINZf3JRLmLHwFWt2Z-o0bB-Hz_bliCC7MD00inigmkybV68Zy-7jZWptcWrKfjz6QcjVV8XO8j_FbaEQv4tY-ElA2uNB9403slx4WHwEauAN0cR9mJjOmw/s320/me-childhood-tree.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Childhood Memories<br />
(that's me climbing our maple tree)</td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br /></td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br /></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiL8d8J5iZP7miVuF1Ptw7xbk_D3cX5A1Zsu6ZC1yZPBCWJOIkrxf0WHDDLNsopprlZTPQAA9L9eHL-zM169bjSnjPDBtYuonRQBQr0wwEpdoQEXH1-jAzudMIGSNpxLWWJCIYk0BQnOjw/s1600/humor-smiling.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="244" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiL8d8J5iZP7miVuF1Ptw7xbk_D3cX5A1Zsu6ZC1yZPBCWJOIkrxf0WHDDLNsopprlZTPQAA9L9eHL-zM169bjSnjPDBtYuonRQBQr0wwEpdoQEXH1-jAzudMIGSNpxLWWJCIYk0BQnOjw/s320/humor-smiling.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Humor and Things That Make Me Smile</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjhkLLroTLLCjU0ii1hAtRDSrcO_bljXMBsA-n_IEyDtm5cxWCtybRd-i40y7r7_cxZ6Nj9Z9_yBPLcADM5W1RFZtMwgfXNWKQuvxL_DDi7CEURZ-F7LxnSQOZ2EZWFxDoAEZKL14fMXvc/s1600/Venice3.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjhkLLroTLLCjU0ii1hAtRDSrcO_bljXMBsA-n_IEyDtm5cxWCtybRd-i40y7r7_cxZ6Nj9Z9_yBPLcADM5W1RFZtMwgfXNWKQuvxL_DDi7CEURZ-F7LxnSQOZ2EZWFxDoAEZKL14fMXvc/s320/Venice3.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Memories of Past Travels<br />
(This is a photo I took while in Venice, Italy)</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Hope for the Future</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Dreams --<br />
For it is in dreams that I am almost always healthy.<br />
It is there where I can still walk, talk, run, dance, travel<br />
and even fly.</td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br /></td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br /></td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br /></td></tr>
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What are some of your small candles?<br />
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<i><span style="font-size: x-small;">_____________________________________________________________</span></i></div>
<i><span style="font-size: x-small;"> </span></i><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;"><i>Photos that are not my own are</i></span><i><span style="font-size: x-small;"> courtesy of weheartit.com or gettyimages.com</span></i></div>
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<span class="st"><br /><i></i><i></i> </span>Laurelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01688914443102913569noreply@blogger.com23tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1168792825239178484.post-49401683770180268522011-10-19T06:55:00.001-07:002017-08-07T19:36:28.311-07:00Testimony: A Glimpse into Severe ME/CFS<div class="MsoNormal" face="Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">The upcoming <a href="http://www.hhs.gov/advcomcfs/">CFS Advisory Committee</a> (CFSAC) meeting will be held in Washington on November 8th and 9th. For those who may not be aware, the CFSAC exists to provide recommendations to the Secretary of Health on what directions to take in terms of research, science, care and broader health issues related to ME/CFS.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">I had hoped to make another <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LvweCk44WHs&feature=player_embedded">video testimony</a> for presentation at this meeting; however, my health simply did not allow for it at this time. My testimony was therefore submitted in writing. You can find it below.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">My goal was to show the faces and tell the stories of some of the more severely ill -- stories about this disease that are not often told. I wanted to do this not to evoke sympathy, but to create awareness and incite action.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Regretfully, I was told the testimony would not be accepted with the inclusion of photographs. I therefore had to resubmit it, excluding the pictures of the patients. However, I am posting my testimony here as it was originally submitted (including the photos) because I think it's so important for people to see our faces.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Much thanks to all those who granted me permission to share their stories and photographs. I am in awe of their strength and spirit.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">~~~</span></div>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Dear ME/CFS Advisory Committee,</span></div>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Myalgic Encephalomyelitis (ME), often inappropriately referred to as chronic fatigue syndrome (CFS) in the U.S., is a serious and debilitating neuro-immune disease. While cases vary from mild to severe, studies have shown that many patients experience a level of disability equal to that of heart failure or late-stage AIDS.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">It has been estimated that 25% of ME/CFS patients are fully disabled --often housebound or bedridden for years on end.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Yet, not many know the full spectrum of the illness because much of the suffering occurs behind closed doors. Patients are often too sick to tell their story. Some are living in darkness, some in silence and some in both. Some have not been able to leave their bed in years. Some struggle to eat, drink, speak and even breathe. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">The following are just a few of those patients' stories.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjyeKE2I15aXCa4fW-F-3reAhLcOFa6Z7SgNmCkqDWkQrgjDXAx2oPge5chWKtX6sQQD6amiRFd9eN339pUX4xObQKjsGmlfedSRFkMpKQdHNzKVN7gNOOmn2OVL1Sd8Vzleb_K1LOwgPE/s1600/Testimony-Laurel1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="175" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjyeKE2I15aXCa4fW-F-3reAhLcOFa6Z7SgNmCkqDWkQrgjDXAx2oPge5chWKtX6sQQD6amiRFd9eN339pUX4xObQKjsGmlfedSRFkMpKQdHNzKVN7gNOOmn2OVL1Sd8Vzleb_K1LOwgPE/s320/Testimony-Laurel1.jpg" width="320" /></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">My name is Laurel. I was 24 years old when I came down with ME/CFS following an infection with mononucleosis. I was active, ambitious, successful and well-educated. I loved travel, adventure and spending time with friends and family.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">I never expected, at the prime of my life, to spend over a decade bedridden -- stricken with a horrible disease that has a trivial name and no effective treatments.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">I am unable to stand, walk, speak above a whisper or fully bathe and care for myself. I have lost 15 years of my young adult life -- 15 years which can never be retrieved.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">~~~</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj6qfxXHPx4pNN4HkklP3E18c4QapqQvXuHzYQq54VGMjx07Uuzyby-nfmg7n5NluoajteLHSQKLIRiN00a6Z7vgEyTtijNdTRslarkGzv7rMyBNJkRoNiV3mfZejFkwSou1KbpTE762wU/s1600/Testimony-Jim.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="172" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj6qfxXHPx4pNN4HkklP3E18c4QapqQvXuHzYQq54VGMjx07Uuzyby-nfmg7n5NluoajteLHSQKLIRiN00a6Z7vgEyTtijNdTRslarkGzv7rMyBNJkRoNiV3mfZejFkwSou1KbpTE762wU/s400/Testimony-Jim.jpg" width="400" /></a></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">My fiance, Jim, was a former athlete in high school and college who earned a PhD from Carnegie Mellon. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Jim fell suddenly ill at age 19 after developing mononucleosis. He's been sick for almost three decades - more than half his life. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">His dreams and ambitions cut short, he's been housebound and unable to work for years. He requires a wheelchair because he can no longer walk. He longs for the day he can run again.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"></span>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">~~~</span></div>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEik_q3YnqkQX86Pu-WYL90vdUGy8s2nR1wNbxH8203GlDO5PB8LqIo4qmn7avMcTQ4SEPoBzt3xZ4yIvr0vQ1f2PPA8ZU63u7f8X1r8ZO2AgmJDTq31l6tCTjKBq5bvncbwbjtb_vkik8I/s1600/Testimony-Nina+%25282%2529.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEik_q3YnqkQX86Pu-WYL90vdUGy8s2nR1wNbxH8203GlDO5PB8LqIo4qmn7avMcTQ4SEPoBzt3xZ4yIvr0vQ1f2PPA8ZU63u7f8X1r8ZO2AgmJDTq31l6tCTjKBq5bvncbwbjtb_vkik8I/s200/Testimony-Nina+%25282%2529.jpg" width="134" /></a></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Nina was struck down with ME/CFS at age 27 following a flu-like illness.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">A young woman with many hopes and dreams, her life was suddenly turned upside down. She used to love to dance. Now she is unable to leave her bed and needs constant care.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">At one point, Nina became so sick that she was struggling to eat, drink, talk and even breathe. She has been hospitalized several times. Her biggest wish is to be strong enough to sit in a wheelchair again, if only for a couple of minutes.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">~~~</span></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><i><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi1rv2Uvypc-EpSgTA8SELmr8L8VdVxlWpZfJRlB5oG7oB9kIQ1KmIuXNm7q9gljyjtXT4_C_7abcds6zn3tVT3aiTqmSRDzYjCAutsgwi5sGHnwNzwhxk4spL0DdWV7gSHUdQ6nsXxC0s/s1600/Testimony-Alexis+before.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi1rv2Uvypc-EpSgTA8SELmr8L8VdVxlWpZfJRlB5oG7oB9kIQ1KmIuXNm7q9gljyjtXT4_C_7abcds6zn3tVT3aiTqmSRDzYjCAutsgwi5sGHnwNzwhxk4spL0DdWV7gSHUdQ6nsXxC0s/s200/Testimony-Alexis+before.jpg" width="113" /></a></i></span></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><i>Alexis before ME/CFS</i></span></td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span></td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span></td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span></td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span></td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Alexis -- an ambitious, successful and energetic young woman -- also fell suddenly ill in her late 20s. She has been sick and housebound for many years now. As a result, Alexis' hopes for her future have all been forced on hold.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Alexis recently suffered a severe setback, leaving her unable to tolerate light or sound due to the neurological problems imposed on her by severe ME/CFS. She must now live in darkness and silence 24 hours a day/7 days a week. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Her family currently communicates with her using Tactile Fingerspelling – a form of sign language for the deaf and blind. She cannot even tolerate the sound of whispers.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">~~~</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj6nCtOnK6aJMRTNGSa1MlMGSPiJT5ZsvoOLV6sGZ5HM55HkQwXD00w_7vydSe0zVZSAzkKfQf7f9MuvuOKoiv7wc0HBHx0PHyCD8XXu66W6Xn9OZf062vvW6AG121eLZEGNpzzUW4HllQ/s1600/Testimony-Ben.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="206" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj6nCtOnK6aJMRTNGSa1MlMGSPiJT5ZsvoOLV6sGZ5HM55HkQwXD00w_7vydSe0zVZSAzkKfQf7f9MuvuOKoiv7wc0HBHx0PHyCD8XXu66W6Xn9OZf062vvW6AG121eLZEGNpzzUW4HllQ/s400/Testimony-Ben.jpg" width="400" /></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Ben was a healthy, active 18 year-old when he became suddenly ill following an infection with mononucleosis, which later led to a diagnosis of ME/CFS. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Now 23, Ben is essentially completely bedridden. On a good day, he can take a few steps with a cane. At 6'2 he weighs just 118 pounds. He needs others to wash his hair and cut his food. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Ben spends every day in bed as his friends and peers move on with their lives, doing and experiencing all the things he longs to do but no longer can.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">~~~</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhYL6iOE8QWtBrheAQfMppU0JIuRgAOhf7w3JvPHKwDFiW52NcDjYb7qZx5Wq91_SghXXLwgH7ftsUimBoMSswHunC0wsSmrV-cS9k_80mtZ3URt1TQWSri2agbsC4dwR6IcqxmG6p4huc/s1600/Testimony-Marian.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="145" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhYL6iOE8QWtBrheAQfMppU0JIuRgAOhf7w3JvPHKwDFiW52NcDjYb7qZx5Wq91_SghXXLwgH7ftsUimBoMSswHunC0wsSmrV-cS9k_80mtZ3URt1TQWSri2agbsC4dwR6IcqxmG6p4huc/s400/Testimony-Marian.jpg" width="400" /></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Marian was a former registered nurse (RN, MSN). She created a company called TrakMed, which provided trackside medical care for many auto racing teams. She partnered with General Motors Racing, providing innovative care for their drivers and teams.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Marian became suddenly ill in her 40s following a flu-like illness. She has been ill with ME/CFS for 10 years and is currently housebound and mostly bedridden. She often has trouble sitting up in bed, and she requires supplemental oxygen to breathe. Her sister, who also suffered from the illness, died of heart failure as a result of ME/CFS at age 49. Marian sometimes worries that she may meet the same fate.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">~~~</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Emily became ill with ME/CFS when she was just 6 years old. She's now 30. She's been sick for 24 years -- almost her entire life. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjjNMhqCYW5kkLO_TWhRIsRlPREfd3Cs6fHiRZ0TfLguhdse9LHfyGz4pEvx0UkiyLP4iEYXBs2xZvxfOoT6jhb9sLGRi5JkSaYhiAKvxLBlpAQnozx0EnDk1ecxH4C8_2rwdwKyHhN2P4/s1600/Testimony-Emily+-+2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="149" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjjNMhqCYW5kkLO_TWhRIsRlPREfd3Cs6fHiRZ0TfLguhdse9LHfyGz4pEvx0UkiyLP4iEYXBs2xZvxfOoT6jhb9sLGRi5JkSaYhiAKvxLBlpAQnozx0EnDk1ecxH4C8_2rwdwKyHhN2P4/s400/Testimony-Emily+-+2.jpg" width="400" /></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">She writes:"I cannot be washed, cannot raise my head, cannot have company, cannot be lifted from bed, cannot look out of the window, cannot be touched, cannot watch television or listen to music - the list is long. ME has made my body an agonising prison."</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Emily's daily life involves medicine/fluid being pumped into her stomach through a tube, various injections, diaper changes, transient paralysis and pain so severe she sometimes hallucinates. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiYfzV4ECWmPTjJaZABW4d-OFxXP-p2Gf5lkgCfB_CbJlr45-J_TxkVp-HmJirMedrb9kEBT7MeFhT1rh-4lM6jGF14BeTHuZRvJ0T86yaMIHyWiL_jfn_AzyBPG-XAJMr0fr_xgMpsNWE/s1600/Testimony+-+Emily2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="235" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiYfzV4ECWmPTjJaZABW4d-OFxXP-p2Gf5lkgCfB_CbJlr45-J_TxkVp-HmJirMedrb9kEBT7MeFhT1rh-4lM6jGF14BeTHuZRvJ0T86yaMIHyWiL_jfn_AzyBPG-XAJMr0fr_xgMpsNWE/s320/Testimony+-+Emily2.jpg" width="320" /></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">"This wretched, ugly disease is made all the more so through the scandalous lack of research into its most severe form and the lack of necessary, appropriate support for those suffering from it. This is something that must change."</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">~~~</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Please listen carefully to the testimonies being presented today. Please see our faces, hear our stories and understand our desperate plight. Some of us are quite literally fighting for our lives.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">In return, we are not asking for much. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">We are simply asking for the basics of what should be expected with any illness:</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"></span>
<br />
<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"> a clear and accurate definition,</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"> an appropriate name that doesn't belittle the disease,</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">adequate funding for serious biophysical research,</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"> clinical trials of medications in search of treatments and a cure,</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"> and increased awareness/education about the true nature of this horrible disease.</span></li>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">That's all. It's what is done for every other illness of equal severity. It's even what is done for illnesses of lesser severity. Why has it not been done for ME/CFS?</span></div>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">We've been waiting 30 years for the government to take action. We cannot wait any longer.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Thank you.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><i><br /></i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><i>Note: Due to my health, it took me over three months to complete this testimony. All photos and stories are presented with permission.</i></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span>
<i><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: normal;">March 2012 Update: Tragically, <a href="http://www.severeme.info/">Emily</a>,
one of the young women mentioned in this testimony, passed away on
March 18, 2012 due to complications from severe ME following a prolonged
hospital stay. My thoughts and deepest condolences to her friends and
family. </span></span></i><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">_______________________________</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">To read this testimony translated into German (thanks to Nina!), click <a href="http://verlorene-zeit.blogspot.com/2011/10/schwere-me-ein-einblick-cfsac-testimony.html">here.</a></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">To read this testimony translated into Dutch (thanks to Zuiderzon!) click <a href="http://www.mecvs.net/module-ME_CVS_docs-viewpub-tid-1-pid-857.html">here.</a></span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><i> </i></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"></span></div>
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Laurelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01688914443102913569noreply@blogger.com30tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1168792825239178484.post-64050800836684766192011-09-08T08:43:00.000-07:002013-04-07T10:37:56.623-07:00New Reason to HopeThis past summer, a group of highly respected specialists and researchers from around the globe published a paper in the<i> Journal of Internal Medicine</i> entitled<span style="font-size: small;"> <a href="http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/21777306">Myalgic encephalomyelitis: International Consensus Criteria</a>. In the paper, the authors</span> note that the original medical term for this illness is myalgic encephalomyelitis (ME), and suggest it is time to cease use of the inappropriate term 'chronic fatigue syndrome.'<br />
<blockquote>
The label 'chronic fatigue syndrome' (CFS) has persisted for many years because of the lack of knowledge of the aetiological agents and the disease process. In view of more recent research and clinical experience that strongly point to widespread inflammation and multisystemic neuropathology, it is more appropriate and correct to use the term 'myalgic encephalomyelitis' (ME) because it indicates an underlying pathophysiology. It is also consistent with the neurological classification of ME in the World Health Organization's International Classification of Diseases (ICD G93.3). </blockquote>
<br />
The paper goes on to describe ME as "an acquired neurological disease with complex global dysfunctions, pathological dysregulation of the nervous, immune and endocrine systems, with impaired cellular energy metabolism and ion transport."<br />
<br />
The authors state that the primary goal of their report is to establish a more selective set of clinical criteria that will enable patients with ME to be diagnosed and enrolled in research studies using a case definition that is acceptable to physicians and researchers around the world.<br />
<br />
You can find a summary of the ME International Consensus Criteria <a href="http://www.hetalternatief.org/ME%20Carruthers%202011.pdf">here</a>.<br />
<br />
What does this mean? For many of us in the patient community, it means a lot. It means hope.Laurelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01688914443102913569noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1168792825239178484.post-83459492061767450702011-08-21T06:21:00.000-07:002011-08-21T06:23:04.027-07:00Recognition and Reflection<div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; text-align: left;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhdUDxpulaq-uTomUO17V_89iU4-hZ8ivpVija7x47t-QsM4VgNW-9N3XNV6p_-v5kw1zIqeQzfzCxjtlBRtkOAN3OC5yTDjDfPBXUUaOuGk3YnI9hv93wWZg9svmDkrdhaKll5Dj4ZfmQ/s1600/journal4.jpg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5471118511360693954" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhdUDxpulaq-uTomUO17V_89iU4-hZ8ivpVija7x47t-QsM4VgNW-9N3XNV6p_-v5kw1zIqeQzfzCxjtlBRtkOAN3OC5yTDjDfPBXUUaOuGk3YnI9hv93wWZg9svmDkrdhaKll5Dj4ZfmQ/s200/journal4.jpg" style="display: block; height: 151px; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; width: 200px;" border="0" /></a></div><div style="font-family:Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-style: italic;">The below journal entry was written in 2001 sometime after becoming mostly bedbound and unable to speak above a whisper. I had lost so much, and had no real means by which to communicate that loss. I was still living in my small apartment then, and at the time, could shower and heat up food on my own. However, doing so took every single tiny morsel of energy I had and rendered me otherwise bedridden. I had no real computer access, as I could not read or sit up at the computer long enough to write mail (I did not have a laptop or portable email device yet). I couldn't talk on the phone or carry a conversation. I had not yet met my fiance. While my friends and family did what they could, geography and my own limitations in communication often left them at a distance. I was essentially alone. It was then that I started to keep a journal.
<br />
<br />Journal writing had its own difficulties, however, as I could only hand write a few sentences at a time. <a href="http://dreamsatstake.blogspot.com/2010/04/eyes-wide-shut.html">Typing with one's eyes closed</a> is one thing, attempting to write by hand with your eyes even partially closed is another. In fact, writing proved so difficult that some of my old journal entries are completely illegible.</span> <span style="font-style: italic;">
<br />
<br />I thought I'd share one of my first (and more decipherable</span><span style="font-style: italic;">) entries with you today, as it expresses some of the loss, isolation and self-reflection that severe, chronic illness so often imposes on us. </span><span style="font-style: italic;">It also speaks to the undying, inner spirit within, and of the deep desire to have a witness to our experiences.</span></div><div style="font-family:Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
<br /></div><div style="font-family:Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">~~~~~~~~~~~~</div><div style="font-family:Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
<br /></div><div face="Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif">June 2001</div><div face="Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif">
<br /></div><div face="Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif">On most days, being virtually bedridden, I often lay for hours with nothing to keep my company but my own thoughts. I have an incredible need, at times, to make sure I get these thoughts on paper. Not because I feel they are noteworthy insights at all -- in fact, usually they are fairly simple observations. It is more that getting my thoughts on paper seems to legitimate my existence somehow. It makes me feel that my time here locked up in my bedroom for months on end is not entirely wasted, and that, someday when I am well, I will be able to look back and see what was going through my mind while I spent week after week in solitary confinement. Perhaps someday I will read this journal, written in the darkest time of my life, and remember never to take anything for granted again. Perhaps, too, it will serve as a reminder that, even in the worst of times, hope can still endure and there is always something for which to be grateful.</div><div face="Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif">
<br /></div><div face="Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif">I think, of course, that I also need some form of communication... some way to tell my story, to explain my experience, and to process it all so as to better understand myself and what is happening to me. Having virtually no contact with the outside world, this journal is now my only real outlet.</div><div face="Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif">
<br /></div><div face="Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif">Cut off from others, I also feel that others are cut off from me. No one knows my daily thoughts, my current hopes and dreams, my joys and sorrows of each day. No one knows the enormous amount of strength and determination it takes for me to get through each moment of this illness. Thus, in this way, I feel twice made invisible, not just by the decline of the body itself, but by the subsequent inability to express myself.</div><div face="Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif">
<br /></div><div face="Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif">In <span style="font-style: italic;">What Her Body Thought: A Journey Into the Shadows</span>, ME/CFS survivor Susan Griffin describes this need for expression well when she says:</div><blockquote style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">The hope is not just for the healing of the body, but for an emphatic understanding. To be seen. To be known. ...Shaken, left without any way to articulate the nightmare, and therefore isolated not only by bodily trauma, but by its incommunicability, I have felt an overriding desire for recognition.</blockquote><div face="Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif">In my case, I think I'm searching for recognition not just from others, but from myself as well. I think it is impossible to suffer a serious illness without seeking deeper meaning and trying to understand who you truly are, and why you are here.</div><div face="Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif">
<br /></div><div face="Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif">Despite the multitude of limitations this illness has thrust upon me, I do feel the core of me still remains. Having been stripped of almost all attachments and all the things I once thought defined me, I am often struck by that indestructible sense of "being-ness" inside me that I still recognize as myself. In fact, I see it with more clarity than I ever did before. In losing the healthy body I had always depended upon, the center within me seems to want to emerge more profoundly than ever before. I have such respect for that part of myself, and that part in all others as well, that shines from within.</div><div face="Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif">
<br /></div><div face="Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif">I am reminded of a short story I read in college called<span style="font-style: italic;"> Pale Horse, Pale Ride</span>r by Katherine Anne Porter. The story, set at the time of the 1918 flu epidemic, is a semi- autobiographical account of the author's own experience with illness and that precarious edge between life and death. As the main character, Miranda, falls deeper and deeper into sickness, Porter writes:</div><blockquote style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">....There remained of her only a minute fiercely burning particle of being that knew itself alone, that relied upon nothing beyond itself for its strength; not susceptible to any appeal or inducement, being itself composed entirely of one single motive, the stubborn will to live. This fiery motionless particle set itself unaided to resist destruction, to survive and to be in its own madness of being, motiveless and planless beyond that one essential end. "Trust me," the hard unwinking angry point of light said. "Trust me. I stay."</blockquote><div face="Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif">What that inner light, that will, or that undying and untouchable sense of "me-ness" actually is, I don't know. But I silently thank God every single day for its presence.</div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
<br /></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">I have so many more thoughts I'd like to express right now, but so little energy to say it. And yet, such is how it is. I have no choice but to do what I can with what I have. It's all anyone can do.</div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-style: italic;">______________________________________________________________________ </span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-style: italic;"><span style="font-size:x-small;">Edited August 2011</span>
<br />
<br />Recognition and Reflection</span> was originally published in <a href="http://discoveringpurpose.co.uk/the-fifth-edition-of-the-life-skills-magazine-is-out-now/">Life Skills Magazine, 5th edition</a> (June 2010)<i>. </i>It is being reposted here with permission of LSM. If you would like to receive a free copy of<i> Life Skills Magazine, y</i>ou can sign up <a href="http://discoveringpurpose.co.uk/the-fourteenth-edition-of-the-life-skills-magazine-is-out-now/" target="_blank" title="Personal Development Roadblocks">here</a>. <i><span><span> </span></span></i><span><span>Please also check</span></span> out <i><a href="http://discoveringpurpose.co.uk/">Discovering Purpose</a>,</i> a blog about creating a purpose-driven life.</div>Laurelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01688914443102913569noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1168792825239178484.post-63727557557005339542011-07-02T05:56:00.000-07:002019-07-29T08:10:32.355-07:00Small Moments of GraceNot much happens in my world. The days come and go, the sun rises and then falls again, the seasons repeatedly turn and the traffic outside my window zooms by. As I remain here, sick and essentially motionless, I watch as everyone else hurries to work, to dinner, to a friend's house, or to some event or adventure I cannot partake in.<br />
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I long to re-enter the world of the living; to wake up one morning free from all bodily constraints, able to jump away from this bed and the disease which has taken so much from me.<br />
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In the meantime, I continue to try to remind myself that my life, with all its physical pain, sickness and struggle, is not without its own quiet moments of activity, beauty and purpose.<br />
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A couple years ago, a friend of mine from back east (who also happens to be a former boss, and one of the sweetest people you could ever know) sent me an amaryllis plant for Christmas. I watched in wonderment as it slowly transformed from a tiny bulb to six individual, colorful blossoms.<br />
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This spring the plant bloomed for a second time, going from this:<br />
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It's an interesting thing, watching a flowering plant bloom. There's a serenity to it; a sense of wisdom, elegance and quiet patience. I could do well to learn to possess such virtues.<br />
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Ironically, I've never been one who was good at resting, nor at being still. Even confined to this bed, I want always to be doing, to be accomplishing something, to know I am somehow still making a difference in the world. I struggle to just <i>be</i>. I appreciate nature's silent and gentle reminders that sometimes there can be beauty in merely being present to what is; to existing, breathing and hoping.<br />
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As I struggle with my forced solitude, I am happy to have a new bunny living outside my window, keeping me company. I seem to have a new rabbit living in the front yard with the arrival of every new spring and summer season. So far this particular bunny has been rather quiet, preferring only to be seen in the early morning hours or just before sunset.<br />
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Fortunately, the bunny apparently found a safe hiding place when this coyote showed up in hopes of a tasty breakfast. <br />
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Even though he probably would have had little interest in me, I was still glad there was a wall to safely separate us. :)<br />
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One morning I had the privilege of seeing this beautiful deer strolling the yard. She took my breath away.<br />
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I've had my share of the usual window nature sightings as well: a variety of squirrels, gophers, lizards, birds, birds and more birds. Here are a few of said creatures:<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg3Xf3cRS_eAKkAdVi_VLOVjorlhB4Bw3qLGvlWzewFkOcwx4pYkPy9ZHWfNJKF9i6wDf4zr7iYULWS8Rg3716HEiBySZLlSy8QGkox2UT1cRO_Yis4fX7br42ufBsQnv_-mlP9gJvBD_8/s1600/chipmunk.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg3Xf3cRS_eAKkAdVi_VLOVjorlhB4Bw3qLGvlWzewFkOcwx4pYkPy9ZHWfNJKF9i6wDf4zr7iYULWS8Rg3716HEiBySZLlSy8QGkox2UT1cRO_Yis4fX7br42ufBsQnv_-mlP9gJvBD_8/s320/chipmunk.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I'm told this is an antelope squirrel (not a chipmunk),<br />
but I'm not convinced </td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg82LgVb7StgqdXTJD0iyAK8x-5J1zuyeKYulnqgWlJ2f9VMZV19-MsWqqgtJEKGQYWYHPU9znE8pzwradSlR4pINeqtgUvBpNwEZoGvAdG4gPK50BWkbT3QhsCorNGiuzkNTNmmM_tm-0/s1600/IMG_5312.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="231" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg82LgVb7StgqdXTJD0iyAK8x-5J1zuyeKYulnqgWlJ2f9VMZV19-MsWqqgtJEKGQYWYHPU9znE8pzwradSlR4pINeqtgUvBpNwEZoGvAdG4gPK50BWkbT3QhsCorNGiuzkNTNmmM_tm-0/s320/IMG_5312.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Gecko (not to be confused with Geico)</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiVdyySxkswhOxN2sbKhr2FbS2BfjWbeAmxf8znjZceqYwGnAQilgtg1nDnHIg4DyuELGb2ZC7dLPkm0rw8Kh_d5eRLPrFSOC3dATdcbXznVFNMx4U57A_ytawSiny8TNajgS4wlutkN7M/s1600/finch+cardinal.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="244" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiVdyySxkswhOxN2sbKhr2FbS2BfjWbeAmxf8znjZceqYwGnAQilgtg1nDnHIg4DyuELGb2ZC7dLPkm0rw8Kh_d5eRLPrFSOC3dATdcbXznVFNMx4U57A_ytawSiny8TNajgS4wlutkN7M/s320/finch+cardinal.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Finch and Cardinal Hang Out</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhul5Wb9xxNEBfCZZAjjNIjvMl2_z1tMohR2OFF8NEvDS7K0gKzLjuK1Ffj7edNkc7_DpStMnmXCUxVnt6HGDagY4Ndh3QH3iXWDEdeXi3XHj6qPZpq83939QvJJC7wBwHvJnQptmAtVGk/s1600/IMG_3790.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1204" data-original-width="1600" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhul5Wb9xxNEBfCZZAjjNIjvMl2_z1tMohR2OFF8NEvDS7K0gKzLjuK1Ffj7edNkc7_DpStMnmXCUxVnt6HGDagY4Ndh3QH3iXWDEdeXi3XHj6qPZpq83939QvJJC7wBwHvJnQptmAtVGk/s320/IMG_3790.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">A pretty goldfinch</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Cooper's Hawk</td></tr>
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I mentioned in <a href="http://dreamsatstake.blogspot.com/2010/03/room-with-view.html">a previous post</a> that, on "good days," my parents sometimes wheel me to their bedroom where I get to have a much nicer view of the mountains, sky and landscape. While those jail breaks have been less frequent than I would prefer, I am grateful for every one of them. It is on those days that I get to see views like this:<br />
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The view is even more beautiful in spring and summer when the trees are all in bloom. This photo was taken in winter, and that white stuff you see on top of the mountains (look real close) is snow!<br />
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Earlier this spring, my brother, sister-in-law, niece and nephew came to visit, and I got to see them for the first time in two years. Visits are always hard on me, and it broke my heart that I could only spend a few short minutes with them each morning. However, I was so grateful even for that time, as it was such a joy to see their smiling faces every day.<br />
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My niece and nephew had grown so much, and I absolutely adore them both. I wanted so much to play with them, to go on adventures with them, to interact and talk and catch up and just get to really know them. I wanted to tell them what a fantastic and super cool aunt I would be if my circumstances were just a little bit different. But, my circumstances ar what they are, and we all made the best of it. I hope I was somehow able to convey how much they mean to me through my silent expressions of joy upon seeing them, and my little whispers and words of affection.<br />
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Here's a small collage of photos showing some of their various adventures while they were visiting (all photos courtesy of my brother):<br />
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While I was unable to participate, I loved hearing the stories and knowing they were having a good time.<br />
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In the last few months, I also became a godmother twice-over. I am already the proud godmother to my nephew, and I am now also godmother to the youngest daughter of my best friend from college. I wasn't able to go to the ceremony, of course, but I was there in spirit, and am privileged and honored to hold the title to such a sweet little baby girl.<br />
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Jim and I are still doing very well in terms of our relationship (not so much in terms of our health). I am in continued awe and gratitude to be blessed with such an amazing man as my fiance. I only wish we were healthier, and we could see each other more often.<br />
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This past spring made 8 years since we've been writing each other every day. For our anniversary, Jim printed out all our email correspondences from the first month we began writing (back in 2003), and placed them all in a beautiful album for me. It was such a sweet and thoughtful gift, and one I will always cherish.<br />
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Speaking of my health, things have been very difficult. Sometimes I prefer not to go into the details because I simply don't want to relive the physical pain of it all over again. This illness is so brutal and so utterly pervasive; there is not a single second of any day that it doesn't dominate or alter in some way. That's why these little moments of escape are so lovely, and so necessary. And that's why I am so grateful every day for their brief but welcomed grace.</div>
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Laurelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01688914443102913569noreply@blogger.com26tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1168792825239178484.post-16503363558911203732011-05-12T07:15:00.000-07:002017-05-01T07:19:24.172-07:00The Magnitude of TimeMy window is open and I can hear the birds singing as a warm breeze brushes against my face. I watch a squirrel sprint up a freshly budded mesquite tree in search of nourishment. My amaryllis plant, sitting by my window, has burst into a bold and colorful blossom with soft swirls of white and pink, as though in some sort of unspoken celebration. Spring has arrived once more.<br />
<br />
It's been 10 years now (14 years ill) that I have watched the seasons come and go beyond my bedroom window. Ten springs have turned into summer, and ten autumns have slowly given way to winter. Ten years of passing seasons that could have been filled with work, children, travel and adventure have slipped away from me, never to be retrieved. Ten birthdays of each and every one of my friends and family members have passed by without my presence. There have been many hundreds of unexplored weekends, thousands of missed opportunities and adventures, and millions of small everyday moments, never experienced, forever lost.<br />
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As I watch the various budding leaves and cactus flowers bloom into another season, I wonder how to measure so much loss of time. A full decade has gone by as I lay on the sidelines -- forced to spend each day in this tired and lonely room, quiet and immobile. While time escapes me, the magnitude of that time does not.<br />
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What would my life had been had I not gotten sick? What would the lives of 17 million others afflicted with this disease have been?<br />
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Today is International ME/CFS Awareness Day. For the millions who are sick, for the millions who have lost years of their lives, and for the millions more who will later become afflicted, please take a moment from your day to reflect and remember. If you know someone with ME/CFS, take the time to write them a quick note and let them know you care, and you have not forgotten them. Take time to learn more about this devastating disease and help spread the word to increase awareness. Take the precious time and the blessing of good health that so many ME/CFS patients have lost, and savor it. Savor it not just for yourself, but for them. For all of those who have lost so much, and who so desperately want their lives back.<br />
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<br /><span style="font-size: x-small;"><i><span style="font-size: 85%;"> </span> </i></span>Laurelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01688914443102913569noreply@blogger.com18tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1168792825239178484.post-21306698436052625932011-02-20T07:55:00.000-08:002017-10-22T08:19:16.331-07:00The Remaining SunlightWhen I first started this blog, I wanted to find a way to tell my story and speak its harsh reality while still being sure to maintain a sense of hope and optimism. My primary focus, of course, was to raise awareness about how devastating and all-consuming ME/CFS can be, and to show that, though the name may be trivial, the disease most certainly is not.<br />
<br />
However, I also wanted to emphasize that we are in no way defined by our illness. ME/CFS may ruthlessly prevent us from fulfilling many of our dreams, but it has clearly not taken away the dreams themselves. People with ME/CFS were once healthy, often extremely active individuals. We were going about our lives like everyone else when we just happened to fall ill -- typically quite suddenly from a viral infection, and certainly through no fault of our own. We desperately want to get well in order to have the privilege of once again living our lives to the fullest.<br />
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With these ideas as part of my focus, sometimes (particularly when I'm experiencing an acute crash) I wonder if I may give the impression I handle my illness and my circumstances with greater ease than I actually do.<br />
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ME/CFS is brutal. It defies description because it is so far beyond any normal experience of exhaustion or sickness. When faced with such a severe level of illness on a regular basis -- day after day, year after year -- one has no choice but to find a means through which to cope. Over time, I've learned to do this by focusing on the positive, maintaining my sense of humor, and looking within to seek out the small moments of grace. I resolved early on in this battle that I would not let ME/CFS destroy my spirit in the same way it had destroyed my body. And on most days, I do this quite well. My spirits remain strong, determined and hopeful.<br />
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However, as anyone would, I have a harder time during a setback. As I have<a href="http://dreamsatstake.blogspot.com/2010/11/finding-grace-when-life-is-hard.html"> previously stated</a>, it can be quite a challenge to remain consistently optimistic when you feel so sick you can barely move. Not impossible, of course, but difficult.<br />
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I recently suffered another long-standing crash. This is my life in the last 14 years, and the nature of this unrelenting disease. Just when I feel like things are improving, I make one wrong move or reach too far, and I am back down again. It's like continuously taking a step forward and then falling a hundred steps back.<br />
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While my resolve holds firm, I have to be honest in saying this kind of life can test the extremes of one's endurance at times: the constant battle, the repeated setbacks despite your best intentions, the lack of answers, lack of treatment, the misunderstandings, and the countless downfalls from one wrong movement or one tiny misstep.<br />
<br />
I once equated the experience of ME/CFS to what I imagine it would feel like, at least to some degree, to be in an abusive relationship. However, I would presume that a child who gets brutally beaten every time he/she reaches for a cookie eventually learns to stop reaching for cookies, or to seek out other means so as to not get caught. But what if your abuser (ME/CFS) never, for even one second, leaves your side? And what if your cookie is washing your hair? What if you get beaten over and over again just for trying to get out of bed? For getting dressed? For speaking?<br />
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When punished so severely and repeatedly for such minor activity, I can't help but get discouraged. As my fellow ME/CFS blogging friend, <a href="http://thecornerroom.tumblr.com/">Alexis, </a>described in one of her <a href="http://thecornerroom.tumblr.com/post/2147448087/in-the-dark">recent posts</a>, I too tend to go through stages. The first is anger and denial. After fourteen years and what has to be literally hundreds of setbacks, I am still shocked when it happens. Somehow, I continuously convince myself that each crash will be the last, and that things can only get better. And then I reach too far beyond that invisible line once more, and my health plummets yet again.<br />
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At its very worst, I have been barely able to move. I have had more days and nights that I care to recall where every breath felt agonizing; where I could feel the energy it takes just to swallow. The experience can be beyond brutal. "No," I think to myself when it first hits, "this is not happening to me again. I cannot face this yet again."<br />
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After awhile, I have no choice but to move into acceptance, and attempt to find new adjustments and changes to help lessen the severity and duration of the setback as best I can. Once the agony lifts even slightly, I am so relieved to be remotely functional again, to not be in almost intolerable physical distress all hours of the day, that I am able to find some grace in that, and thus return to a place of gratitude once more.<br />
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Things are thankfully a little better than when this crash first began, though I am still in the process of trying to bounce back. In light of the fluctuations in my health, as well as some possible upcoming activity that will no doubt require all my energy, I've decided to take a step back from blogging for a little while and try my best at taking my own advice and learning to be more patient with what is.<br />
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Blogging has been an amazing experience these last (almost two!) years, and I am so grateful for the improved cognition that has allowed me to participate in a bit more online activity. I feel especially blessed by all the amazing people I have met as a result, and the wonderful friendships I have been able to form. The many letters and comments I have received over the years have touched me deeply, and they inspire me to keep writing. However, at this time, I feel I need to focus more fully on my health. I will still be around here and there, just perhaps not as frequently for awhile.<br />
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For now, I will leave you with a few photos of some of my most recent bird visitors (click on the photos to enlarge them). No matter how bad things get for me in my small world, I am always so grateful for the song that exists in theirs. They remind me to keep singing even if my song must currently be silent, and to stay focused on what sunlight still remains to me.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiq2jMLNFVxGW_0hD01ye5tmBPZ075aGiJiFYHx6FzOGVwJhVVa0UZzB-zSErm3ONqR8lN-w5W3VFhoCPw-tlEl0b1AIOuvso8kX0ik0aKzIhLlYIwK6DHS20OjnMKAyDZabf4zHVFiljI/s1600/IMG_4146.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="242" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiq2jMLNFVxGW_0hD01ye5tmBPZ075aGiJiFYHx6FzOGVwJhVVa0UZzB-zSErm3ONqR8lN-w5W3VFhoCPw-tlEl0b1AIOuvso8kX0ik0aKzIhLlYIwK6DHS20OjnMKAyDZabf4zHVFiljI/s320/IMG_4146.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Cooper's Hawk<br />
(he was much bigger than he appears!)</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjLe5SZHf-rrCViuj-bfQ7-p4MhwdJLhxLvcmMZQA8rkhYJcjDfaVa7LvgfhcgHKpp3OMbom4DUveyTj9BSbx74dpw_Q9Mm_tubEgS61BAnJpZ9UvG_vdMfULhSJHsLOCT2mC7tE_8ogU4/s1600/IMG_4148.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="226" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjLe5SZHf-rrCViuj-bfQ7-p4MhwdJLhxLvcmMZQA8rkhYJcjDfaVa7LvgfhcgHKpp3OMbom4DUveyTj9BSbx74dpw_Q9Mm_tubEgS61BAnJpZ9UvG_vdMfULhSJHsLOCT2mC7tE_8ogU4/s320/IMG_4148.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Cooper's Hawk</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjo_Qq9fmnojFaJNiqzRM3T4Ve6ksf4L6vQF-PVfHOIg-NwlmjnJtDjfv-gUlDW06T1Qo8o5KRtED4FYcG7SwhEof2yya5QL4d0E2jn05igvi93fNA1_2GxNblbHVcAc9wI51hTjmqh7qs/s1600/IMG_4227.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="220" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjo_Qq9fmnojFaJNiqzRM3T4Ve6ksf4L6vQF-PVfHOIg-NwlmjnJtDjfv-gUlDW06T1Qo8o5KRtED4FYcG7SwhEof2yya5QL4d0E2jn05igvi93fNA1_2GxNblbHVcAc9wI51hTjmqh7qs/s320/IMG_4227.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Road Runner (beep beep)</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhWcAiduNVt2ls_xIpN45cfT-WoRfJVbTLTQXK0edMpZmoCdazBrd8K4h4VdR5vnu5GdeLoAsCY6Nm2yHHFBX1PNBWsaQtMrpZVeabtx251RnRkGoFiBm_0V7UdoyctJJZDjLzxxnlWer4/s1600/IMG_3509.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="232" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhWcAiduNVt2ls_xIpN45cfT-WoRfJVbTLTQXK0edMpZmoCdazBrd8K4h4VdR5vnu5GdeLoAsCY6Nm2yHHFBX1PNBWsaQtMrpZVeabtx251RnRkGoFiBm_0V7UdoyctJJZDjLzxxnlWer4/s320/IMG_3509.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Finch Singing</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhhyphenhyphendICyulNUDQQQax2LwI6AFKYxqua9o1-rIWRw5NBGWNjnY48KzpSYcdhtyUt41rvh7xPLUFOYSeBtybAvs_rAVybkCquZmTBfKSL_iNqmOK57YYNiTlgxk5m9PBe9-YCoU1KHq5rmvg/s1600/IMG_3549.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhhyphenhyphendICyulNUDQQQax2LwI6AFKYxqua9o1-rIWRw5NBGWNjnY48KzpSYcdhtyUt41rvh7xPLUFOYSeBtybAvs_rAVybkCquZmTBfKSL_iNqmOK57YYNiTlgxk5m9PBe9-YCoU1KHq5rmvg/s320/IMG_3549.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Finches Munching</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgg70uj0aKUPvaylFCNjVf2DGhzyKMyiXmwQILznaRKoeO9wcFo-R-CXDUBvJjbDFVumgCYN5lyaTEX_pdPts35iHPqgIZmsdefinnR5pkLj0CvW0BqyC-uL4Q59ahLr3t6y9qt7mgoxqY/s1600/IMG_3532.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="225" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgg70uj0aKUPvaylFCNjVf2DGhzyKMyiXmwQILznaRKoeO9wcFo-R-CXDUBvJjbDFVumgCYN5lyaTEX_pdPts35iHPqgIZmsdefinnR5pkLj0CvW0BqyC-uL4Q59ahLr3t6y9qt7mgoxqY/s320/IMG_3532.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Another Finch Munching</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEizfPOxeTstLVNzA2vKXkika2O95UKh3kNZ5QKcyUw23y-Ep-buLG3DOa5JfIi80k6bTMFieGE0KWXZNaSDdzPXnwqDoi2xNP5RBvxIzufxTfMLzmsF6CmkEV4wbfeVmrkLvN0DYxLGCR0/s1600/mourning+dove+finches.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="239" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEizfPOxeTstLVNzA2vKXkika2O95UKh3kNZ5QKcyUw23y-Ep-buLG3DOa5JfIi80k6bTMFieGE0KWXZNaSDdzPXnwqDoi2xNP5RBvxIzufxTfMLzmsF6CmkEV4wbfeVmrkLvN0DYxLGCR0/s320/mourning+dove+finches.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Mourning Dove and Goldfinches</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEggr7qysAQMta83iK9MXKKKyQiWwC7b-0EzFrHFDETZ_f7d_1yaRUgS82g1srby3x8e7hSJ8UTYp6O7XrbQzWbtUXe9djwO0cKKbUU_tBdVGZhTeqY5qqeVVsd95UXxyCjSVGftUKUuw4M/s1600/IMG_3994+%25282%2529.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="241" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEggr7qysAQMta83iK9MXKKKyQiWwC7b-0EzFrHFDETZ_f7d_1yaRUgS82g1srby3x8e7hSJ8UTYp6O7XrbQzWbtUXe9djwO0cKKbUU_tBdVGZhTeqY5qqeVVsd95UXxyCjSVGftUKUuw4M/s320/IMG_3994+%25282%2529.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">House Finch Flying Above Goldfinches</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEifHMmirLdr5QRa5JeH7Mc9HEVLu4AUDHZBZWGuPnmkGphk0NL4jEyalZPLHAKTmhyphenhyphenDUpfRM9mss1-rBxoPfcyLl9azcmSl5lslAxE2I8oF7W4IJFxw3blQyNAoUQmgFmwr3e75C7QInVE/s1600/IMG_3931.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEifHMmirLdr5QRa5JeH7Mc9HEVLu4AUDHZBZWGuPnmkGphk0NL4jEyalZPLHAKTmhyphenhyphenDUpfRM9mss1-rBxoPfcyLl9azcmSl5lslAxE2I8oF7W4IJFxw3blQyNAoUQmgFmwr3e75C7QInVE/s320/IMG_3931.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Hummingbird</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjCdswXVTeSuL0ZBgDSB3NT7nNOa6Ss9-nvJiNJhn8XWZhi70kYccv51B3HEpFv0wFrmtpwZzWjWxA8S3SZe4WFEU-JoGALKdgj8uZCcgcqlGqlCgsqy8zMKXx-9biZxW7ZYzpyHzTZ2iU/s1600/IMG_3962.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="234" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjCdswXVTeSuL0ZBgDSB3NT7nNOa6Ss9-nvJiNJhn8XWZhi70kYccv51B3HEpFv0wFrmtpwZzWjWxA8S3SZe4WFEU-JoGALKdgj8uZCcgcqlGqlCgsqy8zMKXx-9biZxW7ZYzpyHzTZ2iU/s320/IMG_3962.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Desert Cardinal</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjy_HlmxvPL4yOVWAGeqzeial5QFY_YOHlwYok-gpeSns-uHbJB_i_DxJvJ0WEn2fOiFg7yHLqTW0bxfy683vGHCS49vrStc0YH3hwgIt989oZLWOKtqYOgoWlxGXddWlaKs1R_dqx8GiE/s1600/IMG_4247.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjy_HlmxvPL4yOVWAGeqzeial5QFY_YOHlwYok-gpeSns-uHbJB_i_DxJvJ0WEn2fOiFg7yHLqTW0bxfy683vGHCS49vrStc0YH3hwgIt989oZLWOKtqYOgoWlxGXddWlaKs1R_dqx8GiE/s320/IMG_4247.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Gilded Flicker Woodpecker</td></tr>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjS3FwJnkLmO84gB5uAZanSOvICQMj1yOF0EB_JB5a5Dt8MbZ6klQowGWk8r7fUWBlkhFjtlZ6S9likd6zr7hv5wvFXSmr-LbxVZTaGtrXbGwv-sTBml_r5UOdxrf_URjsKQP5dQq7AeV0/s1600/IMG_4248.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjS3FwJnkLmO84gB5uAZanSOvICQMj1yOF0EB_JB5a5Dt8MbZ6klQowGWk8r7fUWBlkhFjtlZ6S9likd6zr7hv5wvFXSmr-LbxVZTaGtrXbGwv-sTBml_r5UOdxrf_URjsKQP5dQq7AeV0/s320/IMG_4248.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"Hey, isn't it my turn yet?"</td></tr>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi7Ro9Tvw98tR85mhmnljc-cCKyJCGD3XxaDg7h6REEE48hoaLUf25v7uNmrm1PV_VPJ0xBWpPlSkvFM5__JRQgFNwpiBQhtosim9myVhQ5Z1ZfAzaFrYMExuTXPS2eWUhX7EpGM9LXmSU/s1600/IMG_4282.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="229" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi7Ro9Tvw98tR85mhmnljc-cCKyJCGD3XxaDg7h6REEE48hoaLUf25v7uNmrm1PV_VPJ0xBWpPlSkvFM5__JRQgFNwpiBQhtosim9myVhQ5Z1ZfAzaFrYMExuTXPS2eWUhX7EpGM9LXmSU/s320/IMG_4282.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Two Finches Kissing<br />
</td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br /></td></tr>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEildpOL_uBWVQD1tHbFdDtpcK142u_9Uh1Aza8kuVxdUdpuDKQKmqSdPmqw-khCb5fF15nQJUg3Kp0QFiLhm4ULhQcCzDdBA090iFMfygPRNTL1YmXrcX3IhgqR_Lzf4ev7gg4EqdgCTUc/s1600/IMG_3506.JPG" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEildpOL_uBWVQD1tHbFdDtpcK142u_9Uh1Aza8kuVxdUdpuDKQKmqSdPmqw-khCb5fF15nQJUg3Kp0QFiLhm4ULhQcCzDdBA090iFMfygPRNTL1YmXrcX3IhgqR_Lzf4ev7gg4EqdgCTUc/s320/IMG_3506.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><div style="text-align: center;">
Finch at sunrise</div>
</td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br />
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</tbody> </table>
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</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br />
<i>Birds sing after a storm; why shouldn't people feel as free </i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>to delight in whatever sunlight remains to them?</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>--Rose Kennedy</i><br />
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<br /></div>
</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
Here's hoping there will soon be more sunlight for us all.</div>
Laurelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01688914443102913569noreply@blogger.com30