Millions Missing

In support of the #MillionsMissing campaign, below is a photo of a pair of my shoes in our driveway, representing the fact that I am one of the millions missing from society and from every day life as a result of myalgic encephalomyelitis (ME).

It's been 16 years since I have been able to enter the outside world in any capacity beyond doctor's appointments.  I've lived in this house for well over a decade, yet have never once been able to step out through our front door or stand in our yard.  In fact, it's been almost 10 years since I've been able to stand at all, or take even a single step outside of my bed or wheelchair.

‪In recognition of the millions of patients who, like me, are suffering without reprieve and are confined to our homes and beds as a result of ME, the advocacy group #MEAction has organized a community-based protest that will take place on May 25th at the Department of Health and Human Services (HHS) in Washington, DC as well as many other cities across the globe.  On this day, ME patients, advocates, caregivers and other allies will unite to protest the lack of government funding for research, clinical trials and medical/public education.  This lack of funding for research and education has left millions of patients without treatments or relief of their symptoms for decades, and has cost the U.S. economy an estimated $18-24 billion per year.

The goal of the #MillionsMissing campaign is "to give the 1 to 2.5 million disabled American ME/CFS patients their lives back, and to prevent even more children, teens, young adults and adults from joining the ranks of the millions who are already missing --- missing from their careers, schools, social lives and families due to the debilitating symptoms of the disease."

The campaign is demanding the following:  

1. Increased Funding and Program Investments

Funding and program investments commensurate with the disease burden

2. Clinical Trials

Clinical trials to secure medical treatments for ME/CFS

3. Accurate Medical Education

Replacement of misinformation with accurate medical education and clinical guidelines

4. A Serious Commitment

HHS leadership, oversight and a serious commitment to urgently address ME/CFS

For the millions of patients who are too sick to attend the protest, there are several ways one can participate virtually: by submitting shoes to represent yourself at the protests, taking photos of your shoes by your doorstep or somewhere outdoors (to show you are missing from the outside world), participating on social media (use #MillionsMissing),  signing petitions or sending a Congressional Pack to your congressmen/women and state representatives before the protest.

Whether you are a patient, an advocate, a caregiver or a friend of someone with ME, please take a moment out of your day to participate in this important event in whatever way you can. Thank you.

 

Help Fund Research for Awareness Day

May 12th is myalgic encephalomyellitis (ME) awareness day.  ME is a very serious and complex neuro-immune disease which afflicts as many as 17 million people world-wide.  

One way to raise awareness is to help fund research that could lead to a definitive biomarker and a better understanding of the disease, as well as to potential treatments or even a cure.   If you are able, please consider donating to the Open Medicine Foundation's End ME/CFS Project, which aims to conduct the first comprehensive study on those like me who are severely afflicted with the disease and are bedridden and/or housebound.  It has been estimated that we comprise about 25% of the patient population, and yet, we have never been fully studied as a whole.  This new study is therefore very important in terms of understanding the disease and finding answers that could lead to treatment. 

The  Open Medicine Foundation (OMF) states: 

"As part of our End ME/CFS Project, this study will conduct a comprehensive, “Big Data,” analysis on severely ill ME/CFS patients with the goal of finding sensitive  and distinctive molecular biomarker(s). The molecular biomarkers that reflect the symptom mechanism are expected to be strongest in the approximately 25% of ME/CFS patients who have a severe form of the disease and are home-bound or bedbound.

...In addition to increasing the accuracy of diagnosing ME/CFS, a distinctive biomarker that correlates with symptom severity could reveal the disease structure or mechanism."  

The OMF's End ME/CFS Project donation page can be found by clicking the image below:

Another noteworthy fund raising effort has been set up by Tom Whittingham, brother of severely afflicted ME patient and advocate Naomi Whittingham.  Tom has created a beautiful and powerful video (posted below) to help raise awareness about ME, and to appeal for more research funding.  He will be running in the Edinburgh marathon to raise money for ME Research UK.    Please watch and share his video widely.   To visit Tom's JustGiving donation page, click here.



 
Even if you are unable to donate, you can still help!   Please consider signing this important petition asking that the NIH increase funding for ME and CFS research.  Despite the disease's severity and high prevalence, as well as an estimated economic burden of $20 billion per year, ME/CFS remains among the least funded of all illnesses in the U.S.   The NIH spends only 5 to 6 million dollars each year on the disease, and that amount is estimated to remain the same through 2016.  More money is actually spent studying hay fever each year. Increased funding means more research, more answers, and the possibility of finding a treatment or even a cure.   It will only take a second of your time to sign.    Thank you!

NOTE: An additional, similar petition has just been created by ME Action and can be found here.

Testimony: A Glimpse into Severe ME/CFS

The upcoming CFS Advisory Committee (CFSAC) meeting will be held in Washington on November 8th and 9th. For those who may not be aware, the CFSAC exists to provide recommendations to the Secretary of Health on what directions to take in terms of research, science, care and broader health issues related to ME/CFS.

I had hoped to make another video testimony for presentation at this meeting; however, my health simply did not allow for it at this time. My testimony was therefore submitted in writing. You can find it below.

My goal was to show the faces and tell the stories of some of the more severely ill -- stories about this disease that are not often told. I wanted to do this not to evoke sympathy, but to create awareness and incite action.

Regretfully, I was told the testimony would not be accepted with the inclusion of photographs. I therefore had to resubmit it, excluding the pictures of the patients. However, I am posting my testimony here as it was originally submitted (including the photos) because I think it's so important for people to see our faces.

Much thanks to all those who granted me permission to share their stories and photographs. I am in awe of their strength and spirit.

~~~

Dear ME/CFS Advisory Committee,

Myalgic Encephalomyelitis (ME), often inappropriately referred to as chronic fatigue syndrome (CFS) in the U.S., is a serious and debilitating neuro-immune disease. While cases vary from mild to severe, studies have shown that many patients experience a level of disability equal to that of heart failure or late-stage AIDS.

It has been estimated that 25% of ME/CFS patients are fully disabled --often housebound or bedridden for years on end.

Yet, not many know the full spectrum of the illness because much of the suffering occurs behind closed doors. Patients are often too sick to tell their story. Some are living in darkness, some in silence and some in both. Some have not been able to leave their bed in years. Some struggle to eat, drink, speak and even breathe.

The following are just a few of those patients' stories.

My name is Laurel. I was 24 years old when I came down with ME/CFS following an infection with mononucleosis. I was active, ambitious, successful and well-educated. I loved travel, adventure and spending time with friends and family.

I never expected, at the prime of my life, to spend over a decade bedridden -- stricken with a horrible disease that has a trivial name and no effective treatments.

I am unable to stand, walk, speak above a whisper or fully bathe and care for myself. I have lost 15 years of my young adult life -- 15 years which can never be retrieved.

~~~

My fiance, Jim, was a former athlete in high school and college who earned a PhD from Carnegie Mellon.

Jim fell suddenly ill at age 19 after developing mononucleosis. He's been sick for almost three decades - more than half his life.

His dreams and ambitions cut short, he's been housebound and unable to work for years. He requires a wheelchair because he can no longer walk. He longs for the day he can run again.

~~~

Nina was struck down with ME/CFS at age 27 following a flu-like illness.

A young woman with many hopes and dreams, her life was suddenly turned upside down. She used to love to dance. Now she is unable to leave her bed and needs constant care.

At one point, Nina became so sick that she was struggling to eat, drink, talk and even breathe. She has been hospitalized several times. Her biggest wish is to be strong enough to sit in a wheelchair again, if only for a couple of minutes.

~~~

Alexis before ME/CFS

Alexis -- an ambitious, successful and energetic young woman -- also fell suddenly ill in her late 20s. She has been sick and housebound for many years now. As a result, Alexis' hopes for her future have all been forced on hold.

Alexis recently suffered a severe setback, leaving her unable to tolerate light or sound due to the neurological problems imposed on her by severe ME/CFS. She must now live in darkness and silence 24 hours a day/7 days a week.

Her family currently communicates with her using Tactile Fingerspelling – a form of sign language for the deaf and blind. She cannot even tolerate the sound of whispers.

~~~

Ben was a healthy, active 18 year-old when he became suddenly ill following an infection with mononucleosis, which later led to a diagnosis of ME/CFS.

Now 23, Ben is essentially completely bedridden. On a good day, he can take a few steps with a cane. At 6'2 he weighs just 118 pounds. He needs others to wash his hair and cut his food.

Ben spends every day in bed as his friends and peers move on with their lives, doing and experiencing all the things he longs to do but no longer can.

~~~

Marian was a former registered nurse (RN, MSN). She created a company called TrakMed, which provided trackside medical care for many auto racing teams. She partnered with General Motors Racing, providing innovative care for their drivers and teams.

Marian became suddenly ill in her 40s following a flu-like illness. She has been ill with ME/CFS for 10 years and is currently housebound and mostly bedridden. She often has trouble sitting up in bed, and she requires supplemental oxygen to breathe. Her sister, who also suffered from the illness, died of heart failure as a result of ME/CFS at age 49. Marian sometimes worries that she may meet the same fate.

~~~

Emily became ill with ME/CFS when she was just 6 years old. She's now 30. She's been sick for 24 years -- almost her entire life.

She writes:"I cannot be washed, cannot raise my head, cannot have company, cannot be lifted from bed, cannot look out of the window, cannot be touched, cannot watch television or listen to music - the list is long. ME has made my body an agonising prison."

Emily's daily life involves medicine/fluid being pumped into her stomach through a tube, various injections, diaper changes, transient paralysis and pain so severe she sometimes hallucinates.

"This wretched, ugly disease is made all the more so through the scandalous lack of research into its most severe form and the lack of necessary, appropriate support for those suffering from it. This is something that must change."

~~~

Please listen carefully to the testimonies being presented today. Please see our faces, hear our stories and understand our desperate plight. Some of us are quite literally fighting for our lives.

In return, we are not asking for much.

We are simply asking for the basics of what should be expected with any illness:

• a clear and accurate definition,
• an appropriate name that doesn't belittle the disease,
• adequate funding for serious biophysical research,
• clinical trials of medications in search of treatments and a cure,
• and increased awareness/education about the true nature of this horrible disease.

That's all. It's what is done for every other illness of equal severity. It's even what is done for illnesses of lesser severity. Why has it not been done for ME/CFS?

We've been waiting 30 years for the government to take action. We cannot wait any longer.

Thank you.

Note: Due to my health, it took me over three months to complete this testimony. All photos and stories are presented with permission.


March 2012 Update: Tragically, Emily, one of the young women mentioned in this testimony, passed away on March 18, 2012 due to complications from severe ME following a prolonged hospital stay. My thoughts and deepest condolences to her friends and family.
_______________________________

To read this testimony translated into German (thanks to Nina!), click here.
To read this testimony translated into Dutch (thanks to Zuiderzon!) click here.

Recognition and Reflection

The below journal entry was written in 2001 sometime after becoming mostly bedbound and unable to speak above a whisper. I had lost so much, and had no real means by which to communicate that loss. I was still living in my small apartment then, and at the time, could shower and heat up food on my own. However, doing so took every single tiny morsel of energy I had and rendered me otherwise bedridden. I had no real computer access, as I could not read or sit up at the computer long enough to write mail (I did not have a laptop or portable email device yet). I couldn't talk on the phone or carry a conversation. I had not yet met my fiance. While my friends and family did what they could, geography and my own limitations in communication often left them at a distance. I was essentially alone. It was then that I started to keep a journal.

Journal writing had its own difficulties, however, as I could only hand write a few sentences at a time. Typing with one's eyes closed is one thing, attempting to write by hand with your eyes even partially closed is another. In fact, writing proved so difficult that some of my old journal entries are completely illegible.

I thought I'd share one of my first (and more decipherable) entries with you today, as it expresses some of the loss, isolation and self-reflection that severe, chronic illness so often imposes on us. It also speaks to the undying, inner spirit within, and of the deep desire to have a witness to our experiences.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

June 2001

On most days, being virtually bedridden, I often lay for hours with nothing to keep my company but my own thoughts. I have an incredible need, at times, to make sure I get these thoughts on paper. Not because I feel they are noteworthy insights at all -- in fact, usually they are fairly simple observations. It is more that getting my thoughts on paper seems to legitimate my existence somehow. It makes me feel that my time here locked up in my bedroom for months on end is not entirely wasted, and that, someday when I am well, I will be able to look back and see what was going through my mind while I spent week after week in solitary confinement. Perhaps someday I will read this journal, written in the darkest time of my life, and remember never to take anything for granted again. Perhaps, too, it will serve as a reminder that, even in the worst of times, hope can still endure and there is always something for which to be grateful.

I think, of course, that I also need some form of communication... some way to tell my story, to explain my experience, and to process it all so as to better understand myself and what is happening to me. Having virtually no contact with the outside world, this journal is now my only real outlet.

Cut off from others, I also feel that others are cut off from me. No one knows my daily thoughts, my current hopes and dreams, my joys and sorrows of each day. No one knows the enormous amount of strength and determination it takes for me to get through each moment of this illness. Thus, in this way, I feel twice made invisible, not just by the decline of the body itself, but by the subsequent inability to express myself.

In What Her Body Thought: A Journey Into the Shadows, ME/CFS survivor Susan Griffin describes this need for expression well when she says:

The hope is not just for the healing of the body, but for an emphatic understanding. To be seen. To be known. ...Shaken, left without any way to articulate the nightmare, and therefore isolated not only by bodily trauma, but by its incommunicability, I have felt an overriding desire for recognition.

In my case, I think I'm searching for recognition not just from others, but from myself as well. I think it is impossible to suffer a serious illness without seeking deeper meaning and trying to understand who you truly are, and why you are here.

Despite the multitude of limitations this illness has thrust upon me, I do feel the core of me still remains. Having been stripped of almost all attachments and all the things I once thought defined me, I am often struck by that indestructible sense of "being-ness" inside me that I still recognize as myself. In fact, I see it with more clarity than I ever did before. In losing the healthy body I had always depended upon, the center within me seems to want to emerge more profoundly than ever before. I have such respect for that part of myself, and that part in all others as well, that shines from within.

I am reminded of a short story I read in college called Pale Horse, Pale Rider by Katherine Anne Porter. The story, set at the time of the 1918 flu epidemic, is a semi- autobiographical account of the author's own experience with illness and that precarious edge between life and death. As the main character, Miranda, falls deeper and deeper into sickness, Porter writes:

....There remained of her only a minute fiercely burning particle of being that knew itself alone, that relied upon nothing beyond itself for its strength; not susceptible to any appeal or inducement, being itself composed entirely of one single motive, the stubborn will to live. This fiery motionless particle set itself unaided to resist destruction, to survive and to be in its own madness of being, motiveless and planless beyond that one essential end. "Trust me," the hard unwinking angry point of light said. "Trust me. I stay."

What that inner light, that will, or that undying and untouchable sense of "me-ness" actually is, I don't know. But I silently thank God every single day for its presence.

I have so many more thoughts I'd like to express right now, but so little energy to say it. And yet, such is how it is. I have no choice but to do what I can with what I have. It's all anyone can do.

______________________________________________________________________

Edited August 2011

Recognition and Reflection was originally published in Life Skills Magazine, 5th edition (June 2010). It is being reposted here with permission of LSM. If you would like to receive a free copy of Life Skills Magazine, you can sign up here. Please also check out Discovering Purpose, a blog about creating a purpose-driven life.

Determined Spirits

In this month's Life Skills Magazine, there is a special "bumper" edition which is devoted and dedicated to all those determined spirits who suffer from ME/CFS/CFIDS.



I feel incredibly honored to have been invited to participate in this wonderful opportunity to help raise awareness. My submission is called Recognition and Reflection. It is a 2001 journal entry written shortly after I first became home/bedbound and unable to speak more than a few words above a whisper. I had hoped to write something brand new for the purpose of the magazine, but regretfully I was too sick at the time, so I had to go with something already written.

In the magazine, you will also find some fabulous contributions from:

Dominique of 4 Walls and a View
Sue of Learning To Live With CFS
Jolene of Graceful Agony
Renee of My Autumn Years and Renee's Reflections
Shelli of A * Musings and Living the CFS Life

This is my first magazine publication, so I'm pretty excited about it, and feel privileged to be included with such wonderful writers and some fellow blogging friends I've long admired.

If you'd like to see the magazine and any of the above articles, you can go to Life Skills Magazine and subscribe. It's free!

Well done to all involved! And much gratitude and thanks to Dominique who invited me to participate, and Ayo (the magazine's founder and editor) who accepted my contribution. It's been such an honor!

 Edit: Links have been removed as the magazine has been discontinued.