Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Waiting from Within

I wrote this poem several years ago, not long after first becoming bedridden with ME/CFS.

WAITING FROM WITHIN

I lie each day
beneath the thick covers of my bed,
my body slowly descending downward
far beyond the realms of exhaustion
and sickness,
as though I am perpetually dying.

And yet,
the very center of my being,
the essence of who I am,
remains deeply alive;
familiar, constant and unyielding.
It exists of a strength and vitality
entirely its own
as it waits silently from within
for its wondrous moment
of release.

For now,
I can only watch as the days pass
outside my bedroom window.
In the distance,
I can hear
a baby crying
and a woman laughing
as birds sing out their songs.
I imagine that their expressions are my own.
They each speak for me
with a voice and a freedom
I do not yet possess.

--LB © 2002

The opening of this poem was inspired by (and slightly borrowed from) the following quote:

“Each day as I would slide into the downward spiral of my symptoms, I would feel as though I were suspended at the edge of death. As if I were perpetually dying.”

Susan Griffin, describing CFS in What Her Body Thought: A Journey into the Shadows

12 comments:

  1. Thank you for sharing your poem. It moved me.

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  2. Thanks, Alyson. I felt a bit shy about posting it (I don't usually write poetry), but it also sort of felt nice to get it out there after all these years. :) I'm glad you liked it.

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  3. Hello Laurel. Fellow sufferer of M.E. from Louisiana. Am mostly homebound. Seventh year "anniversary" in August. I've enjoyed reading the entries you have here, including the poem. =)

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  4. Thanks, nocturnespider! It's always so nice to get feedback. Sorry to hear you have ME as well, but hopefully the answers are around the corner for us. Hang in there. I enjoyed your blog as well. :)

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  5. great poem. i'm mostly houseboud for the past 2 l/2 years. it's so great to find other cfs sufferers online who understand what we're going through. thanks for sharing:)

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  6. Thanks, beacheejanne. Sorry to hear you are homebound as well. I think there are a lot more of us out there than people realize! Hang in there. Thanks for visiting my blog and for the kind comment. :)

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  7. In some odd way it seems good that we're housebound because otherwise we'd have formed a very unruly union. *haha*

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  8. What a wonderful poem-thank you for sharing it. I also appreciate the reminder about Susan Griffin's book. I had just heard about it a couple weeks ago but because I didn't write it down I'd forgotten about it. Did you enjoy the book?

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  9. Thanks cfswarrior -- I appreciate the compliment! Yes, I did really enjoy Griffin's book. I read it when it first came out and it really resonated with me. It is very well written. I especially liked that she was doing better in the end. :-) I've enjoyed reading your blog posts when I can too, and am so glad to hear you seem to be improving! I hope that continues for you.

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  10. Laurel,

    What a beautiful and genuine piece.

    You captured what this existence can be like, so well.

    It would be great in your blog on the forums. :-)

    With love,

    Jody

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  11. Thanks, Jody. You are so wonderfully supportive... and I so appreciate that. :) I may post to the forums at some point. I'm a bit shy with the poetry thing as it's not something I usually write. But I went through a bit of a poetry "spurt" of sorts back in 02... and this was one from the bunch. Thanks for your sweet comments!

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  12. wonderful Poem! It really spoke to me and I realised that I feel the same as you! Ive had M.E for about 10 years! I also have physical disabilities as I was born with amniotic band syndrome which left me with deformed hands and feet. I suffer from chronic pain in my feet and use a wheelchair to ease it! but M.E is by far the worst affliction I have. I spend any energy I have making sock creatures which I sell online. I cant make too many and its a new venture but I find just being able to do something productive makes me feel better. They have a blog! which really needs updating and I also have a group on facebook. check them out if you have time

    www.sockimals.blogspot.com
    www.facebook.com/sockimals

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