Sunday, September 5, 2010

Wonders of Life

An April 2003 Journal Entry

I had one of those rare but stunning moments the other day where I just felt flooded by the utter profundity of this world – at the miracle of actually being alive and part of this infinite web we have yet to fully understand.

Every day I lie in my bed in virtual stillness, yet I am also simultaneously spinning at dizzying speeds with billions of others on a beautiful, blue-green orb within an endless, incomprehensibly massive universe. And, even more miraculous, I am blessed with the human ability to be fully aware of that fact, and to ponder and be in awe at the meaning of it all.

Sometimes, I look out my window at the beauty of the mountains and trees and all the cacti. Or at the birds fighting for food on the feeder we have provided them. Or the bunny rabbits who visit me from time to time, scurrying about or just sitting there in some kind of quiet reflection I don't fully understand. And I think about how all these things are all distinct forms of being-ness. All these things are alive in various forms of consciousness that each differ from mine. And yet, in so many ways, we are the same. We are all alive and experiencing the world through our endlessly unique roles and abilities, and we all have the same basic, inherent needs and desires -- to be nourished, to thrive, and to simply be as we were created to be.

Other times I just lay with my eyes closed in meditation and try to feel this life inside me, as well as this sickness that has taken so much from me. I let myself go to the middle of it and feel the agony of it to the core. And I wonder at the fact that my internal body actually knows what’s wrong with me, yet “I,” my mind, does not. My body somehow knows what has gone astray, and it is desperately trying to fix it for me or to compensate for it in some way. It is failing, of course, but it is indeed trying. How does it know where to begin, or what to even attempt to do? How does it know and function beyond what I myself can comprehend? Every cell of my body seems to carry its own intelligence, independent of what I define as “me.” How extraordinary is that?

In my questioning, I start to marvel at how incredible the human body is. Do healthy people really consider the miracle of their wellness, when so many things could go wrong and yet rarely ever do? Do they understand it, glorify in it, breathe it in every second of every day? Do they dance with joy at their good fortune? Do they know the tremendous gift that they have been blessed with, and do they appreciate it? I mean, REALLY appreciate it, with all their being?

Sometimes I am just overwhelmed with how amazing life is. How every inch of this universe and every breath we all take is filled with endless miracles and wonder. If only we took note of it all more often. If only I had soaked more of it up when I still had the freedom to dance.

15 comments:

  1. Amen, Laurel....I dont' think I ever took time to marvel at the beauty around and within...and our bodies do try so hard to fix what is wrong with us....caring for us as best they know how....with the mixed messages recieved. I really needed to hear this today about the body. A beautiful post ~ I am sharing it with Joel too...it speaks gently and yet so clear and strong to all of us.
    Bless you Laurel today and forever.

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  2. I don't know how you do it Laurel? You have such a positive outlook on life overall despite dealing daily with this illness.

    You seem to find those little (and big) things that we should all take time to appreciate but don't. I think I understand your feelings about the human body. Just how amazingly complex it is. It really is mind boggling isn't it? Also the universe and life - I agree. I remember being out on trail in the wilderness and just looking at the lake, or the sun setting, or the northern lights, or the night sky filled with a massive amount of stars, or listening to the wolves or loons and being completely overwhelmed with the magnificence, wonder, and mystery of it all.

    I find being ill all the time now often makes me cynical, bitter, and jaded. That's the danger isn't it? Thanks for reminding me to take a look at the bigger picture.

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  3. Thank you for the kind words, Renee & Upnorth. I am not always so positive, believe me. :) This is a journal entry from 7 years ago. I think I posted it in part because I needed the reminder. :)

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  4. Laurel a beautiful post.

    Have courage your day will come I am sure with all the news and hope of late.

    You do so much to help and encourage others. Thank you.

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  5. Laurel, I am a true believer that a positive mind can make all the difference and so I am always pleased to read your posts, you are an inspiration! Thanks :)

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  6. This is beautiful. I need reminders too. Today, there was a big need.

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  7. I have gifted you with One Lovely Blog Award. Please check it out at www.painfullyspeaking.com if you're up to it! =)

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  8. Laurel, you know I love your writing.. but this post has to be one of my all time favourites. It's so, so beautiful.

    I often post positive thoughts to my blog when I feel bad to cheer myself and others up. It's easier to talk about the tough issues at a moment when you feel a little stronger.

    How strange that so often some of us share the same thoughts at the same time, that happened to me twice this week! What you wrote about the body being a miracle just occured to me again when I read "how to be sick".

    You express that feeling to well.

    The saddest and most beautiful memories since the time I fell ill were when I listened to a blackbird singing. Once in hospital, when they suspected I had a fatal muscle disease, and once on my balcony at home a few months ago. I just felt the true beauty of life, and that had absolutely nothing to do with my illness. It's just so much bigger.

    I think I'll come back to read this post again and again, it's like a song that just hits a special spot inside the soul...

    Thank you!

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  9. Good to see you posting again. I hope the blessing study gets underway in October and makes a difference for you. Anyone else interested in the blessing study, please email me at cfsblessingstudy@gmail.com

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  10. such a nice post. the whole mind, body, earth, and God connection is amazing.

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  11. Laurel, you are so very inspiring. I love to read your posts, but this one amazes me.

    I had a mild version of that thought when Jessie was at her worst and I would ride by the school and see carpool. Of course, I had to ride by. Sometimes I would cry and think about the parents and teens who have no conceivable idea just how lucky they are to experience health.

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  12. Great words, we sure don't stop and smell the roses often enough, thanks!

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  13. Hi Laurel , I am glad I found your blog today , no such thing as a coincidence ....
    Ik was just feeling a bit sorry for myself , for feeling so sore today . But your words cheer me right up .
    I am a 20 year ME sufferer and have to be reminded once in a while what joy there still is , and how fortuned I am with the people that love me .
    love Caroline

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  14. thank you. tears streamed as i read your words, looked at your pictures and listened. You touched a placesodeep within my heart. thank you.

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